Jordan Peterson on Breakup Advice, Personality Traits & Relationships

Added: Feb 1, 2024

Breakup Advice

Jordan advises people going through a breakup to take their time and not rush into contacting the other person. He emphasizes the importance of not overgeneralizing the other person's behavior and not letting cynicism and bitterness take over. He also suggests spending time reflecting on one's own behavior and patterns in relationships, rather than focusing solely on the faults of the other person.

Personality Traits and Relationships

Jordan discusses the impact of personality traits on relationships, particularly the differences between men and women. He explains how projecting unconscious idealizations onto a partner can lead to unrealistic expectations and difficulties in communication. He also highlights the importance of integrating the shadow, or the darker aspects of one's personality, in order to have a successful and fulfilling relationship.

Red Pilled Community

Jordan addresses the red pilled community and its backlash against what they perceive as "idiot feminism." He points out the dangers of idealizing women as either the "virgin mother" or the "stripper," and the negative impact this can have on both men and women in relationships. He also discusses the challenges of maintaining respect for women in the context of sexual activity and aggression.

Elmo and Jim Henson Puppets

Jordan expresses his dislike for the character Elmo, describing him as a "cringing little milk soop of a puppet" and criticizing his politically correct portrayal. He contrasts Elmo with the Jim Henson puppets, which he admires for their edge and humor. He also shares anecdotes about watching Sesame Street while stoned as a teenager and the influence of Jim Henson's creativity on the show.

Harvard Salary and Personal Experience

Jordan reflects on his experience as an assistant professor at Harvard and the financial challenges he faced, particularly in supporting his family while teaching extra courses to make ends meet. He also discusses the impact of this experience on his decision to start his own enterprise, Exam Core, as a way to capitalize on his expertise and provide economic stability for his family.

Developing a Vision

Jordan explains that developing a vision for the future involves asking specific questions about various aspects of life, such as friendships, family relationships, career, education, and self-care. He encourages individuals to consider what they want from their relationships and what they can offer to others. He also advises people to think about their career goals, how they want to educate themselves, and how they will take care of themselves mentally and physically.

He also discusses the importance of setting high goals and shooting high, as it can lead to recognizing opportunities that align with the desired vision. He explains that once a goal is set, the perceptual and emotional systems work to make the objects that align with that goal more salient, facilitating the pathway forward.

Setting Realistic Goals

While shooting high is important, Jordan also emphasizes the need to set realistic goals. He suggests that a high-end goal should have a probability of failure, but not so high that it becomes unattainable. He explains that setting goals with a fair chance of success allows individuals to expand their adaptive competence while striving to achieve the goal.

Navigating Relationships

Jordan also discusses the importance of navigating relationships and making conscious decisions about friendships and family relationships. He shares an example of his mother's decision to clean up her relationships with her siblings and father by taking a look at what she was bringing to the table. By adjusting her approach and listening to her family members, she was able to improve her relationships.

Navigating Dating and Relationships

In the context of dating and relationships, Jordan advises individuals to focus on what they can offer to others rather than solely seeking the right person. He suggests that by answering the question of what one can offer, individuals can have an easier time navigating the dating scene.

Avoiding Narcissistic and Psychopathic Relationships

Jordan also warns about the dangers of getting involved with narcissistic and psychopathic individuals. He explains that these individuals often engage in short-term mating strategies and can be charming but ultimately lack respect and genuine interest in others. He advises women to be cautious and to say no to individuals who do not respect them.

Setting Achievable Goals

Mikhaila shares her experience of setting exercise goals after a period of illness and pregnancy. She emphasizes the importance of starting small and gradually increasing the frequency and duration of exercise. Jordan adds that progress is not always linear and that it is essential to be patient with oneself and allow for setbacks. He also highlights the importance of humility in setting and adjusting goals, as well as the need to reward progress.

Managing Jealousy

The conversation then shifts to the topic of jealousy, with Jordan emphasizing the need to examine the root causes of jealousy. He challenges the notion that jealousy is solely the fault of the partner and encourages individuals to consider their own insecurities and past experiences. Mikhaila shares a personal anecdote about her husband's reaction to her clothing choices, highlighting the need for open communication and negotiation in relationships.

Negotiation and Assertiveness

The discussion then delves into the dynamics of negotiation and assertiveness. Jordan shares his experience of helping clients triple their income through assertiveness training. He emphasizes the importance of positioning oneself to be able to say no and the need to have options in order to negotiate effectively. Mikhaila also shares her experience of negotiating with Jordan and the importance of clear communication and mutual understanding in business partnerships.

Personal Experiences

The conversation also touches on personal experiences, including Mikhaila's journey of working with Jordan and the challenges they faced in managing their professional responsibilities. They also discuss the importance of finding a mutual focal point in a relationship, especially after the children have left home. Jordan emphasizes the need for shared projects and goals to maintain a strong partnership.