#1 CONFIDENCE Coach: The hidden secret that has been holding you back from being CONFIDENT...

In this insightful conversation, Roxie Nafousi explores the intricate nature of confidence, unpacking common misconceptions and revealing how self-worth is the true foundation of genuine confidence. The discussion covers how confidence differs between introverts and extroverts, the impact of validation and the inner critic, the role of self-awareness, and the challenges of overcoming self-doubt. Roxie also opens up about her own struggles with body dysmorphia disorder (BDD), providing a vulnerable and powerful perspective on living with anxiety while embracing confidence. Practical steps to build confidence, celebrate oneself, and navigate rejection and people-pleasing behaviors are also thoroughly explored.

Defining Confidence

Roxie begins by redefining confidence as fundamentally tied to self-worth—the understanding that you are enough exactly as you are. She challenges the stereotype that confidence equates to being loud or extroverted, instead describing it as quiet, stable, and grounding. Confidence, in her view, means entering any room unapologetically as yourself and leaving without worrying about others' judgments. This reframing makes confidence accessible to all personality types.

Confidence in Introverts vs. Extroverts

Addressing how confidence manifests differently, Roxie outlines that extroverts often express confidence through social ease, charisma, and the ability to engage groups, while introverts exhibit a quiet, grounded confidence that doesn't rely on external validation. Confidence is not about proving oneself or dominating conversations; rather, it comes from an internal assurance that one's worth does not depend on being liked or noticed.

The Complexity of Validation

The discussion delves into the nuanced role validation plays in our lives. Roxie acknowledges that seeking some validation is natural and even healthy as it fosters societal connection and growth. However, the problem arises when external validation becomes the sole measure of one's worth, a shift amplified by social media where likes and attention replace tribal belonging as the benchmark for self-esteem. This undue emphasis on others' opinions distorts self-perception and traps many in an endless cycle of seeking approval.

The Inner Critic and Thought Patterns

Roxie explains that confidence is often sabotaged by the inner critic, a relentless voice that feeds self-doubt and insecurity. Our habitual thoughts sculpt deeply ingrained beliefs that filter every experience, creating self-fulfilling prophecies. For example, believing one is boring might cause distorted perceptions of social interactions, increasing anxiety and withdrawal. Roxie encourages mastering these thought patterns by consciously shifting beliefs and understanding that these negative voices are conditioned habits, not truths.

Self-Awareness vs. Self-Criticism

Distinguishing between self-awareness and self-criticism, Roxie emphasizes that true self-awareness is compassionate and growth-oriented. It involves recognizing areas for improvement without harsh judgment or self-deprecation. Confidence includes accepting oneself as both a "masterpiece and a work in progress," balancing honest reflection with kindness to foster authentic growth.

The Power of a Kind Inner Voice

A practical tool Roxie shares is writing motivational messages from one's "higher self" — an imagined future, empowered version of oneself. This exercise nurtures a kinder internal dialogue, gradually replacing the critical voice with encouragement. Living according to the choices one's higher self would make can create transformative shifts in mindset and behavior, empowering daily decisions and interactions.

Breaking Free from the Need to Be Liked

One of the core steps in Roxie's framework is to stop trying to be liked by everyone, recognizing that universal approval is impossible and unnecessary. She highlights how this pressure leads to people-pleasing, exhaustion, and loss of authenticity. Roxie introduces four essential truths: no one is thinking about us as much as we believe; we don't truly know what others think; it's impossible to please everyone all the time; and feelings of disconnect are often about incompatible energies, not personal failings. This perspective fosters greater acceptance of oneself and others.

People Pleasing vs. Making People Happy

Roxie differentiates people-pleasing as rooted in low self-worth and fear of rejection, whereas making people happy comes from a place of confidence and genuine kindness. The former demands self-sacrifice to gain approval; the latter is an authentic expression of care without losing oneself. Recognizing this distinction empowers individuals to set healthier boundaries and pursue relationships from strength, not neediness.

Handling Rejection and Conflict

On managing rejection, Roxie advocates radical acceptance—the practice of not personalizing others' disapproval or lack of connection. She stresses that others' opinions often stem from their own wounds and experiences and rarely reflect our true value. Roxie references Buddhist wisdom about the "second arrow," cautioning against adding unnecessary emotional pain by internalizing rejection. Letting go of destructive narratives reduces suffering and strengthens resilience.

Confidence as a Mindset Independent of External Success

Roxie debunks the myth that confidence is the result of reaching milestones like wealth, fame, or status. Many achieve these yet remain insecure. True confidence comes from internal work and self-acceptance. Pursuing goals is important for growth, but expecting confidence or happiness only after achieving them creates dissatisfaction. Instead, feeling worthy in the present enables genuinely enjoying success when it arrives.

Roxie's Personal Journey and Body Dysmorphia Disorder

Roxie courageously shares her lifelong battle with severe self-loathing and BDD, an anxiety disorder involving obsessive negative thoughts about appearance. From childhood rejection to struggles with addiction, eating disorders, and intense fears about her looks—even after cosmetic surgery—she illustrates how external changes don't eliminate internal pain. Her experiences affirm that confidence is not about perfection but managing and surviving mental health challenges while striving for self-love.

Navigating Life With BDD and Anxiety

Despite ongoing flare-ups, Roxie has developed strategies to manage her disorder through therapy, medication, and the mindset work she teaches. She normalizes the difficulty of living with BDD, describing it as an anxiety that can dominate every social interaction. Her vulnerability in discussing this publicly is itself a form of profound confidence, breaking stigma and offering hope to others facing invisible struggles.

Overexposure to One's Own Image in the Digital Age

The conversation touches on how modern technology intensifies self-scrutiny, forcing repeated exposure to one's own reflection via cameras and mirrors, which can exacerbate anxiety and dissatisfaction. Roxie contrasts this with traditional societies lacking mirrors to illustrate how this constant self-watching is a relatively new phenomenon that challenges mental well-being, especially for those prone to disorders like BDD.

Celebrating Yourself and Accepting Praise

Roxie stresses the importance of celebrating small, everyday wins and qualities that make each person unique. She identifies cultural barriers such as excessive humility and confusion between confidence and arrogance, which prevent people from accepting compliments and acknowledging accomplishments. Confidence involves recognizing your worth and growth without diminishing others and embracing celebration as a catalyst for further self-belief and positive social modeling.

Encouraging Kindness Toward Self and Others

By advocating for more compassion toward oneself and reducing judgment of others, Roxie highlights the interconnectedness of confidence and empathy. Catching "people doing things right" reframes perceptions positively, fosters better relationships, and in turn creates safer spaces for authentic self-expression, strengthening communal confidence.

Living as Your Best and Most Authentic Self

Ultimately, Roxie invites everyone to step into their higher self, acknowledging we are all multifaceted and imperfect yet worthy. True confidence is a continuous journey filled with vulnerability, self-compassion, and courage to show up despite fears. She encourages embracing this paradox to realize one's full potential and live a vibrant, fulfilling life.