How to Spot LIARS & Get the TRUTH Out of Anyone! | Evy Poumpouras

The Universality and Complexity of Lying

Evy opens by acknowledging an uncomfortable but universal truth: all people lie. Research suggests that an individual can lie up to ten times within a brief conversation. Yet, these lies are often subtle and range from outright fabrications to omissions that distort reality. She points out that lying by omission is actually the most common form of deceit, as it requires less cognitive effort than maintaining a fully fabricated narrative. People tend to lie because deception is mentally taxing—it demands remembering details and consistency across time, which can easily slip, ultimately damaging credibility.

Additionally, Evy highlights a natural human tendency to believe those we care about, even when evidence of deceit is present. This investment in relationships can lead to willful blindness, where signals indicating a lie are ignored because accepting the truth would be too painful. Recognizing this cognitive bias is crucial for anyone trying to navigate trustworthiness in personal and professional spheres.

Detecting Lies

Evy shares that detecting lies is not about simple, universal behavioral "tells" but instead requires a nuanced understanding of an individual's baseline behavior. For example, a person who typically gestures actively when speaking but suddenly becomes stoic may be uncomfortable or deceptive in that moment. Conversely, some practiced liars maintain a poker face, making it harder to detect deceit through body language alone.

She emphasizes that inconsistent verbal and physical signals—such as a person saying "no" while nodding "yes"—can be signs of dishonesty, but this is not a definitive science because behavioral responses vary widely across individuals.

Evy also points out that lying often causes people to move less physically, because lying requires mental effort. Contrarily, truthful storytelling tends to flow with natural distractions and sometimes spontaneous corrections, which indicate authenticity. The presence of specifics, including direct quotations in speech, often signals truthfulness, as liars generally avoid detailed accounts to reduce the risk of being caught in inconsistencies.

The Role of Intuition in Lie Detection

Beyond observable cues, Evy underscores the importance of using intuition or "feeling" when assessing truthfulness. Experienced agents develop a sixth sense by paying mindful attention not only to what is said but also to the emotional energy and subtle shifts in a person's demeanor. This intuitive sense is often undervalued but is a critical tool in discerning honesty.

When combined with knowledge of a person's habits, mannerisms, and individual communication style, this skill becomes powerful. However, Evy stresses it's not about seeking quick tricks or generic formulas; it is about cultivating curiosity and patience to understand people as unique beings.

Polygraph Tests

Evy explains that the polygraph, commonly known as the lie detector, is far from an infallible tool. It does not simply "detect lies" automatically but serves as a physiological indicator that must be interpreted carefully. Parade questions and baseline responses are compared, and discrepancies in voice tone or body language during sensitive questions may be noted.

Interestingly, Evy reflects on her own polygraph experience, where honesty about past minor transgressions like lying to obtain financial aid was lauded as a display of integrity. In such contexts, being truthful—even when recounting mistakes—is preferred over deception. The polygraph process, she remarks, is as much about assessing character and trustworthiness as it is about detecting deception.

Building Trust and Authority

Trust is foundational in any interaction, whether in interrogation rooms, workplaces, or personal relationships. Evy offers tactical advice on establishing authority subtly through language and body posture. Using subtle commands like "Why don't you use the bathroom before we start?" instead of asking permission plants a seed of authority without overt aggression. Conversely, giving others a sense of autonomy—allowing them to choose their seat or the topic order—can help ease resistance and foster rapport.

When it comes to first dates or building new relationships, Evy advises against asserting authority aggressively. Instead, focus on building trust through active listening and genuine curiosity. Open-ended and invitational prompts like "Tell me about yourself," "Explain your dreams," or "Describe what excites you" encourage storytelling and self-disclosure, leading to authentic connections without feeling interrogative.

Understanding Communication Styles

Evoking awareness of differing communication styles, Evy distinguishes between "instructional" versus "identity-based" conversational approaches. Instructional people prefer direct problem-solving—getting straight to the point with clear solutions. Identity-based communicators, by contrast, wish to express feelings and personal experiences authentically, valuing being heard over immediate fixes. Recognizing when a conversation partner is speaking from their identity rather than seeking advice can prevent frustration and foster empathy.

Lessons from the Secret Service

Evy reflects on leadership qualities she admired in past presidents she protected, such as George H.W. Bush's habit of sending handwritten notes and Barack Obama's commanding vocal presence. These small but genuine gestures of authenticity and intentional communication underscore the power of presence and respect in commanding authority.

She also cautions that the authority these leaders hold means they do not need to work as hard to command attention; simple acknowledgments from them carry weight that ordinary people often must earn through effort and consistency.

Navigating Lies Within Relationships

Evy acknowledges that lies exist in everyday life, sometimes for self-protection or kindness, such as refraining from harsh truths or avoiding conflict. She argues that some degree of lying can be healthy, especially when it serves to protect emotional well-being, for instance, declining to engage with emotionally draining individuals with a polite "I was busy."

However, sustained dishonesty erodes credibility and trust. She advocates using "soft no's" or gentle rejections rather than blunt refusals to preserve relationships while setting boundaries.

Managing Self-Doubt

Drawing from her own journey, Evy shares that overcoming self-doubt requires active decision-making, embracing failure as part of growth, and positive self-talk. Decisiveness breeds confidence; waiting for external validation stalls progress. She emphasizes the importance of treating oneself with kindness and rejecting internal negative labeling.

This mindset shift, coupled with resilience built by taking risks, failing, and learning from mistakes, fosters lasting personal empowerment.

Final Reflections

As the podcast concludes, Evy offers three life lessons she would share at the end of her journey: always do the right thing, even when it's unpopular; make your own decisions; and embrace failure as evidence of trying and growth. The episode closes on a reflective note, admiring Evy's dedication to integrity, service, and continuous learning, highlighting the delicate balance of trust, deception, and human connection she has navigated both as a protector and a teacher.