Mental Health EXPERT: How to Work WITH Your Anxiety to HEAL Your Life with John Delony

Added: Oct 4, 2023

Dr. Delony explains that in our culture, we often try to numb or distract ourselves from anxiety, rather than addressing the underlying issues that are causing it. He believes that this approach is like removing the batteries from a smoke alarm, leaving us vulnerable to the potential dangers around us. Instead, he suggests that we should listen to our anxiety and use it as a signal to identify and address the areas of our lives that are causing us to feel unsafe or uncomfortable.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of pain in relationships. Dr. Delony asks whether the biggest cause of pain in relationships today is "me over us," meaning that individuals prioritize their own needs and desires over the needs of their partners. He suggests that this self-centeredness can lead to conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships. He believes that true healing and growth in relationships can only occur when individuals are willing to prioritize the needs of their partners and work together as a team.

The discussion then turns to the concept of self-worth and the belief that we are enough. Dr. Delony emphasizes the importance of having a dream and a sense of purpose in life. He believes that having a clear vision for our lives can help us overcome feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. He also suggests that self-worth is not determined by our past mistakes or traumas, but rather by our ability to learn and grow from them.

Dr. Delony acknowledges that building self-worth and believing that we are enough is a process that takes time and effort. He encourages individuals to start by acknowledging their feelings of inadequacy and sharing them with someone they trust. He also emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to work through past traumas and develop a healthier sense of self-worth.

The conversation then delves into the topic of addiction and its relationship to anxiety. Dr. Delony compares addiction to duct-taping a pillow over a smoke alarm, numbing or distracting ourselves from the underlying issues that are causing anxiety. He suggests that addiction is often a way of avoiding vulnerability and difficult emotions. He believes that true healing from addiction requires individuals to face their underlying issues and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Dr. Delony shares his personal experience of struggling with anxiety and the steps he took to address it. He emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help and being willing to do the inner work necessary for healing. He also discusses the role of relationships and community in the healing process, highlighting the importance of connection and vulnerability.

The conversation continues with Dr. Delony sharing his insights on the importance of seasons in life and the need for intentional rest and connection. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing relationships and being fully present with loved ones. He also encourages individuals to challenge societal norms and expectations and to create a life that aligns with their values and priorities.

Dr. Delony continues by explaining that anxiety is a normal human emotion that serves a purpose. It is a signal that something is not right and needs attention. However, when anxiety becomes overwhelming and interferes with daily life, it can be detrimental to one's mental health.

He emphasizes the importance of understanding the root causes of anxiety and addressing them directly. This involves identifying triggers, examining thought patterns, and developing coping mechanisms. Dr. Delony suggests that anxiety can be managed by focusing on three key areas: physical health, emotional health, and relational health.

In terms of physical health, he recommends practicing self-care activities such as exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate sleep. These factors play a crucial role in regulating emotions and reducing anxiety.

Emotional health involves recognizing and processing emotions in a healthy way. Dr. Delony encourages individuals to express their feelings and seek support from trusted friends, family, or therapists. He also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and self-acceptance in managing anxiety.

Relational health refers to the quality of one's relationships and social connections. Dr. Delony highlights the significance of having a support system and engaging in meaningful connections with others. He suggests building relationships based on trust, vulnerability, and mutual support.

Dr. Delony also discusses the impact of technology and social media on mental health. He explains that excessive use of technology can contribute to anxiety and stress. He advises setting boundaries and taking breaks from screens to prioritize mental well-being.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of relationships and the challenges couples face. Dr. Delony emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship and working together as a team. He suggests creating a shared vision, establishing values, and developing a framework for problem-solving. He also encourages couples to seek outside support, such as counseling or mentorship, to navigate challenges and strengthen their bond.

In response to a question about the rise of narcissism and self-interest in society, Dr. Delony attributes it to the erosion of common values and the focus on individual feelings. He explains that when people no longer have a shared story or purpose, they become self-centered and prioritize their own needs above all else. He suggests that finding a sense of purpose and being of service to others can help counteract this trend.

Dr. Delony also addresses the causes of pain in relationships, such as prioritizing individual needs over the needs of the relationship. He emphasizes the importance of valuing the relationship and working together to build something new when faced with challenges. He shares the analogy of rebuilding the World Trade Center towers after 9/11, highlighting the need to let go of the past and create something new.

The conversation then turns to the causes of struggle in relationships and marriages today. Dr. Delony mentions financial burdens and infidelity as common sources of conflict. He emphasizes the need for open communication, shared values, and a framework for problem-solving to navigate these challenges.