#1 Excellence Expert: Avoid The BIGGEST New Year Goal Traps

In this podcast episode, Brad Stulberg, a renowned researcher, writer, and coach focusing on human performance, shares deep insights into goal setting, personal growth, and sustainable achievement. The conversation touches on common pitfalls with New Year's resolutions, the importance of aligning goals with values, balancing dualities like discipline and self-compassion, and the intricate dance between pursuing excellence and maintaining well-being. Brad also explores how to cultivate joy in hard work, the role of community in excellence, and how one can overcome setbacks and rediscover motivation.

The Biggest Trap with Fresh Starts

Brad highlights that a frequent trap at the start of any new endeavor—especially at the New Year—is the initial surge of motivation that leads people to set lofty, audacious goals without realistic expectations. Many fall into an "all or nothing" mentality, giving up entirely if things don't go perfectly. Instead, Brad suggests embracing the inevitability of setbacks and focusing on consistency through very small, manageable steps. He emphasizes the planning fallacy, where plans often go awry by 40%, underscoring the need for flexibility and patience in goal pursuit.

Aligning Goals With Core Values

A central theme is the necessity of ensuring goals resonate deeply with one's core values. Brad describes goals as the summit of a mountain, yet the vast majority of life is spent climbing the slopes—not at the peak itself. He recommends identifying three to five core values such as health, creativity, or community, and defining what those values genuinely mean to the individual. Goals should serve these values; otherwise, pursuing them leads to fatigue or disengagement. This values alignment helps make the pursuit of excellence transformational, as the goal shapes the person, not just the other way around.

The Distinction Between Goals and Direction

Brad and the host differentiate between setting fixed goals and having a broader sense of direction. They caution against imposing unrealistic, short-term time-bound expectations often fueled by hustle culture. Instead, there is an emphasis on cultivating patience and recognizing that meaningful progress often spans years or decades. Like elite athletes breaking down Olympic cycles into smaller chunks of training, individuals should focus on incremental improvements and winning "more workouts than you lose" day by day to foster sustainable growth.

Holding Opposing Forces Together

Brad articulates the paradoxical nature of personal transformation, where seemingly opposing qualities must coexist: effort paired with rest, discipline balanced by self-compassion, striving together with surrender. He stresses that Western culture often frames these as binaries, but true excellence requires holding these dualities simultaneously and exploring where one resides on each spectrum at any time. The metaphor of the "humble badass" illustrates this well—someone who is both tough and kind, disciplined and gentle with themselves.

Balancing Self-Discipline and Self-Compassion

The interview delves into how popular culture often separates messages of relentless discipline (football coaches, Navy SEALs) from self-kindness (yoga teachers), putting them on opposite aisles. In reality, high performers embody both intensely. Self-discipline propels effort, while self-compassion allows sustainability by cushioning inevitable failures. Without kindness to oneself, returning to the difficult arena becomes psychologically overwhelming. Brad calls this balance "rocket fuel," but cautions that either extreme—inflexible toughness or excessive leniency—can be counterproductive if taken too far.

Embracing Curiosity in the Being State

Curiosity is described as a "skeleton key" that unlocks fear, failure, and self-understanding. Brad advocates for cultivating a state of non-judgmental awareness, where one observes emotions, stories, or sensations with curiosity rather than reaction. This can transform fear into problem-solving and reduce anxiety by shifting neurological pathways. The example of Kobe Bryant's approach to basketball—playing not to win or avoid loss but to learn the game—is offered as a powerful embodiment of curiosity as a mindset for continuous learning and growth.

Overcoming Fear and Failure Hangover

Brad recounts his mantra "Brave New World" for facing fear, whether at the gym lifting a heavy deadlift or encountering life's uncertainties. It's about leaning into uncertainty with curiosity instead of dread. However, he acknowledges that the transition to a process-oriented, curiosity-driven mindset is challenging, especially for individuals who have staked their identities on specific outcomes. Instead of obsessing over results, he advises focusing on process, maintaining an identity "house" with multiple rooms to avoid psychological collapse if one area (like work or athletics) hits turbulence.

Multiple Identities and Seasons of Life

Building a robust identity with various "rooms" such as athlete, parent, creative, or community member provides resilience. Brad stresses that excellence and balance don't mean equal time spent everywhere but rather intentional seasonality. Focusing intensely on a few areas at a time is natural, as long as other areas are tended to sufficiently. This perspective protects against identity foreclosure when faced with setbacks and sustains long-term engagement.

Excellence Versus Hustle Culture

Brad defines genuine excellence as deeply engaged, value-aligned pursuit of mastery—far from the superficial "hustle culture" obsession with constant work, self-promotion, and perfectionist routines. He critiques how social media often amplifies pseudo-excellence that prioritizes appearances and content creation over actual craft. His book seeks to reclaim a form of heartfelt excellence that is fulfilling and sustainable, providing both personal satisfaction and meaningful contributions.

The Antidote to Alienation Through Excellence

The conversation touches on alienation—a sense of disconnection from self and others—and how pursuing excellence can reconnect individuals to experience genuine presence and intimacy with themselves and their craft. Excellence demands attention, vulnerability, and confronting internal challenges, which opposes numbness or distraction. With increasing automation and AI encroachment, Brad emphasizes the human necessity of meaningful pursuit and feeling deeply as the ultimate differentiator from machines.

Excellence as a Communal Enterprise

Contrary to the stereotype of solitary striving, Brad advocates for pursuing excellence as a communal endeavor. Climbing a mountain or chasing a dream is often more rewarding—and sustainable—when shared with others. This can mean directly involving others in one's goals or thriving in a community where everyone pursues their own passions. Collective energy, inspiration, and shared vulnerability enrich the journey, even in solitary pursuits like writing.

The Biology and Psychology of Excellence

Brad explores excellence as a biologically hardwired imperative tied to homeostatic upregulation—the drive of living organisms to persist and flourish. Far beyond mere survival, human excellence integrates deep feeling and intuition before intellectual cognition. Examples like Steph Curry's effortless flow state illustrate how excellence operates largely beneath conscious thought while requiring extensive effort and repetition beforehand.

Excellence Versus Flow

Flow states are an essential part of excellence but differ in important ways. Flow is value-neutral, experienced in both meaningful and trivial activities (termed "shitty flow," like doom-scrolling social media). Excellence insists on activities that align with one's values and contribute to becoming one's desired self. Flow without meaningful alignment often leads to dissatisfaction rather than fulfillment, making the intentional choice of pursuit critical.

Rediscovering Motivation After Setbacks

Brad acknowledges heartbreak is inevitable when caring deeply about anything. For those who have experienced failure or disappointment, re-engagement demands patience, allowing time to grieve and recover rather than rushing back prematurely. He recommends surrounding oneself with supportive people and inspirational media, recognizing that learning and growth unfolds over time. Sustained motivation is nourished through vulnerability and acceptance rather than relentless pushing.

The Importance of Completion and Ritual

Savoring moments of completion, no matter how small, is essential to anchor progress and prevent endless, joyless pursuit. Brad suggests adopting rituals around achievements or setbacks to build meaning and reflection into the process. Without these, one risks "going on autopilot" and losing connection with purpose. While Brad admits he personally struggles to celebrate milestones effectively, he acknowledges that honoring completion aids renewal and sustained excellence.

When to Persist and When to Quit

Navigating the tension between grit and quitting requires ongoing self-assessment. Brad introduces "gumption" as enthusiasm-fueled momentum but notes it ebbs and flows. Practical heuristics include examining whether one is prolonging the inevitable or genuinely curious about the next step. He advocates intentional, gradual transitions rather than abrupt leaps, especially in careers or life changes. Developing curiosity about possibilities, looking back at childhood interests, and sampling experiences can provide clarity over time.

Knowing Yourself and Cultivating Self-Reflection

In a world filled with distractions, Brad stresses the foundational importance of carving out quiet, device-free time—such as taking walks without phones—to access internal awareness. These moments help unlock creativity, clarity, and greater connection with one's true self. Increasing this self-knowledge supports better decisions and aligns action with authentic goals.

Redefining Discipline

Brad reframes discipline as the integrity of doing what one says one will do—the consistent, unheralded commitment to showing up daily despite difficulty. He contrasts this with macho stereotypes and emphasizes integrating self-kindness to maintain sustainable effort. Discipline also involves creating an environment conducive to success, applying constraints selectively to gain "positive freedom," or freedom to become one's best self, rather than simply negative freedom from restrictions.

Personal Struggle, Vulnerability, and Joy

Brad shares his own history of childhood bullying and ongoing insecurities, illustrating how achievement often masks deeper emotional needs for love and acceptance. He highlights the necessity of vulnerability—being open with emotions and seeking help—as integral to genuine excellence. Also crucial is cultivating fun and joy in the pursuit itself, which sustains intensity without burnout. Examples like ultrarunner Courtney Dauwalter, who credits joy as her driving force, reveal how fierce effort and delight can coexist.

Masculinity, Connection, and the Danger of Isolation

Addressing cultural challenges around masculinity, Brad condemns narratives that equate success with isolation and self-sufficiency, labeling this the "masculinity grift." He urges young men to cultivate real-world connections through volunteerism, team sports, choirs, or neighborhood interaction—the "real things in the real world with real people." This counters the damaging myth that one must sacrifice social bonds for greatness and prevents toxic loneliness.

Imitation, Authenticity, and Burnout

The conversation warns against mindless imitation of others without genuine meaning or fit, a path that leads to "zombie burnout." True motivation comes from owning one's own values, even if inspired by others. The recommendation is to look at admired qualities in role models rather than blindly copying actions, then adapt these principles to one's own context and identity.

Navigating Tradeoffs

Brad recognizes the complexity of balancing competing values and the necessity of making intentional tradeoffs. Success often requires strong minimalism in focus, giving up many things to pursue a few goals deeply. Being aware of these compromises and communicating openly with those impacted supports sustainable decision-making. The emphasis is on conscious presence rather than autopilot living.

The 48-Hour Rule and Renewal

Brad advocates for bounded reflection periods following significant wins or losses—taking a set time to celebrate or grieve before returning to work. This ritualized pause preserves perspective and prevents ego inflation or despair. Embracing cycles of stress and rest as fundamental to growth applies physically, mentally, and emotionally, underscoring the often counterintuitive discipline needed to step back and recover.

The Courage to Engage Emotionally

In contrast to the "tough guy" stereotype, Brad views vulnerability as strength, crucial for authenticity in the path of excellence. Only by opening to failure, asking for support, and expressing emotions fully can one sustain deep transformation. The suppression of emotional texture inevitably leads to burnout or fracture. True resilience includes embracing this wide range of human experience.

Final Inspiration: Starting and Persisting

For anyone feeling stuck or disconnected, Brad encourages lowering the pressure to "be excellent" and instead simply striking the match—taking small, joyful steps based on curiosity and authenticity. Starting is more important than waiting for perfect inspiration, because "mood follows action." Excellence is a lifelong process of becoming, not a fixed destination, and begins with incremental, consistent movement in the direction that feels most true.