Added: Oct 17, 2023
In this podcast episode, the host explores various topics related to modern dating, relationships, and gender dynamics with Sadia Khan, a psychologist who provides insights into the psychological aspects of dating and relationships.The conversation begins with the host asking Sadia about her ban on Instagram. Sadia explains that she was banned due to a conflict with an OnlyFans content creator who felt that Sadia was pushing a narrative against sex work and pornography. Sadia managed to get back on Instagram but vows to stay out of trouble in order to keep her platform.
The discussion then moves on to the topic of love and why modern representations of female stories seem to be devoid of love. Sadia suggests that the decline of marriage and long-term relationships has led to a negative perception of love. She explains that people often define their entire experience of love based on their negative past relationships, which leads them to label love as toxic. Sadia argues that love itself is not toxic, but rather it is our behaviors and decision-making that can create toxicity in relationships.
The conversation delves into the influence of media and marketing in promoting the idea that love is unnecessary. Sadia suggests that there is a trend of promoting independence and avoiding emotional connection, as it creates more customers for various industries. She also discusses the recent Snow White movie preview and how the lead actress seems to portray a lack of interest in love, which reflects the current narrative of love being weak or unnecessary.
The discussion then shifts to the rise of escorts and sex work. Sadia explains that many women who enter sex work have a history of childhood sexual abuse, and monetizing sex is a way for them to regain control and minimize the trauma they experienced. She also highlights the difficulty these women face in forming emotional connections and understanding loyalty in relationships. Sadia then discusses the psychology of men who pay for escorts, explaining that they often have low self-esteem and struggle with emotional connection.
The conversation moves on to the topic of "shaming," specifically fat-shaming and slut shaming. Sadia argues that shaming serves as a way to validate poor decision-making and normalize abnormal behavior. She emphasizes the importance of guilt, shame, and regret in guiding responsible decision-making and healthy relationships.
The discussion then explores the concept of "nice guys" and the problem with being overly nice. Sadia explains that the issue lies in weak boundaries and a lack of masculinity, rather than simply being nice. She suggests that setting boundaries and having the willingness to walk away are essential in establishing healthy relationships.
The conversation touches on the dynamics of intersexual competition and how it contributes to slut shaming and simp shaming. Sadia explains that women engage in slut shaming to prevent the devaluation of sex, while men engage in simp shaming to prevent the devaluation of resources. Both forms of shaming aim to discourage competitors from giving away valuable resources.
The discussion then explores the challenges of female to female relationships and the lack of support among women. Sadia explains that women can be verbally aggressive towards each other when they perceive each other as threats. She suggests that this behavior stems from evolutionary instincts and the need to protect resources.
The conversation touches on the difficulties men face in balancing niceness and assertiveness. Sadia suggests that it is possible to be nice without being weak and that the line of acceptable behavior is wider than most people think. She emphasizes the importance of experience and skill in navigating social interactions and flirting.
The discussion continues with the topics of treating people mean to keep them keen and whether men and women can be friends. Sadia argues that treating people mean is counterproductive and filters out healthy individuals. She believes that men and women can be friends, although it may be challenging due to potential romantic or sexual tensions.
The conversation then delves into the topic of why women can have better friendships with men. Sadia explains that women often seek male friendships because they find it difficult to find good female friendships. She suggests that women may feel threatened by other women and struggle to find women who are not threatened by them. Additionally, she argues that women with a wide range of interests and conversations can naturally connect with different types of people, including men.
The discussion then shifts to the concept of attraction and how it is perceived differently by men and women. It is mentioned that men tend to overestimate the level of attraction women have towards them, while women tend to underestimate the level of attraction men have towards them. This failure of cross-sex mind reading can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication between men and women.
Sadia also touches on the topic of bisexuality and how it is portrayed in society. She suggests that the rise of bisexuality may be influenced by external factors such as the prevalence of bisexuality in pornography. She also notes that men who identify as bisexual often end up choosing homosexuality because women are not as accepting of male bisexuality.
The conversation then explores the impact of fatherlessness on children and their behavior in relationships. Sadia explains that men who grow up without a father figure often end up in abusive relationships with women. She suggests that this may be because they put their mothers on a pedestal and seek to save and fix broken women, which can lead to unhealthy dynamics.
The podcast also touches on the culture of anti-children and anti-family creation, as well as the extended adolescence phenomenon. It is noted that many young people are delaying marriage, starting families, and taking on adult responsibilities. This shift towards individualism and isolation can impact relationships and the desire to create families.
The conversation continues with a discussion about the influence of reality TV dating shows on young people's perceptions of love. It is argued that these shows often portray love as a game to be won, where loyalty is both important and disposable. This can create unrealistic expectations and unhealthy dynamics in real-life relationships.
The conversation continues with a discussion about the challenges of dating in the modern world. Sadia Khan shares her perspective on the difficulties of finding a genuine connection and the pressure to make quick decisions in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of building a strong sense of self and not relying solely on the validation of others.
The conversation then shifts to the topic of attractiveness and its impact on relationships. Sadia Khan explains that attractive people often face unique challenges, such as being judged based on their looks and dealing with jealousy from others. She also discusses the concept of "hot girls" being perceived as crazy and the reasons behind this stereotype.
The discussion then delves into the transgender community and the challenges they face in dating and relationships. Sadia Khan expresses her belief that transgender individuals have a different experience and trauma that sets them apart from cisgender individuals. She also questions the need for transitioning if gender is considered a social construct.
The conversation moves on to the topic of jealousy in relationships. Sadia Khan explains that jealousy often stems from childhood trauma and a fear of abandonment. She suggests that building an identity outside of the relationship can help alleviate jealousy and create a healthier dynamic.
The podcast then explores the concept of body count and its significance in relationships. Sadia Khan argues that body count should not be the sole focus, but rather the ability to say no to sex and reject potential partners. She also discusses the different perspectives on body count between men and women.
The conversation continues with a discussion on historical jealousy, where individuals feel jealous about their partner's past experiences. Sadia Khan explains that historical jealousy often stems from a fear of being hurt in the future and a lack of trust. She suggests that building trust and understanding in a relationship can help alleviate these feelings.
The discussion continues with the host asking Sadia about the current state of dating and relationships. Sadia explains that modern dating has become more complicated due to the abundance of options and the influence of technology. She highlights the paradox of choice, where having too many options can lead to indecision and dissatisfaction. Additionally, the rise of social media has created a culture of comparison and unrealistic expectations.
The conversation then shifts to the impact of technology on relationships. Sadia discusses how social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram are promoting AI girlfriends, which are virtual companions that offer emotional support and intimacy. She expresses concern about the dehumanization of relationships and the potential negative effects on both men and women. Sadia argues that relying on AI girlfriends can lead to a lack of emotional connection and the normalization of dehumanizing behavior.
The topic of infidelity is also explored in the podcast. Sadia shares her views on whether couples should get back together after infidelity. She suggests that if there are children involved, it may be worth considering reconciliation. However, she cautions that when a man forgives a woman for infidelity, it can lead to a loss of respect and a perception of weakness. Sadia advises couples to examine the underlying reasons for the affair and determine if it is something that can be addressed within the relationship.
The discussion then delves into the reasons why married women cheat. Sadia explains that some women may have settled for a partner they didn't truly want to marry, while others may be seeking validation and attention that they feel is lacking in their marriage. She also notes that women who grew up in single-parent households may be more prone to cheating due to a fear of loneliness and a desire to avoid emotional emptiness.
The conversation concludes with a reflection on the potential consequences of AI girlfriends and the impact on both men and women. Sadia argues that relying on AI companions can lead to a devaluation of human connection and a society of men who are unable to form meaningful relationships. She also suggests that women may retreat from dating altogether if they feel they cannot compete with AI girlfriends, leading to a further imbalance in the dating market.
