Do You Actually Need A Father To Raise A Child? - Dr Anna Machin | Modern Wisdom 680

Added: Sep 19, 2023

Dr. Machin explains that the current narrative about fathers is largely based on myths and stories that have been passed down through generations, rather than on academic or observational research. These myths perpetuate damaging stereotypes and undermine the confidence and importance of fathers in their families.

One of the myths that Dr. Machin wishes to bury is the belief that fathers are not instinctive parents. She argues that men are biologically primed to parent just as women are, and that the idea that mothers are magically able to parent while fathers have to learn is not supported by evidence. Men have the same biological capacity to care for and bond with their children, and they should trust their instincts and have confidence in their abilities as fathers.

Dr. Machin also discusses the demonization of fatherhood and suggests that it may be a coping mechanism in response to the rise of single-parent households. By minimizing the impact that fathers have on children's upbringing, society may be trying to make children in single-parent households feel like they are not missing out. However, this narrative ignores the importance of fathers in children's lives and the unique contributions they bring to parenting.

The conversation then shifts to the evolutionary role of fathers. Dr. Machin explains that human brains are six times larger than they should be for our body size, which presents a challenge during childbirth. Human babies are born prematurely compared to other mammals, and this necessitates the involvement of fathers in caregiving. Fathers stepping in to care for and protect their offspring was a significant evolutionary development, as only 5% of mammal species have investing fathers.

Dr. Machin also addresses the question of how long human gestation would be if it weren't for the width of women's hips. While there is no definitive answer, she suggests that it could be around 18 months or longer due to the energy and time required to grow a large brain. The need for fathers to invest in their offspring arose from this evolutionary challenge, as babies were not surviving without their involvement.

The conversation then delves into the psychological and emotional challenges that fathers face. Dr. Machin acknowledges that many fathers experience self-doubt and fear during the early stages of fatherhood. They may worry about not feeling an immediate bond with their baby or compare themselves unfavorably to the seemingly instinctive parenting of mothers. Dr. Machin reassures fathers that these feelings are normal and advises them to find their own unique ways of bonding with their child.

Dr. Machin highlights the importance of skin-to-skin contact between fathers and babies, as it promotes bonding and releases bonding hormones. She encourages fathers to advocate for this practice, as it is often not offered to them as routine. Skin-to-skin contact allows babies to smell and feel their fathers, fostering a sense of familiarity and connection.

The discussion then explores the differences in the roles of mothers and fathers in child-rearing. Dr. Machin explains that while both parents engage in caregiving and empathy, there are distinct differences in their roles. Mothers are biologically constrained by childbirth and breastfeeding, while fathers have more flexibility in their involvement. Fathers are primarily responsible for scaffolding their child's entry into the world beyond the family, preparing them to navigate social relationships, take appropriate risks, and develop resilience.

Dr. Machin emphasizes the importance of fathers in challenging their children and exposing them to appropriate levels of risk. Rough and tumble play, which typically starts around six to nine months, is a critical aspect of father-child bonding and child development. Through play, fathers teach their children reciprocity, social skills, empathy, and the ability to navigate challenges and failures.

Dr Machin emphasizes that rough and tumble play is not necessary for building a strong bond with a child, as other forms of quality time spent together can also be effective. However, she notes that adolescence is a critical time when fathers can have a particularly positive impact on their children's development. During puberty, there is a rewiring of the adolescent brain, and the focus of attachment shifts from parents to peers. Fathers can help their children navigate the social world during this time, which is crucial for their mental health and well-being.

The podcast also explores the challenges faced by fathers in society. Dr Machin highlights the lack of support and recognition for fathers, as well as the societal pressure for them to fulfill multiple roles as breadwinners and caregivers. She discusses the importance of empathy and understanding towards fathers, as they also go through emotional and physiological changes during the parenting journey.

Dr Machin addresses the pushback she receives for advocating for fathers' rights and involvement in parenting. She explains that some people view supporting fathers as taking away from women's rights and resources, but she argues that empathy is not a zero-sum game and that supporting both parents is beneficial for everyone involved.

In terms of interventions and suggestions, Dr Machin emphasizes the need for greater awareness and understanding of the importance of fathers in child development. She calls for more support and resources for fathers, particularly during the antenatal period and in healthcare settings. She also highlights the need for cultural and societal changes to recognize fathers as equal co-parents and to challenge stereotypes and biases.

Dr Machin concludes by discussing her current focus on fathers of children with special needs. She highlights the unique challenges these fathers face in preparing their children for the world and building resilience. She expresses her interest in researching this area further to provide strategies and support for fathers in similar situations.