Toxic World of Self Help: Hustle Culture, Fake Positivity, Addiction & Pursuing Money | Robin Sharma
Added: Jul 18, 2024
Robin Sharma is a renowned author and leadership expert who has been in the self-help world for several decades. He is best known for his book "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari" and for starting the 5 AM Club movement. In this conversation, Sharma discusses his latest book "The Wealth Money Can't Buy" and shares insights on personal growth, success, and living a fulfilling life.
Toxic Ideas in the Self-Help World
Sharma identifies several toxic ideas that have been perpetuated in the self-help world. One is the notion of toxic positivity - the idea that you should always be positive and look for the gold in every situation, even tragedies. He argues this can be dangerous as it causes people to suppress natural negative emotions. While positive thinking is important, it shouldn't come at the expense of processing difficult feelings.
Another unhelpful idea is the inflated sense of what humans can achieve. While Sharma believes strongly in human potential, he cautions that we can't be great at everything. The good news is we can all be great at something. A third toxic belief is becoming addicted to self-help, constantly consuming content without taking action to implement changes. This can become an escape from dealing with our wounds and limitations.
The Importance of Emotional Processing
Sharma emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to feel and process negative emotions rather than immediately trying to shift to positivity. He uses the example of going through a divorce or loss - instead of forcing gratitude, we should allow ourselves to feel the pain and sorrow. Pain can be a purifier if we build intimacy with it rather than repressing it. Only after processing the emotions can we authentically move to a more positive mindset.
The Four Interior Empires
Sharma teaches about four "interior empires" that are crucial for elite performance:
1. Mindset - Our psychology and beliefs
2. Heartset - Our emotional life
3. Healthset - Our physical wellbeing and energy
4. Soulset - Our spiritual life and connection to our truest self
He argues that working on all four of these interior empires is necessary for reaching our full potential and living a fulfilling life. Simply focusing on mindset alone is not enough.
The Dangers of Hustle Culture
While hard work is important, Sharma cautions against the "hustle and grind" mentality prevalent in some self-help circles. Research shows the most productive people work in intense bursts followed by rest and recovery. Constant grinding can lead to burnout and is not sustainable long-term. Rest is not a luxury but a necessity for peak performance and creativity.
The Eight Forms of Wealth
Sharma's new book focuses on eight forms of wealth that go beyond just money:
1. Growth - Personal development and learning
2. Wellness - Physical and mental health
3. Family - Relationships with loved ones
4. Craft - Finding meaning in your work
5. Money - Financial resources
6. Community - Social connections and associations
7. Adventure - Maintaining a sense of wonder and excitement
8. Service - Contributing to others and making a difference
He argues that true wealth comes from nurturing all of these areas, not just focusing on financial gain. Money is important but it's only one piece of the puzzle for a rich and fulfilling life.
The Importance of Reading
Sharma is a strong advocate for reading, calling it one of the most powerful tools for personal growth. He encourages buying more books than you think you can read in your lifetime, as surrounding yourself with books creates an enriching environment. He reads every day and also enjoys audiobooks, often listening while going for walks (what he calls "walking university").
Wellness Practices
In the wellness section of his book, Sharma recommends practices like getting sunlight, forest bathing (spending time in nature), and savoring positive experiences. He emphasizes that health is often taken for granted until it's lost, so we should prioritize our physical and mental wellbeing.
Relationship Advice
One key relationship lesson Sharma wishes he learned earlier is "a red flag is a red flag." He cautions against ignoring concerning behaviors in relationships due to wishful thinking. It's important to be realistic about who people are showing themselves to be rather than who we hope they will become.
Victim Mentality vs. Personal Responsibility
Sharma contrasts the victim mentality (characterized by complaining, blaming, and excusing) with taking absolute personal responsibility. Leaders and successful people take ownership of their choices and actions rather than blaming external circumstances. Recognizing that we have a choice in how we react to situations is a key realization on the personal growth journey.
Acts of Service and Respecting Others
Sharma encourages doing small acts of service daily, emphasizing how little it takes to make someone happy. He gives examples like buying coffee for others or tidying hotel rooms out of respect for housekeeping staff. These small gestures not only benefit others but also cultivate self-respect and integrity.
Connecting with Mortality
While many avoid thinking about death, Sharma sees it as a powerful tool for inspiration. Recognizing the shortness of life can motivate us to live more fully and intentionally rather than postponing our dreams and goals. Even a long life is relatively short, so we should make the most of our time.
Advice for Getting Started
For those new to personal development, Sharma advises simply starting with one small commitment rather than getting overwhelmed. Forgive yourself for past mistakes, recognizing that they shaped who you are today. Consistency in small positive habits can lead to major life transformations over time.
The 5 AM Club and Morning Routines
Sharma discusses his popular concept of the "5 AM Club" - waking up at 5 AM to start the day with intention. He sees this as "base camp" for personal growth, providing a foundation of good habits. The first hour of the day (which he calls the "victory hour") is crucial for setting a positive tone.
During this time, Sharma recommends exercise to release beneficial neurochemicals, followed by journaling. He suggests a "5 question morning maximizer":
1. What am I grateful for?
2. Where am I winning?
3. What will I let go of?
4. What does my ideal day ahead look like?
5. What do I need to hear at the end of my life?
Writing down answers to these questions helps refocus your mindset and set intentions. Sharma emphasizes that writing is powerful - "intentions are creative" and "writing is prayer on paper."
For those who say they don't have time for a long morning routine, Sharma suggests starting with just 5-10 minutes. Even small amounts of intentional time in the morning can make a big difference. He cautions against immediately checking phones upon waking, as this depletes attention and focus for the day ahead.
Overcoming Excuses and Taking Action
Sharma acknowledges that many people have reasons why they can't adopt new habits like waking up early. However, he encourages examining whether these are truly insurmountable obstacles or just excuses. Often people say they're too busy but spend hours each day on their phones or watching TV.
He advocates being "selfish" by investing time in yourself through practices like morning routines. While it may feel difficult at first, the benefits to your energy, productivity, and overall wellbeing make it worthwhile. He emphasizes that humans have incredible neuroplasticity - we can train ourselves to adopt new habits with consistency.
Cultivating Positivity
Sharma discusses Input Positivity, Output Positivity. By being intentional about the information and energy we take in (e.g. reducing negative news consumption, surrounding ourselves with uplifting people and environments), we naturally output more positivity. This creates an upward spiral of wellbeing and success.
Living Your Richest Life
Ultimately, Sharma's work is about helping people live their richest, most fulfilling lives across all dimensions - not just financially. He emphasizes that even those who achieve great financial success are often lacking in other important areas like relationships or inner peace.
True wealth comes from nurturing all eight forms of wealth he outlines. You know you're living your richest life when you feel a sense of serenity and things that used to bother you no longer do. It's about progress, not perfection - continuing to grow and improve over time.
Sharma encourages readers to start where they are, forgive their past, and take small consistent steps towards the life they want. By nurturing all aspects of wealth and living with intention, we can create lives of meaning, fulfillment and positive impact on others.
