#1 PERSONALITY CHANGE EXPERT: THIS is Exactly How to Stop Being Socially Awkward (It's EASY!)

The Myth of Fixed Personality and the Possibility of Change

Olga begins by addressing a common misconception: many people believe they are born with a fixed personality and are stuck with it for life. This belief often leads to self-limiting narratives such as “I’m just not funny,” “I’m a disorganized person,” or “I’m naturally negative.” However, Olga explains that personality is not a static entity but rather a dynamic interplay of genetics, environment, and personal choices. While genetics contribute about 40 to 60 percent to personality traits, the environment and conscious decisions play a significant role in shaping who we are.

Contrary to the old adage that personality “sets like plaster” after age 30, recent research shows that people continue to change throughout their lives, sometimes even more so after 30. Life events, social roles, and deliberate efforts can all influence personality traits. Olga emphasizes that change is not about pleasing others but about aligning your traits and behaviors with your own goals and values.

Understanding Personality: The Big Five Traits

To ground the conversation, Olga defines personality scientifically as the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that come most naturally to a person. She highlights the Big Five personality traits—Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism (often remembered by the acronym OCEAN)—and explains how each trait influences our daily lives and goal pursuit. For example, conscientiousness helps with organization and career success, while agreeableness fosters warm relationships. Neuroticism, associated with anxiety and depression, reflects emotional stability or the lack thereof.

Olga points out that everyone has a unique blend of these traits on a spectrum, and no one is 100% introverted or extroverted. This spectrum nature means that even introverts can develop extroverted behaviors if they choose to, though it requires effort and practice.

Can an Introvert Become an Extrovert?

One of the most compelling parts of the discussion centers on whether introverts can become extroverts. Olga affirms that while it is possible, it is not about a permanent transformation but rather learning to “try on” extroversion as a free trait. This concept, introduced by psychologist Brian Little, suggests that people can adopt behaviors outside their natural tendencies temporarily to meet specific goals, such as giving a public speech or networking at work. Afterward, they can retreat to their natural state to recharge.

Olga shares her personal journey of increasing her extroversion by attending improv classes and social meetups, which initially felt uncomfortable but gradually became more natural. She stresses that this process is akin to learning any new skill—awkward at first but easier with repetition and exposure.

The Role of Habits in Personality Change

The conversation delves into the relationship between habits and personality traits. Olga explains that habits are repetitive behaviors, but personality involves an identity component—how much you incorporate those behaviors into your sense of self. For example, brushing your teeth is a habit but not part of your identity, whereas someone who runs regularly and identifies as a runner has integrated that habit into their personality.

Olga and J. Shetty both share personal experiences of how consistent practice in public speaking transformed their confidence and made extroverted behaviors feel natural rather than forced. This “fake it till you make it” approach is a practical pathway to personality change, where repeated actions eventually become part of who you are.

Overcoming Social Awkwardness Through Exposure and Practice

For those struggling with social awkwardness, Olga recommends regular exposure to social situations, even when it feels uncomfortable. Joining group activities that happen regularly, such as sports or hobby clubs, provides structured opportunities to interact without the pressure of organizing social events. This consistent exposure acts as a form of social “practice” that builds confidence and reduces anxiety over time.

Olga recounts some awkward social encounters she experienced during her own journey, emphasizing that not every interaction will be perfect, but persistence is key. She also highlights the importance of managing expectations and understanding that social skills are learned, not innate.

Personality Change and Mental Health: Depression and ADHD

The episode also explores how personality change strategies apply to people diagnosed with depression or ADHD. Olga explains that many mental health conditions have overlapping personality components. For instance, neuroticism is closely linked to depression and anxiety, and low conscientiousness is often associated with ADHD.

Remarkably, Olga shares that mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) meditation has been shown in studies to reduce neuroticism and depression scores as effectively as antidepressants like Lexapro. She describes her own experience with an eight-week MBSR course, which helped her reduce self-blame and negative thought spirals through concepts like the “double arrow” — the idea that we often hurt ourselves more by how we react to misfortunes than by the misfortunes themselves.

For ADHD, therapists often focus on building conscientiousness through practical tools like calendars, reminders, and organizational apps, which help compensate for natural challenges in attention and planning.

Navigating Authenticity and Change

A significant concern Olga addresses is the fear of losing authenticity when changing personality traits. She challenges the modern obsession with “authenticity” by pointing out that no one is 100% authentic all the time; we all filter our thoughts and behaviors depending on context. Authenticity, she argues, is better understood as showing up differently in different situations and growing over time.

Olga encourages listeners to view personality change not as faking or masking but as skill-building and growth. Just as people change their clothing style or communication style depending on the setting, they can also adapt their personality traits to better serve their goals and relationships.

Change in Relationships and the Limits of Influencing Others

When it comes to relationships, Olga acknowledges the frustration of wanting a partner to change. However, she stresses that meaningful change must come from within the individual. While partners can support each other by introducing helpful tools or creating supportive environments, ultimately, people change only when they want to and at their own pace.

This insight is crucial for anyone feeling stuck in a relationship dynamic where one partner hopes the other will “become better.” Olga advises focusing on self-change and accepting others as they are, which can lead to healthier relationships.

The Power of Having a “Why” and Support Systems

Olga highlights that successful personality change often requires a strong motivating reason—a “why” that fuels persistence through challenges. Whether it’s career advancement, personal fulfillment, or avoiding an undesirable future, having a clear goal helps maintain focus.

She also emphasizes the importance of social support, such as study buddies or accountability partners, which create a mutually reinforcing effect that makes change easier and less isolating.