Master Negotiator William Ury — Strategies and Stories from Warren Buffett, Nelson Mandela, & More

Added: Feb 14, 2024

Understanding the Dreams and Fears of the Other Side

Ury emphasizes the significance of listening for nuggets of information that provide insight into the dreams and fears of the other party. He shares a story about how Dennis Rodman helped him understand Kim Jong-un's dream of walking down Fifth Avenue with Rodman and watching a basketball game, which ultimately led to a meeting between Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump in Singapore. By understanding the dreams and fears of the other side, negotiators can find common ground and work towards a mutually beneficial outcome.

Writing the Other Side's Victory Speech

Ury introduces the concept of writing the other side's victory speech as a negotiation strategy. By imagining how the other party would justify their decision to agree to a proposal, negotiators can anticipate objections, address concerns, and create a pathway to agreement. Ury shares how he used this technique in the context of the Trump-Kim Jong-un meeting, where he envisioned the potential victory speeches for both leaders, paving the way for a successful summit.

Lessons from Historical Conflicts

Drawing on examples from conflicts in South Africa, Northern Ireland, and Colombia, Ury highlights the role of transformative leadership and community engagement in resolving seemingly intractable conflicts. He discusses how leaders like Nelson Mandela demonstrated self-mastery, empathy, and the ability to build bridges with their adversaries. By mobilizing the community and creating a supportive environment for dialogue, these leaders were able to transform conflicts and pave the way for reconciliation.

Going to the Balcony

Ury introduces the concept of "going to the balcony," which involves taking a step back from a heated negotiation to gain perspective and clarity. By detaching from the immediate emotions and reactions, negotiators can focus on the bigger picture, identify common interests, and find creative solutions. He emphasizes the importance of self-mastery and the ability to pause before reacting, especially in high-stakes negotiations where emotions can run high.

De-escalation Techniques

Ury suggests practical de-escalation techniques, such as setting ground rules for emotional expression, taking frequent breaks, and going for walks to clear the mind. By establishing a joint rule that only one person can get angry at a time, negotiators can prevent escalating conflicts and maintain a constructive dialogue. He also emphasizes the value of breaks as opportunities to reflect, regroup, and engage in corridor conversations that can lead to breakthroughs in negotiations.

Possibilities for the Middle East

While acknowledging the complexity of the Middle East conflict, Ury remains optimistic about the potential for a new beginning. He emphasizes the need for the right leaders, community engagement, and a focus on shared interests and aspirations. By reframing the question as "how can Israelis and Palestinians live together in dignity and security," negotiators can explore possibilities for transformation and coexistence, drawing inspiration from successful conflict resolution efforts in other regions.

The Importance of Silence in Negotiations

Ury emphasizes the importance of silence in negotiations, citing studies that show a correlation between the amount of silence in a negotiation and the likelihood of reaching mutually beneficial agreements. He shares a personal experience where he used silence to allow the other party to digest information and prevent escalation. By pausing and letting the silence do the work, negotiators can create space for reflection and collaboration.

Using Objective Measures and Data

Another key strategy Ury discusses is the use of objective measures and data in negotiations. By presenting facts and data, negotiators can shift the focus from a contest of wills to a collaborative exercise based on objective criteria. This approach can help both parties reach a fair resolution based on market rates and other verifiable information, rather than personal opinions or emotions.

Respecting the Other Party

Ury highlights the importance of showing respect to the other party in negotiations. He explains that respect is a fundamental aspect of human interaction and can be expressed through active listening, empathy, and understanding. By acknowledging the other party's dignity and perspective, negotiators can build trust and create a more positive negotiation environment.

The Cheapest Concession: Respect

Ury introduces the concept of the "cheapest concession," which is giving the other party basic human respect. He explains that respect is a powerful tool in negotiations and can be demonstrated through listening, language, and gestures. By showing respect, negotiators can establish a foundation of trust and goodwill, leading to more productive and successful negotiations.

The Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement

Ury discusses the importance of having a Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. By considering alternative options and outcomes, negotiators can approach negotiations with confidence and flexibility. Ury shares a real-world example of helping a client navigate a complex business dispute by focusing on his client's interests and exploring alternative solutions.

Constructing a Trust Menu

Ury introduces the concept of a "trust menu," which is a set of pre-arranged signals and steps to rebuild trust in a negotiation. He shares a story of mediating a conflict between two business partners by creating a trust menu that allowed both parties to send signals of respect and build confidence. By establishing a framework for trust-building actions, negotiators can overcome distrust and work towards mutually beneficial agreements.

The Art of Saying No

Drawing inspiration from Warren Buffett, Ury emphasizes the importance of saying no in negotiations. He explains that saying no is a crucial skill that allows negotiators to filter out unsuitable options and focus on opportunities that align with their goals. He suggests that saying no can lead to more strategic decision-making and ultimately contribute to long-term success in negotiations.

Building a Golden Bridge

Another key strategy Ury discusses is building a golden bridge, which involves making it as easy as possible for the other party to agree to a solution. By understanding the other party's needs and fears, individuals can craft proposals that are attractive and persuasive, leading to mutually beneficial outcomes.

The Interests of the Larger Community

Ury also highlights the concept of taking the third side, which involves considering the interests of the larger community or stakeholders involved in a conflict. By involving all relevant parties in the negotiation process, individuals can harness the power of collective collaboration and find solutions that benefit everyone.

Uncovering Underlying Interests

Ury shares a story about mediating a conflict between a separatist group in Indonesia and the Indonesian government. By asking the separatist group about their underlying interests in seeking independence, Ury was able to uncover their desire for autonomy, control over natural resources, and cultural preservation. This deeper understanding allowed both parties to find a compromise that addressed the separatists' core interests while maintaining peace and stability in the region.

Ury emphasizes the importance of looking beyond surface-level positions and understanding the underlying motivations and needs of all parties involved in a conflict. By uncovering these interests, individuals can find creative solutions that address the root causes of the conflict and lead to sustainable resolutions.

The Power of Creativity

Creativity plays a crucial role in negotiation and conflict resolution, allowing individuals to explore innovative solutions and think outside the box. Ury encourages brainstorming and idea generation without criticism to foster a creative environment where new possibilities can emerge.

Ury shares a personal example of using creativity to resolve a conflict between a real estate developer and a farmer. By understanding the farmer's underlying fear of being forgotten, the developer was able to propose a solution that honored the farmer's legacy and secured the land for development. This creative approach led to a successful resolution that satisfied both parties' needs.