A Woman’s Guide To Attracting Women - Blaine Anderson
Added: Jul 23, 2024
Blaine Anderson is a dating coach for men, helping them build confidence, authentically market themselves, create chemistry, flirt, and attract quality women. She addresses the common criticism that women can't teach men about dating, arguing that her lack of a Y chromosome doesn't disqualify her from describing what women want. In fact, she believes it makes her more equipped to speak on the subject. Blaine notes that the type of guy who dismisses female dating coaches isn't typically the kind of client she works with, as they're often less open to self-improvement and may lack empathy for women's experiences in dating.
Online Dating Dynamics
Blaine discusses the challenges of online dating, particularly for women. She cites an example of a woman named Penny who left the dating app Bumble due to the overwhelming effort required to get one date. Bumble, which requires women to make the first move, has introduced pre-written questions to alleviate the administrative burden on female users. Blaine supports this change but notes that it reflects the traditional dynamics of male-female interactions, where men are typically expected to approach and start conversations. She observes that even when women were given the opportunity to make the first move on Bumble, they often sent low-effort messages, leaving men to carry the conversation.
Approach Anxiety and Meeting Women in Person
One of the biggest problems Blaine encounters with her male clients is approach anxiety. Many men struggle with initiating conversations with women in real life, often overestimating how many women they're actually approaching. Blaine recommends keeping an "approach journal" to track interactions with women, as most men are surprised by how infrequently they actually engage in conversation. To overcome approach anxiety, Blaine suggests starting small by talking to people of all ages and genders, not just attractive women. She emphasizes the importance of authenticity and advises against using memorized pickup lines.
Blaine offers several tips for approaching women:
1. Take the pressure off by focusing on connecting with another human being rather than getting a phone number.
2. Make eye contact and smile before approaching to gauge interest.
3. Use simple, authentic opening lines based on the situation or environment.
4. Pay attention to non-verbal cues like posture, eye contact, and smiling.
She also discusses the importance of exit strategies in conversations, noting that many men struggle with ending interactions smoothly.
Online Dating Profile Optimization
Blaine provides advice on creating an effective online dating profile. The most crucial element is high-quality, recent photos that accurately represent the person. She recommends a clear face photo for the first picture, followed by full-body shots and lifestyle photos that showcase hobbies and interests. She advises against using selfies, mirror photos, and pictures with women who could be mistaken for ex-girlfriends.
For written content in profiles, Blaine suggests keeping it light-hearted and fun, avoiding resume-like descriptions or lists of desired traits in a partner. She recommends spending significant time crafting prompts and bios, focusing on unique details that spark curiosity and conversation.
Texting and Communication
Blaine emphasizes the importance of minimal texting, using it primarily for logistics rather than getting to know someone. She warns against becoming a "pen pal" and advises steering conversations towards in-person meetings relatively quickly. When it comes to asking for contact information, she recommends asking for a date first, then requesting a phone number rather than social media handles, as it shows more direct intent.
First Date Strategies
For first dates, Blaine suggests keeping things casual and low-pressure. She recommends activities like drinks at a bar, coffee, or a walk in a scenic area. The goal is to create a comfortable environment for conversation and to assess compatibility. She advises against high-investment first dates like fancy dinners, as they can create unnecessary pressure and expectations.
During the date, Blaine recommends aiming for a 70/30 split in conversation, with the woman doing most of the talking. She emphasizes the importance of asking questions and showing genuine interest. Physical touch is also crucial for creating romantic chemistry, starting with small gestures like a hug or kiss on the cheek at the beginning of the date and progressing naturally if there's mutual interest.
Traits Women Value in Men
Blaine discusses the traits that women prioritize in potential partners, noting that physical appearance is often less important to women than men might think. Instead, women tend to value:
1. Status and ambition: Women are attracted to men who show drive and a clear trajectory in life, regardless of their current position.
2. The ability to provide: This doesn't necessarily mean financial provision but rather the capacity to contribute meaningfully to a partnership.
3. Desire: Women want to feel genuinely desired by their partner.
4. Fun: The ability to create enjoyable experiences and maintain a positive outlook is highly valued.
Blaine emphasizes that it's often more about how a man presents himself and his life rather than the specific details of his job or circumstances.
Loneliness and Mental Health in Men
Blaine addresses the issue of loneliness among men, noting that while there is a significant subset of men struggling with isolation, it's not universal. She observes that many of her clients are successful professionals with robust social lives who are specifically seeking help with dating. For men who are truly isolated, she recommends focusing on building friendships and community before pursuing romantic relationships.
The podcast host shares his personal experiences with social struggles and emphasizes the importance of taking action to improve one's life circumstances. He and Blaine discuss the challenges of the "lonely chapter" - the period when someone is growing and changing but hasn't yet found a new social circle that aligns with their evolving identity.
Advice for Smart Guys
Blaine notes that many intelligent men struggle with dating due to overthinking and an overemphasis on intellectual connection at the expense of emotional and sexual chemistry. She advises smart men to focus on creating a romantic vibe through physical touch, playful teasing, and engaging in activities that evoke emotions rather than just stimulating intellectual discussion.
Improving Dating Skills
Throughout the podcast, Blaine emphasizes that dating skills can be learned and improved with practice. She recommends starting small, setting achievable goals, and consistently pushing outside one's comfort zone. This might involve simple steps like making eye contact with strangers, engaging in brief conversations with service workers, or joining social activities aligned with one's interests.
Blaine also discusses the value of improv classes or public speaking groups like Toastmasters for developing conversational skills and reducing fear of social interactions. She shares an improv exercise designed to improve parallel processing and creativity in conversation.
Conclusion
The podcast concludes with Blaine emphasizing the importance of authenticity, self-improvement, and taking action in one's dating life. She encourages listeners to focus on building a life they're genuinely proud of, as this naturally makes them more attractive to potential partners. She reiterates that while the journey to improving one's dating life can be challenging, it's entirely possible with the right mindset and consistent effort.
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