How to Get Motivated (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It) With Dr. K, HealthyGamerGG

Added: Sep 2, 2024

In this podcast episode, Mel Robbins welcomes Dr. K, a Harvard-trained psychiatrist and co-founder of Healthy Gamer, to explore the intricacies of motivation. They discuss the science behind motivation, the emotional factors that influence it, and practical strategies for overcoming feelings of stagnation, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and focusing on actions rather than outcomes.

Overcoming Failure and Rejection

Dr. K candidly shares his experience of failing out of college, where he struggled with a GPA below 2.0 due to his addiction to video games. Despite the overwhelming odds, he persevered, applying to medical school 120 times over three years before finally gaining acceptance. This relentless pursuit of his goals, despite repeated rejection, highlights the importance of intrinsic motivation and the belief in one's potential. Dr. K emphasizes that motivation can stem from a deep-seated desire to understand oneself and contribute positively to the world, rather than merely seeking external validation.

The Science Behind Motivation

Dr. K challenges conventional notions of motivation, explaining that it is not a singular entity located in one part of the brain. Instead, motivation is an emergent property influenced by various factors, including emotions, desires, and identity. He points out that many people mistakenly believe they lack motivation when, in fact, they may be highly motivated to avoid discomfort or change. This revelation shifts the focus from trying to increase motivation to understanding the underlying motivations that drive behavior. By recognizing that motivation is complex and multifaceted, individuals can better navigate their feelings of being "stuck."

The Relationship Between Emotions and Motivation

The relationship between emotions and motivation is crucial to understanding why people struggle to take action. Dr. K explains that emotions serve as powerful motivators, guiding behavior based on feelings of pleasure or pain. However, emotions are transient and can fluctuate, leading to inconsistency in motivation. For instance, the anticipation of pain associated with a task can deter individuals from taking action, even if the long-term benefits are desirable. By acknowledging this connection, individuals can learn to anticipate the emotional challenges they will face and prepare themselves to overcome them.

Focusing on Action over Outcome

Dr. K advocates for a shift in focus from outcomes to actions. He argues that when individuals concentrate solely on the end result, they often become discouraged by the pain associated with the process. Instead, he encourages listeners to embrace the concept of karma, which emphasizes the importance of action without attachment to outcomes. By committing to the action itself—such as going to the gym or working on a project—individuals can cultivate consistency and resilience. This approach allows for a more manageable and less emotionally charged experience, ultimately leading to better outcomes.

The Secret to Staying Motivated

One of the key insights Dr. K shares is the importance of anticipating the negative aspects of any endeavor. By mentally preparing for the challenges and discomfort that may arise, individuals can reduce the shock of encountering these difficulties. This proactive mindset helps to mitigate feelings of resistance and allows for a smoother transition into action. Dr. K emphasizes that motivation is not about feeling good or being excited; rather, it is about recognizing the inherent challenges and choosing to act despite them.

Focus on Controlling What you can

Dr. K underscores the significance of focusing on what is within one's control. He explains that many people become overwhelmed by external factors and societal pressures, leading to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. By redirecting attention to personal actions and responses, individuals can regain a sense of agency in their lives. This shift in perspective is empowering, as it allows for a more constructive approach to challenges and fosters a greater sense of self-efficacy.

Motivational Interviewing Techniques

Dr. K introduces the concept of motivational interviewing, a technique that can be used to inspire and motivate others. He emphasizes the importance of open-ended questions that encourage self-reflection and exploration of feelings. By creating a safe space for individuals to express their thoughts and emotions, one can facilitate a deeper understanding of their motivations and desires. This approach not only helps others articulate their struggles but also empowers them to take ownership of their journey toward change.

Harnessing the Power of Awareness

Dr. K highlights the transformative power of awareness in personal growth. He explains that simply being aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and motivations can lead to significant changes in behavior. By taking the time to reflect on experiences and the emotions associated with them, individuals can gain valuable insights into their patterns of behavior. This awareness serves as a foundation for making informed choices and fostering a more positive relationship with oneself.

Understanding oneself is paramount for personal development. Dr. K stresses that many people are unaware of their internal conflicts and motivations, leading to feelings of being stuck. By investing time in self-reflection and exploration, individuals can uncover the underlying reasons for their behaviors and choices. This self-awareness not only facilitates personal growth but also empowers individuals to make decisions that align with their true values and desires.

The BIGGEST Mistake People Make

The biggest mistake people make, according to Dr. K, is conflating their shortcomings with their identity. Many individuals view their failures as definitive proof of their inadequacy, leading to a cycle of self-blame and discouragement. Dr. K emphasizes that while external circumstances may be beyond one's control, the way individuals respond to those circumstances is entirely within their power. By reframing failures as opportunities for growth and learning, individuals can break free from the shackles of self-doubt and move toward a more fulfilling life.

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