You’ll Never Heal Until You Do THIS (This is Your #1 Block Keeping You STUCK)

Decoding Internal Family Systems Therapy

Gabrielle opens the conversation by clarifying what Internal Family Systems therapy is and why it transformed her life. At its core, IFS recognizes the human psyche as a system of "parts," each with its own feelings, beliefs, and voices. Among these are protector parts—those activated inner voices that often manifest as the traits we dislike or despise. These can take the form of hypervigilance, addictions, controlling tendencies, rage, or self-judgment. Rather than trying to suppress, silence, or judge these parts, IFS invites us to approach them with friendship and compassion, recognizing that they emerged with a vital mission: to shield us from deeper pain or trauma.

Many struggle with wanting to eradicate anxiety or quell the inner critic entirely, but Gabrielle reveals that this struggle only increases suffering. The real healing begins when you realize these challenging parts are like frightened children inside you—young and vulnerable—crying out for care and understanding. Isn't it remarkable that the parts we typically despise have been faithfully working to protect us from unbearable feelings?

Healing Through Self-Energy

What distinguishes Gabrielle's approach is the fusion of therapeutic insight with spiritual depth. She explains that behind all the chaos and protectors lies a core "Self"—a calm, compassionate, curious, courageous, and connected center that has never truly left us but is often clouded by the protective parts. The metaphor Gabrielle shares—Self as the sun behind the clouds—illustrates how lifting the veil of protector parts allows the radiant essence of our true nature to emerge.

This spiritual lens interprets healing not just as fixing broken parts but as a reunion with your innermost presence and wisdom. Can you remember moments when you felt utterly yourself—flowing effortlessly, connected, curious? Gabrielle calls those glimpses windows into Self energy, and IFS offers practices to reconnect with that energy with increasing frequency.

Your First Step Toward Self-Help

Gabrielle's empathy shines through when she describes the first essential step: spotting the recurring patterns in your life that cause distress. Whether it's the controlling urge, addictive behaviors, people-pleasing, or toxic self-criticism, these patterns are signals from protector parts. Once identified, the practice is to engage with these parts, not as enemies to defeat, but as allies to be heard.

This is where the four-step check-in process from Gabrielle's book Self-Help comes in—a simple yet powerful tool. By creating space between stimulus and reaction, you turn inward with curiosity, asking these parts where they reside in your body, what stories or feelings they carry, and what they truly need. Often, a protector might ask for rest, play, love, or permission to be a child again. Imagine giving these parts their long-overdue voice—what might they tell you?

Changing the Inner Dialogue

One of the most revolutionary teachings Gabrielle shares is about transforming how we relate to self-judgment and the inner critic. Rather than attacking or silencing harsh self-talk, she suggests approaching it as you would a scared child or a protective friend in pain. Engaging in journaling or gentle inquiry to ask your judgmental part what it needs can reveal astonishing truths beneath the surface and slowly dissolve the grip of criticism.

Yet this process takes courage. Many people feel blocked, overwhelmed, or resistant to befriending parts that seem destructive. Gabrielle reassures that healing unfolds through many small steps, and even moments of resistance or difficulty are part of the journey. Isn't it time to stop running from parts of yourself and start listening to what they are trying to protect you from?

Living Self-Led

As healing progresses, Gabrielle highlights a subtle but profound shift: moving from being completely blended with a reactive part to speaking for that part from the Self. She shares relatable examples from her own life—from her "Knives Out" part that reacts with rage when feeling shame, to managing anxiety and control in her relationships.

This shift allows freedom: the rage doesn't define her, nor the anxiety her identity. She can acknowledge the feelings, apologize for their impact, and consciously choose to respond differently. This autonomy in internal leadership not only improves your self-relationship but transforms how you engage with others—be it a spouse, child, co-worker, or friend.

Applying IFS in Relationships and Parenting

Relationships can be the ultimate mirror to our internal parts, and Gabrielle offers heartfelt guidance on bringing IFS into romantic partnerships and parenting. She emphasizes doing the inner work individually first, as you cannot make your partner ready for healing. She also stresses the importance of self-led leadership in the family dynamic—children implicitly learn self-regulation and emotional safety by attuning to a calm, compassionate parent.

She acknowledges the challenge of applying IFS with kids, noting that younger children might resist formal practices, so fluid, gentle, and age-appropriate engagement is key. The beauty of IFS is that it offers a universal language for understanding human behavior, conflicts, and needs, fostering deeper empathy and connection in all relationships.

Boundaries and Leadership

Gabrielle candidly discusses themes of boundaries and leadership, revealing how protector parts like the workaholic or the "if I don't do it, no one will" part operated in her life for years. These protectors managed to fuel impressive accomplishments but at the expense of health and joy. Healing involves tending to these parts, recognizing their contributions, and gently guiding them toward balance—transforming extreme protectors into healthy allies.

She underscores that being self-led doesn't mean being passive or slow. In fact, people can be fiercely ambitious and achieve massive success while rooted in Self energy, which brings clarity, intention, and sustainable momentum.

Self-Forgiveness

One of the most practical insights Gabrielle offers is how to deal with regret, bad decisions, or the "worst advice" moments that haunt us. She stresses self-forgiveness as a non-negotiable foundation for healing. Choosing to forgive yourself isn't naive acceptance of mistakes but a powerful act of reclaiming your agency. It allows you to clean up your inner landscape, make amends where needed, and choose again from a place of wisdom.

Can you imagine how liberating it would be to let go of the past's weight and fully live in self-compassion?

Heal the World One Self at a Time

Gabrielle leaves listeners with a poignant vision that the key to global healing lies in individual inner work. If more people embraced their parts, healed their wounds, and led their lives from Self energy, society would shift from chaos to community. This healing ripple effect begins with you—who can unlock your own compassion and clarity.

Her invitation is simple yet profound: get to know your parts. Heal within. Lead with love. The question that remains is, are you ready to meet yourself with radical kindness and begin your true healing journey?

Reflective Takeaway

Healing is not about eradicating the messy, difficult parts of ourselves but engaging with them as protectors worthy of love and understanding. As you practice turning inward with curiosity and compassion, you peel back the layers that obscure your authentic Self—unlocking calm, clarity, courage, and connection. The biggest block to your healing might just be the resistance to befriending the very parts trying to keep you safe. So what if the path to freedom is less about fighting and more about listening? Are you ready to start that conversation within?