The Real Reason Boys and Men Are Quietly Giving Up & What They Need to Hear

Understanding the Quiet Crisis Among Boys and Men

Jason opens by expressing his profound concern for the younger generation of boys. He describes them as overwhelmed by anxiety, rendered apathetic, and gripped by an almost paralyzing fear of failure. Beneath these surface emotions lies a deep longing for love and connection—not only from their mothers but especially from their fathers. This collective weariness is driven, Jason explains, by a society that forces men to live in performance-based lives, where worth is measured by achievement, productivity, and stoic endurance rather than by authentic being.

According to Jason, much of the toughness and resilience expected of men comes at a steep personal cost. Men have been conditioned to present facades of strength—often answering "I'm good" even when all is far from well. This "superman cape" mentality restricts genuine emotional expression, leaving men exhausted, isolated, and disconnected from themselves and their loved ones. He emphasizes a crucial distinction: men need to shift from being "human doings" to becoming "human beings," embracing wholeness and vulnerability as strengths, not weaknesses.

The Origins of Trauma and the Journey Toward Healing

Jason's personal story shapes much of his work. Growing up amidst trauma—including family violence, loss, and intergenerational pain stemming as far back as his grandfather's lynching—he experienced firsthand the void left by absent or emotionally unavailable fathers. This vacuum contributed to the wounds many men carry today: the "father wound" and "mother wound," trauma that goes unaddressed yet continues to shape behavior and emotional health.

In response, Jason created a martial arts mentoring program called the Cave of Adullam, initially focused on discipline and self-defense but later transformed into a healing space. He observed that while physical strength and fighting skills were valuable, many men were "black belts in the dojo but white belts in life," unable to handle emotional stress or complex relationships. The program evolved into a sanctuary where boys could express themselves safely, learn emotional resilience, and begin to process grief, anger, and fear authentically.

Jason highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing emotions beneath the surface. Anger often masks deeper feelings like sadness, fear, or grief, and teaching boys and men to "dig deeper" emotionally is essential to break cycles of misunderstanding and silent suffering.

Rest, Worth, and the Myth of Masculine Invulnerability

One of the most profound revelations in the discussion is Jason's distinction between sleep and rest. He explains that while sleep is a physical reset, rest is a conscious release from anything that wearies the soul. The problem is that men, burdened by a culture that glorifies relentless work and strength, rarely allow themselves the rest they truly need. This chronic state of weariness comes from tying one's value solely to productivity and achievement, leaving men disconnected from their intrinsic worth as human beings.

Jason offers a powerful reframing: rest is not a weakness; it is a necessary restoration of strength. Yet many men feel they only "earn" rest in the grave, which can lead to neglecting their health, emotional needs, and relationships. The facade of being "fine" or "strong" often masks profound loneliness and despair. Jason urges women and loved ones to learn the importance of gently asking men "How are you really doing?" with intentionality, eye contact, and empathy, because the habitual "I'm good" is often a warning sign.

Creating Openings for Men to Express Themselves

For those who want to support the men in their lives, Jason offers vital guidance. He stresses that traditional cultural conditioning makes it difficult for men to reveal vulnerability without fear of judgment or shame. Women, family members, and friends can create safe spaces by validating men's feelings, resisting the urge to immediately fix or dismiss their emotional expressions, and appreciating the courage it takes for men to open up.

Jason shares an innovative exercise drawn from his own life: keeping a childhood photo of a loved one on his phone serves as a reminder to see past adult anger or resistance and connect with the vulnerable "broken boy or girl" inside. This perspective invites patience, tenderness, and compassion in relationships, fostering healing on both sides.

He also explains how anger and silence are often the only "safe" emotions men feel able to express. Anger serves as a mask for more vulnerable feelings that have been dismissed or repressed; learning to identify and articulate these underlying emotions is key to emotional growth and connection.

Reaching Sons and Young Men in a Complex World

Jason addresses the difficulties in connecting with sons and younger men, especially in a culture where many boys lack positive male role models or mentors. He advises that parents and caregivers respect the unique pressures young men face and avoid dismissing their feelings as trivial or immature. Showing up with presence—even through simple acts like sitting silently beside a son—can be more powerful than many words.

He challenges parents to consider what challenges they are willing to endure for the wellbeing of their children, emphasizing that the legacy parents leave is less about achievements and more about loving, attentive relationships. Apologizing when wrong, especially to a child, models humility and emotional honesty that helps break cycles of trauma.

The Path to Becoming a Comprehensive Man

One of Jason's key teachings is the concept of the "comprehensive man," distinct from the traditional masculine archetype. The masculine male suppresses emotions, narrowly defines manhood as strength and provision, fears vulnerability, and isolates himself emotionally. In contrast, the comprehensive man embraces a broader emotional spectrum, expressing vulnerability without fear, respecting others (especially women), and mastering emotions instead of being enslaved by them.

Jason urges men to face their fears, engage with their childhood wounds, and bravely explore their internal worlds in order to heal fully. This journey is not easy, but it is necessary. He explains that repressing emotional pain inevitably leads to destructive outcomes—either explosive anger or implosion into silence and depression.

He also suggests that retreats and immersive experiences—such as the ones facilitated by himself and other organizations—can provide critical spaces where men can disconnect from daily pressures and do the deep inner work needed for transformation.

Hope, Healing, and the Power of Compassion

Throughout the conversation, Jason offers a hopeful and inspiring message: healing is possible, and men do not have to walk their struggles in silence or isolation. By learning to rest, to feel deeply, and to shed the limiting mantras of toughness and self-sacrifice, men can reclaim their joy, presence, and purpose.

His own life reflects this journey—from carrying unresolved childhood trauma and struggling with anger and depression, to becoming a leader and healer helping thousands of boys and men worldwide. Jason's story reminds us that vulnerability and strength are not opposites but partners.

Finally, Jason reaches out with a call to women and loved ones: to listen, validate, and support men without judgment; to meet them where they are; and above all, to love them unconditionally. He debunks the myth that men do not want or need emotional connection, emphasizing that beneath the armor, every man longs to be truly seen, heard, and loved.