How to Get Unstuck: Do This to Create the Future You Want
Added: Jul 12, 2024
Dr. Adam Alter, a renowned researcher and professor at NYU, discusses the common feeling of being "stuck" in life and provides insights on how to overcome it. He explains that feeling stuck is a universal human experience, often accompanied by a sense of emptiness and meaninglessness. Many people struggle with a loss of direction, feeling that their daily activities don't build towards anything substantial or meaningful.
Dr. Alter identifies two types of "stuck": one where a person has a specific goal but can't progress towards it, and another where they feel generally unfulfilled without a clear direction. He emphasizes that being stuck is not a personal failing, but a common human experience that can be addressed systematically.
The Anatomy of a Breakthrough
Dr. Alter's research has led him to develop a roadmap for getting unstuck, which he outlines in his book. He stresses the importance of understanding that stuckness is universal and that there are concrete steps one can take to overcome it. The process involves identifying friction points in one's life, intervening to address them, and confirming the effectiveness of those interventions.
One key concept Dr. Alter introduces is the "friction audit." This involves listing all the things in one's life that create resistance, frustration, or negative emotions. By identifying these friction points, individuals can turn them into projects to be addressed, either by removing them from their life, delegating them, or changing their attitude towards them.
The Importance of Goals and Forward Motion
Dr. Alter emphasizes the significance of setting goals and taking action, even if they seem unrelated to the area where one feels stuck. He explains that engaging in purposeful activities, such as running a marathon, learning a new skill, or pursuing a creative project, can signal to oneself that forward motion is possible. These goals act as "palate cleansers," preparing individuals to tackle the more significant issues in their lives.
The research shows that people often experience a heightened sense of questioning life's meaning at the end of each decade (ages ending in 9). Dr. Alter suggests using this natural tendency to reflect on one's life and set new goals, but also encourages doing this process more frequently, such as annually.
Overcoming Fear and Inertia
For those who feel paralyzed by fear of failure or uncertainty, Dr. Alter recommends taking "minimally viable actions." These are small, manageable steps that move a person in the right direction without overwhelming them. For example, if someone wants to change careers, a minimally viable action might be researching alternative industries or making a list of potential companies to work for.
Dr. Alter also addresses the fear of failure, emphasizing that most failures are not final and often provide valuable learning experiences. He distinguishes between "good" failures, which provide insights and direction for future attempts, and "bad" failures, which leave a person feeling dejected without clear lessons.
The Role of Others in Getting Unstuck
When seeking advice or support, Dr. Alter recommends consulting three types of people: those similar to oneself who understand the situation, those with different backgrounds and perspectives, and "black sheep" who actively challenge one's ideas. This diverse input can provide a well-rounded view of the situation and potential solutions.
Practical Steps for Breaking Through
Dr. Alter provides several practical strategies for overcoming stuckness:
1. Conduct a friction audit to identify areas of resistance in your life.
2. Set a goal, even if it seems unrelated to your main area of stuckness.
3. Take minimally viable actions to get the ball rolling.
4. Treat your efforts as experiments, allowing for curiosity and learning.
5. Alternate between exploration (trying different things) and exploitation (focusing deeply on one approach).
Throughout the conversation, Dr. Alter emphasizes that getting unstuck is a process that requires consistent effort and self-reflection. By understanding the nature of stuckness and applying these strategies, individuals can tap into their potential and make meaningful progress in their lives.
Personal Experiences and Examples
The podcast host, Mel Robbins, shares personal experiences to illustrate Dr. Alter's points. She describes feeling stuck despite outward success and how a friend helped her conduct a friction audit. This process led to significant changes in her life and work. She also shares how she applied the concept of minimally viable actions to launch her podcast, taking small daily steps over the course of a year before actually recording any episodes.
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