MONEY + LOVE Dynamics Between Men & Women. Does it DESTROY Relationships?! Jay Shetty & Lewis Howes

Added: Feb 5, 2024

Should Men Pay on the First Date?

The discussion begins with the traditional belief that the man should always pay on the first date. However, they acknowledge that societal norms have shifted, and there are now varying opinions on this matter. Jay and Lewis both express their preference for paying on the first date as a gesture of thoughtfulness and generosity. They emphasize the importance of mutual respect and consideration in dating dynamics.

High Value Men and Women

The conversation then delves into the idea of high value men and women, highlighting the pressure and confusion that individuals face in defining what they want in a partner. They discuss how societal influences, such as media and family expectations, can shape people's perceptions of relationships. Jay shares his insight that attracting what you use to impress, whether it be material possessions or personal qualities, can impact the type of relationships one attracts.

Safety in Relationships

They also touch upon the concept of safety in relationships, emphasizing the importance of feeling secure and at peace with oneself before seeking it in a partner. Jay and Lewis discuss how past experiences and childhood upbringing can influence one's desires and expectations in relationships. They suggest that seeking safety and peace in a partner may stem from unresolved issues or traumas related to feeling insecure or unsafe in the past.

The conversation continues with a reflection on the complexities of love and relationships, highlighting the need for self-awareness and conscious decision-making in seeking fulfilling and harmonious connections. Jay and Lewis stress the importance of understanding one's own values and desires, as well as being mindful of the underlying motivations behind relationship preferences.

Importance of Communication in Relationships

Jay and Lewis stress the significance of communication in relationships, especially when it comes to financial matters. They highlight the need for couples to have open and honest conversations about their roles, strengths, and values in the relationship. By discussing expectations and responsibilities upfront, couples can avoid misunderstandings and build a stronger foundation for their partnership.

Understanding Individual Strengths and Roles

They emphasize the importance of understanding individual strengths and roles in a relationship. They share personal experiences and examples to illustrate how knowing oneself and one's partner can lead to a more harmonious and balanced relationship. Jay talks about his upbringing and how it influenced his views on being a provider, while Lewis shares stories of couples he knows who have successfully navigated financial dynamics based on their strengths and values.

Money as a Measure of Time and Life

Jay and Lewis discuss how money is not just about financial transactions but also a reflection of time and life. They highlight the importance of valuing the contributions of stay-at-home parents and partners who may not be earning a traditional income but are investing their time and energy into the relationship and household. By recognizing the value of non-monetary contributions, couples can have a more holistic view of financial responsibilities.

Avoiding Hidden Expectations and Resentment

Both men caution against hidden expectations in relationships, especially when it comes to financial matters. They stress the need for couples to have clear agreements and understandings about how expenses will be shared. By addressing potential issues upfront and being transparent about their needs and expectations, couples can avoid resentment and conflict down the line.

Finding a Balance that Works for Both Partners

Jay and Lewis encourage couples to find a balance that works for both partners when it comes to financial responsibilities. They emphasize the importance of discussing and negotiating how rent, bills, and other expenses will be divided based on each person's strengths, values, and contributions. By finding a mutually agreeable arrangement, couples can create a sense of fairness and equity in their financial partnership.

Traditional Gender Roles in Relationships

Jay and Lewis challenge the traditional gender roles that have been ingrained in society for years. They discuss how these roles can create confusion and unrealistic expectations in relationships. By breaking away from these traditional roles, couples can have more open and honest conversations about their needs, desires, and contributions to the relationship.

Financial Dynamics in Relationships

Both men also explore the impact of financial dynamics on relationships. They discuss the importance of being transparent about financial expectations, contributions, and responsibilities. Shetty shares his experience of sharing a bank account with his partner and how it was a significant decision for them. They emphasize the need for clear communication and agreements when it comes to finances in a relationship.

Courage and Vulnerability in Relationships

They also emphasize the importance of courage and vulnerability in relationships. They encourage couples to have awkward and uncomfortable conversations to address issues, set boundaries, and make agreements. By being vulnerable and open with each other, couples can deepen their connection, resolve conflicts, and strengthen their relationship.

Conscious Uncoupling

Jay and Lewis touch upon the concept of conscious uncoupling, which involves planning to exit a relationship in a conscious and respectful manner. They discuss the importance of ending a relationship with grace, understanding, and compassion, even if it doesn't work out. By approaching the end of a relationship consciously, couples can minimize pain, resentment, and animosity.