Porn Is DANGEROUS, But Not For The Reasons You Think - Chandler Rogers

This conversation features Chandler Rogers, co-founder of the Relay app, which aims to help men overcome pornography usage and cultivate healthier, more connected lives. The discussion explores the vast scale of the porn industry, its social and psychological impacts, particularly on men and women, and how technological advances and cultural shifts have intensified related challenges. Chandler shares his personal story, insights into addiction and shame, the rise of AI and social media's role, and the complexity of addressing pornography from moral, societal, and policy perspectives.

The Scale and Issues of the Porn Industry

The porn industry is a massive $96 billion global market, deeply intertwined with serious societal problems such as sex trafficking and exploitation. A significant portion of the content's production involves people who are often miserable or coerced, with many creators facing substance abuse and emotional harm. This underbelly complicates the consumption of adult content, further layering guilt and shame for users who recognize their participation in a system rife with unethical practices. Pornography's widespread availability has made it nearly impossible to avoid, contributing to its normalization and embedding it firmly in social media as pervasive advertisement.

Personal Struggle with Pornography

Chandler candidly recounts his own lifelong wrestling with pornography, beginning in his teenage years amid the rise of social media platforms like Instagram. Raised in a Christian household with strong performance and achievement values, he experienced a growing internal conflict as pornography use became a hidden, shameful pattern. The more he attempted to abstain, the deeper his sense of unworthiness and isolation grew, fostering a double life where he felt disconnected from his authentic self and community. His struggle exemplifies how difficult it can be to confront and overcome this habit without support.

Creating Relay: Connection Against Isolation

The Relay app emerged from Chandler's realization of the critical role community and connection play in overcoming compulsive behaviors. He contrasts his initial fear and stigma about joining therapy groups with the power he found in sharing struggles with others facing the same challenges. Relay provides anonymity and lowers barriers to entry, helping men transition from secrecy and shame into supportive, accountability-based groups. This approach stems from the belief inspired by researcher Johan Hari that addiction's opposite is not sobriety but connection, underscoring the isolating nature of pornography habits.

Technology, Accessibility, and Culture Shifts

The advent of smartphones, broadband internet, and social media has drastically altered the landscape of pornography exposure. Unlike previous generations that needed to seek out magazines or physical media, today's youth are bombarded with sexualized content algorithmically fed through ubiquitous platforms. This hyper-accessibility means that even unintentional consumption happens easily, fostering early and often unavoidable exposure. Chandler highlights the rapid cultural evolution marked by the normalization and commercialization of these behaviors within digital ecosystems, thereby making resistance increasingly difficult.

The Role of Social Media and AI in Porn Normalization

Social media platforms, especially those with borderline content like Instagram or X (formerly Twitter), continuously blur lines between entertainment and explicit material, compounding exposure risks. The rise of AI-driven adult content, including personalized erotica and virtual "AI girlfriends," introduces new dimensions of concern. These technologies simulate intimacy and connection but ultimately reinforce isolation and escapism. The prevalence and sophistication of such platforms magnify worries about replacing real human relationships with artificial, dopamine-driven substitutes, which may erode emotional maturity and social skills over time.

Isolation, Shame, and Emotional Needs

Pornography's unique capacity for anonymity and easy concealment fuels a cycle of isolation and shame. Unlike other addictions which often manifest visible signs, porn can be consumed privately with minimal physical evidence, making it easier to keep secret but harder to address openly. This secrecy amplifies feelings of unworthiness and self-loathing. At its core, pornography use often represents a coping mechanism for unmet emotional needs — particularly the desire for love, connection, and relief from discomfort. Yet, it delivers a false sense of intimacy, reinforcing disconnection rather than healing it.

The Psychological and Relational Harm

Beyond moral or religious viewpoints, the harm of pornography extends into tangible psychological and relational issues. For many men, especially those in relationships, porn consumption can cause betrayal, broken trust, and distance from real intimacy. Problems such as erectile dysfunction in young men have been linked to early and frequent porn exposure, highlighting a physical impact connected to neurological conditioning. Even for single men or those without clear consequences yet, porn's interference often steals time, saps energy, fosters depression and anxiety, and detracts from ambitions and authentic social interactions, undermining self-esteem and purpose.

Impact Among Women

Though frequently framed as a predominantly male issue, pornography use among women is rising notably. The pathways in which women enter this landscape often differ, including engagement with AI-driven romantic and erotic virtual interactions or written erotica. Emotional motives such as seeking comfort, connection, and coping with pain are shared across genders, revealing how porn use reflects broader human struggles with attachment and need fulfillment. Women, like men, experience shame and isolation around these behaviors, yet they may feel additional invisibility due to societal assumptions that it is mostly a male problem.

Biological and Evolutionary Perspectives

The conversation acknowledges that sexual desire is an innate, healthy human impulse fundamental to survival and species continuation. The danger lies not in the desire itself, but in the distortion and commodification of sexuality through digital pornography that disconnects it from real-world contexts of relational intimacy and commitment. This "hijacking" of the brain's reward system creates artificial feedback loops where the normal biological drive is satisfied by digital stimuli rather than genuine human connection, producing an incongruent existence that leaves many feeling unfulfilled and disconnected despite constant consumption.

Societal Incentives and Patterns

Human behavior often follows incentives and the path of least resistance. The ease and ubiquity of pornography, combined with evolving cultural attitudes that downplay shame and elevate personal freedom, create strong environmental and psychological momentum toward continued use. This parallels broader societal trends such as unhealthy diet or sedentary lifestyles that favor immediate gratification over long-term well-being. Addressing porn's impact thus requires recognizing how technology and culture shape choices and temptations, making individual efforts to quit especially challenging without structural support.

Hope and Social Awakening

Despite technological and cultural headwinds, Chandler expresses cautious optimism, noting a growing movement of radical authenticity among younger generations. Increased awareness of pornography's harms, including ethical concerns about its production and its social consequences, fosters a desire among many to break free. Initiatives like Relay and broader community mobilizations aimed at reducing porn use reflect this awakening. Many users are motivated not only by faith but also by a secular understanding of personal well-being, relationships, and social responsibility, signaling a complex but hopeful shift toward healthier norms.

Regulation and Policy Challenges

The scale and dispersed nature of online pornography make regulatory efforts exceedingly difficult. While bans are often proposed, Chandler is skeptical about their efficacy given the vast quantity of content and ingenuity of users and producers. However, targeted measures like age verification to shield minors gain broad support. The resistance to even these protections from certain groups raises questions about underlying incentives. Balancing freedom, morality, and public health concerns remains a contentious realm, complicated by evolving social values, technology's pace, and competing interests from corporations to advocacy groups.

Ethical Accountability and Consumer Awareness

An important theme is the ethical responsibility of consumers to understand what they support. Increasing exposés on coercion, exploitation, and non-consensual content within the porn industry have shifted perceptions for many users, generating feelings of complicity and moral unease. This awareness motivates some to disengage not only for personal reasons but to reject participation in systemic harm. The discussion spotlights the need for transparency, education, and advocacy to illuminate the often hidden damages behind the seemingly glamorous facade of adult entertainment.

Supporting Recovery Through Community

Central to the conversation is the recognition that overcoming this complicated issue is unlikely through willpower alone. The power of community, shared vulnerability, and empathetic accountability distinguishes successful recovery from isolation-driven relapse. Relay's platform embodies this by providing accessible, stigma-free spaces for men and women to connect, share challenges, and build healthier habits. This approach acknowledges that pornography use is not just about sexual behavior but deeply entwined with emotional health, identity, and human connection.

Future Directions and Cultural Reflections

Looking ahead, the interplay of advancing technologies like AI, shifting cultural landscapes, and evolving public consciousness will shape ongoing debates regarding pornography. Chandler expresses hope that increasing authenticity, empowerment, and societal acknowledgment of these challenges will facilitate healthier norms. At the same time, the conversation underscores the need for nuanced understanding that transcends simplistic moralizing, balancing individual freedom, public welfare, relational health, and ethical considerations in a rapidly changing digital age.