"You're Going To Die Sooner Than You Think!" - Do This Everyday To Live Longer, Healthier & Happier

Added: Jul 1, 2024

The Countdown Exercise

Wellman introduces a powerful exercise where she has people calculate how many Mondays they have left to live based on average life expectancy. For males, the starting number is 78 years, for females 83 years, and for those who don't identify with either gender, 80 years. She walks the host through the calculation, subtracting his current age from 78 and multiplying by 52 weeks in a year. The host calculates he has 1,872 Mondays left.

Wellman explains that this exercise is meant to create a sense of "temporal scarcity" - when we see our lives as a limited time asset, we tend to value it more. The initial reaction is often shock at how few Mondays are left, which can be uncomfortable but motivating. The goal is to use this discomfort to inspire action on dreams or goals we've been putting off.

Delusions and Denial About Death

Wellman discusses how most people live with delusions of immortality, denying death as a psychological defense mechanism. Modern society has largely removed death from our day-to-day experience, unlike in the past when death was much more visible in communities. She contrasts this with some Eastern cultures and traditions that maintain a closer relationship with death.

This denial leads many people to live on autopilot, taking life for granted and slipping into routines where days become indistinguishable. Wellman argues that by facing our mortality, we can reduce anxiety around death and live more intentionally.

Finding Meaning and Purpose

Wellman emphasizes that contemplating death isn't meant to be morbid, but rather to help us live with more intention and meaning. She discusses how people often put off their dreams or hopes indefinitely, but "forever isn't real." By doing the countdown exercise and facing our limited time, we're forced to prioritize what truly matters.

She encourages people to ask themselves what makes them feel truly alive and to schedule things to look forward to, even if they're small pleasures. Wellman shares an example of a woman who realized tending to her orchids brought her joy, something she had neglected for years after moving. By identifying these sources of joy, we can intentionally incorporate them into our lives.

Wellman also talks about the importance of taking an "inventory" of our current life situation across different domains - love, social, work, finances, recreation, spiritual, health. This helps diagnose "dead zones" where we may have flatlined and need to inject more energy or attention.

Overcoming Fear and Taking Action

While awareness of death can be motivating, Wellman acknowledges that many people still struggle to take action due to fear. She discusses how sometimes our "bucket lists" become safe holding places for dreams we're afraid to pursue. Positive fantasizing about goals can actually reduce motivation by providing enough satisfaction to prevent action.

Wellman encourages starting small and focusing on alignment with our core values rather than grandiose plans. She suggests asking what we would regret not trying or pursuing, even if we don't achieve the end goal. The key is to take steps towards living a life that feels meaningful and purposeful to us individually.

Wellman's Personal Story

Wellman shares how her interest in this topic stems partly from her mother's death at age 58 from a heart attack. When cleaning out her mother's apartment, she discovered drawers full of unfinished creative projects, business ideas, and dreams her mother never pursued due to lack of confidence. This became a powerful wake-up call for her about the shortness of life and the importance of not letting dreams go dormant.

Wellman's mother struggled with bipolar disorder and was generally very fearful and anxious. This experience motivated her to study the concept of "memento mori" (remember you must die) and eventually start her company, 4000 Mondays, to help others live more intentionally.

Wellman also opens up about her own decade-long struggle with eating disorders, which she now recognizes as a dysfunctional coping mechanism during a time when she felt unsettled in her career. She sees this period as a time when she was "plugged into a life machine" rather than truly living. Increasing her awareness of life's shortness helped motivate her to make healthier choices.

Practical Exercises and Techniques

Throughout the conversation, Wellman shares several practical exercises and techniques for incorporating death awareness into daily life:

1. Visual reminders: Keep small visual cues around as reminders of mortality.

2. Social conversations: Discuss bucket lists and life goals with friends and family.

3. Death meditation: Practice guided meditations focused on mortality.

4. Weekly check-ins: Do the "Mondays left" calculation regularly as a reminder.

5. Savoring: Identify limited experiences (like number of summers with kids) to fully appreciate them.

6. Values alignment: Reflect on core values and whether current life choices honor them.

7. Micro-timelines: Apply the concept of limited time to shorter periods, like the remainder of the year.

8. Gratitude practice: Use death as a contrast to boost appreciation for life.

Wellman emphasizes that the goal of these practices is not to create panic, but to inspire purposeful living and gratitude for the time we have.

Corporate Applications

Wellman discusses how she's adapted these concepts for corporate settings, focusing on legacy and motivating teams. She notes that while some companies might fear employees questioning their jobs, many progressive leaders recognize that supporting well-rounded lives leads to better work performance. She suggests team exercises like sharing personal goals and holding each other accountable, or discussing weekend activities to acknowledge life outside work.

Redefining Purpose and Meaning

Wellman addresses how the concept of "purpose" can be intimidating for many people. She encourages redefining purpose on a smaller, more personal scale aligned with individual values. Purpose doesn't have to mean solving global problems; it can be being a good family member or pursuing a creative passion. The key is identifying what brings a sense of depth and satisfaction, then orienting daily choices around that purpose.

Conclusion and Final Thoughts

As the conversation concludes, the host shares a quote from Wellman's book: "Thinking about death is a natural gratitude booster." Wellman emphasizes that befriending the "Grim Reaper" can provide valuable perspective, helping us make better choices, connect more deeply, have more fun, and feel more gratitude. She encourages listeners to be "not afraid" and to use death awareness as a wake-up call to live more fully.

Wellman's book "You Only Die Once: How to Make it to the End with No Regrets" is available now, and her TED Talk has over a million views. She is active on Instagram at @4000Mondays and writes a weekly blog at 4000Mondays.com.

The host concludes by reflecting on how strange it is that we rarely discuss death in daily life, despite its inevitability and power to shape our perspective. He thanks Wellman for broaching this sometimes uncomfortable but crucial topic, reminding listeners of the importance of acknowledging mortality in order to live more powerfully in the present.