Dating Doctor: "Start Dating Like It's Your Job!" Dating Apps Are Impacting Us More Than We Realise!

Added: Aug 26, 2024

The Relationship Crisis

Taraban discusses the current relationship crisis, highlighting a significant decline in all forms of relationships over the past decade. Fewer people are entering into relationships, and marriage rates are at historic lows. This decline is exacerbated by the rise of dating apps, which, despite providing more opportunities for connection, have led to a catastrophic decrease in meaningful relationships. He emphasizes that the traditional strategies for dating and relationships are becoming increasingly irrelevant in this new landscape.

Dating Like a Job

Taraban suggests that individuals should approach dating with the same seriousness as a job search. Just as one might send out numerous resumes to find a high-paying, low-stress job they are passionate about, individuals should be prepared to put in the effort to find a loving and secure relationship. This involves facing rejection and learning to present oneself attractively. He notes that attractiveness can be enhanced through various means, including physical fitness, grooming, and learning the art of seduction.

The Impact of Pornography

The conversation shifts to the role of pornography in modern dating dynamics. Taraban argues that pornography has changed the game of mating by providing men with a source of sexual satisfaction that diminishes their motivation to pursue real-life relationships. This creates a disconnect, as men may become accustomed to a certain level of sexual gratification that is not easily replicated in real-life interactions.

The Macro Picture of Relationships

Taraban elaborates on the macro picture of relationships, noting that the decline in casual sexual encounters and relationships could lead to population collapse. He points out that many countries, including the U.S., are experiencing below-replacement fertility rates, which could have dire economic consequences. The individual struggles of finding satisfying relationships are compounded by these larger societal issues, making the dating landscape more confusing than ever.

The Challenges for Men

Men face unique challenges in the current dating climate. Taraban notes that many men feel invisible and disposable, particularly younger men who lack experience and resources. The rise of online dating has made it easier for couples to meet, but it has also led to a decrease in meaningful connections. Men often struggle with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy, which can lead to mental health issues, including high rates of suicide among young men.

The discussion touches on the crisis of masculinity, where traditional definitions of what it means to be a man are being challenged. Taraban suggests that this has created a marketplace for various personalities to define masculinity, often leading to performative behaviors that may not reflect true character. He emphasizes that men need to find ways to express their masculinity authentically while also being visible in the dating market.

The Role of Women

Women, on the other hand, often come to Taraban seeking advice on how to find long-term partners. Many women express frustration over the difficulty of finding men who are ready for commitment. Taraban notes that women are often prepared for marriage from a young age, but the current dating landscape has made it challenging for them to find suitable partners. The empowerment of women to make their own sexual decisions has led them to target the top 10% of men, creating a competitive environment that can leave many women feeling unfulfilled.

The Exchange of Value in Relationships

Taraban discusses the concept of relationships as exchanges of value, where both parties seek to gain something from the other. He explains that while men and women may have different values at different stages of life, the fundamental principle remains the same: people are drawn to those who offer something they desire. This can include emotional support, security, excitement, or sexual attraction. However, the dynamics of these exchanges can vary significantly based on individual circumstances and societal expectations.

The Importance of Attraction

Attraction is a complex interplay of various factors, and Taraban emphasizes that it is not solely based on physical appearance. He argues that men often misinterpret women's desires, believing that being kind and generous will lead to attraction. However, women typically want these qualities from men they are already attracted to. Taraban stresses that men need to focus on enhancing their attractiveness through self-improvement, including physical fitness, grooming, and effective communication.

Communication and Emotional Resonance

Effective communication is crucial in building attraction and maintaining relationships. Taraban highlights the differences between masculine and feminine communication styles, noting that women often seek emotional resonance rather than just factual information. Men need to learn how to engage in conversations that evoke emotional responses, creating a deeper connection with their partners. This understanding can help men navigate the complexities of dating and relationships more successfully.

Taraban introduces the concept of the "game of please no," which illustrates the dynamics of human interaction. In this game, one person seeks something from another, who initially responds with a "no." The goal is to change that "no" into a "yes" through effective communication and emotional engagement. This framework can help individuals understand the importance of building rapport and connection in their interactions, particularly in the context of dating.

Navigating Modern Dating

As the conversation progresses, Taraban offers insights into how men can navigate the modern dating landscape. He encourages men to approach women with confidence and warmth, avoiding aggressive or surprising tactics. By understanding the emotional dynamics at play and focusing on building genuine connections, men can improve their chances of success in dating. He emphasizes that the key to attracting and maintaining relationships lies in self-awareness, effective communication, and the ability to create emotional resonance with potential partners.

The Art of Non-Verbal Communication

Taraban emphasizes the significance of non-verbal communication in human interactions. He illustrates this by demonstrating how gestures, tone of voice, and body language can convey intentions without the need for words. For instance, when he extends a book towards someone with a polite request, the combination of his actions and soft tone creates an obligation for the other person to respond positively. This dynamic is akin to negotiation strategies observed in various social settings, from cocktail lounges to corporate boardrooms. Taraban identifies several strategies that emerge in these interactions, such as intimidation, playfulness, and straightforwardness, all of which can manipulate emotions to achieve desired outcomes.

The Dynamics of Approach Anxiety

Taraban discusses the common mistakes men make when approaching women, often stemming from their nervousness. Many men hesitate too long, leading to awkwardness, while others overcompensate by being overly bold or aggressive. He suggests that successful interactions require a keen awareness of the other person's responses, akin to playing a game of "hot and cold." This awareness allows individuals to adapt their approach based on the cues they receive, ultimately fostering better connections.

The Role of Vulnerability in Relationships

Vulnerability is a complex concept that Taraban explores in depth. He argues that sharing one's present emotional experience can enhance connection and understanding in relationships. He recounts his own experiences of overcoming approach anxiety by openly admitting his struggles to women, which often led to engaging conversations. He believes that true vulnerability involves revealing oneself authentically, allowing for deeper connections to form.

The Importance of Selfishness

Taraban challenges the notion that selfishness is inherently negative in relationships. He posits that being clear about one's own desires and needs can lead to healthier dynamics. He encourages individuals to be explicit about their wants and to seek partners who align with those desires. This approach can reduce the pressure on relationships and foster a more authentic connection.

Navigating Family Dynamics

The conversation touches on the complexities of family relationships and the fear of estrangement. Taraban highlights the importance of forgiveness and the courage it takes to extend an olive branch, even when it may not be reciprocated. He views forgiveness as a means of emotional survival, allowing individuals to release anger and resentment that can cloud their hearts and hinder their ability to connect with others.

The Future of Relationships

As the discussion progresses, Taraban reflects on the evolving landscape of relationships in the context of technological advancements. He acknowledges that while the game of dating will continue to change, individuals must remain adaptable and open to new opportunities. He emphasizes the importance of cultivating genuine connections and understanding the value of what one brings to the table in relationships.