Overloaded, Exhausted, and Ready for a Reset: 3 Doctors Give Their Best Advice

In this podcast episode, Mel Robbins addresses the overwhelming and often invisible burden carried by caregivers—whether they are parents, spouses, or those caring for aging relatives. The conversation centers on the unique and chronic stress known as caregiver syndrome, a condition that affects millions yet remains underrecognized. Robbins brings together three distinguished medical experts—Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, and Dr. Rangan Chatterjee—who not only bring professional expertise but also personal experience as caregivers themselves. Together, they offer validation, practical advice, and hope for those feeling lost in the relentless demands of caregiving.

The Reality of Caregiver Syndrome

Robbins opens by painting a vivid picture of the daily life of a caregiver: waking up early only to immediately begin mentally triaging the day’s endless responsibilities, juggling the needs of children, aging parents, spouses, and work, all while neglecting their own well-being. This exhausting cycle often leads to feelings of resentment, guilt, and isolation. Robbins emphasizes that the low mood and exhaustion caregivers feel are not signs of failure but symptoms of caregiver syndrome—a specific type of chronic stress that takes a toll on mental and physical health.

Caregiver syndrome manifests in many ways: persistent fatigue despite rest, irritability, emotional numbness, withdrawal from social life, disrupted sleep, and a pervasive sense of guilt when taking time for oneself. Robbins highlights that this syndrome is widespread, with millions of Americans providing unpaid elder care, many as sole caregivers, spending hours daily managing complex logistics and emotional labor. The stress is compounded by loneliness, the absence of a clear endpoint, and the reshaping of relationships, where caregivers often become nurses, advocates, and managers rather than just family members.

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar: Parenting Stress and the Importance of Self-Compassion

Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, a Harvard-trained physician and mother, brings attention to the often-overlooked stress of parenting, which shares many features with caregiver syndrome. Citing the 2024 Surgeon General’s Advisory, she reveals that nearly half of parents feel overwhelmed by stress regularly, with loneliness and burnout especially high among single parents. Dr. Nerurkar stresses that parenting is sacred but also incredibly demanding, and caregivers must “parent themselves” with the same care and boundaries they set for their children.

She explains that adults’ brains continue to evolve and respond to self-care practices such as sleep, movement, and connection, which are essential for managing stress. Importantly, she points out that poor parental mental health can negatively impact children’s health and well-being, making self-care not just a personal necessity but a generational imperative. Dr. Nerurkar encourages caregivers to practice self-compassion, recognizing that perfection is impossible and that repair and gentleness toward oneself are vital. Her message is clear: acknowledging the stress and asking for help does not diminish love or commitment; it is a crucial step toward sustainable caregiving.

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin: Reclaiming Agency Through Boundaries and Small Acts of Self-Care

Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a psychiatrist and mother, addresses the profound sense of loss of control that many caregivers experience. She explains that feeling powerless and trapped in caregiving roles—whether due to chronic illness, mental health challenges, or other crises—leads to burnout and hopelessness. Dr. Lakshmin introduces the concept of “agency,” the ability to take meaningful action even within constraints, as a key to regaining control and improving well-being.

She offers five reflective questions designed to help caregivers assess their current state: motivation, energy drains, rest habits, willingness to ask for and receive help, and time spent on personally meaningful activities. These questions serve as a diagnostic tool to identify where energy is leaking and where boundaries need to be set. Dr. Lakshmin emphasizes starting small with boundaries, such as taking a proper lunch break or drinking water regularly, rather than attempting drastic changes with family dynamics right away. These small acts build confidence and create a foundation for larger shifts.

A powerful metaphor she shares compares guilt to plates of sushi on a conveyor belt—some appetizing, some not—and encourages caregivers to let guilt pass by without letting it dictate their decisions. She acknowledges that guilt is a common barrier, especially for single parents or those caring for seriously ill loved ones, but stresses that tolerating and reducing guilt through practice is essential. Dr. Lakshmin also highlights the importance of recognizing “rubber balls” versus “glass balls” in life—knowing which responsibilities can be let go or delegated without catastrophic consequences.

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee: Changing the Story and Prioritizing Self-Care

Dr. Rangan Chatterjee shares a deeply personal story of his own caregiving journey, caring for his dying father while balancing a demanding medical career and family life. He reflects on how caregiving became his identity, leading to chronic stress, strained relationships, and physical symptoms like back pain. This identification with caregiving as a measure of self-worth created immense pressure and inner turmoil.

Through experience and reflection, Dr. Chatterjee learned to separate his identity from the caregiving role, recognizing that he could care deeply without it defining him entirely. This shift allowed him to reclaim time and energy, improve his relationships, and provide better care for his mother later on. He underscores the importance of self-care, even if it is just five minutes a day, as a way to replenish one’s capacity to care for others.

Dr. Chatterjee also advocates for a daily practice of solitude—moments of quiet reflection or mindfulness—to tune into the body’s signals and emotional state. This practice helps detect early signs of stress and burnout, enabling proactive adjustments before crises arise. He shares how this inner awareness has transformed his approach to caregiving and life balance, allowing him to set healthier boundaries and prioritize his well-being without guilt.

A Message of Hope and Practical Empowerment

Throughout the episode, Robbins and the experts emphasize that caregiver stress is a natural response to an overwhelming situation, not a personal failing. They validate the feelings of exhaustion, guilt, and resentment, while offering practical, realistic strategies to regain control and self-worth. The key takeaways are that caregivers deserve care themselves, small changes matter, and reclaiming agency starts with honest self-assessment and tiny, manageable steps.

Robbins closes with a heartfelt reminder that caregivers are not alone, and that their value extends beyond their caregiving roles. She encourages listeners to let go of guilt, embrace self-compassion, and recognize that taking care of themselves is essential—not selfish.

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