Leading Psychologist: How To Finally Overcome Stress & Anxiety - Dr Julie Smith

Added: Oct 20, 2023

Dr. Smith's book, "Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before," breaks down various mental health issues into understandable forms with actionable solutions. She emphasizes that worry is often a common issue that people struggle with, as it involves overthinking and going round and round in circles, like a thought washing machine. The episode explores strategies for managing stress and anxiety, as well as addressing overthinking and burnout.

One of the key topics discussed is the importance of emotions and challenging limiting beliefs. Dr. Smith explains that holding thoughts and feelings at arm's length can help gain perspective on problems and allow for personal growth. She also highlights that meaningful achievements often involve discomfort and vulnerability, and being willing to embrace these feelings can open doors to personal growth and success.

Dr. Smith reflects on her journey since the first podcast episode and discusses the success of her book. While the book has achieved great sales numbers and recognition, she finds the most satisfaction in hearing from individuals who have found it helpful. She values the personal stories and experiences shared by readers who have found the book to be a valuable resource in their lives.

The conversation then shifts to the concept of the "feelings wheel," which helps individuals identify and describe their emotions. Dr. Smith explains that some people may struggle to articulate their feelings, either focusing on thoughts or physical sensations instead. The feelings wheel provides a range of vocabulary to describe emotions, helping individuals gain a better understanding of their experiences.

The discussion delves into the balance between recognizing that feelings are not facts and acknowledging the value of emotions. Dr. Smith explains that while feelings may not always be accurate representations of reality, they still provide valuable information about one's experiences. It is important to hold feelings lightly and remain open to other perspectives, rather than completely disregarding or becoming overly attached to them.

Dr. Smith shares her personal experience of managing anxiety before live TV appearances. She emphasizes the importance of practicing what she preaches and challenging herself to face fears. She uses techniques such as the physiological sigh and reframing negative thoughts to help manage anxiety and perform at her best.

The episode continues with Dr. Smith highlighting the importance of finding a balance between relaxation and alertness. It is not about eradicating anxiety completely, but rather bringing it down to a manageable level that allows for focus and performance. Small techniques, such as breathing exercises, can make a significant difference in reducing anxiety and enhancing overall well-being.

Dr. Smith then addresses the issue of managing someone else's emotions in a relationship. She shares her own experience of feeling the need to change her behavior when her partner is upset. However, she realizes that it is not her responsibility to control someone else's emotions. It is important to accept that people will experience a range of emotions, and it is not always necessary to try to make them feel better. Instead, offering validation and support can be more helpful.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of resolving conflicts in relationships. Dr. Smith suggests that it is not always necessary to resolve an argument before going to bed. Taking a break and allowing emotions to calm down can often lead to more productive discussions the next day. It is important to prioritize self-care and ensure that both partners are in a calm state before trying to resolve conflicts.

The host asks Dr. Smith about relationship rituals, such as date nights or weekly meetings. Dr. Smith explains that she and her husband do not have specific rituals but have developed a sense of humor and the ability to find humor in difficult situations. This helps them maintain a positive perspective and navigate challenges together.

The conversation then turns to the topic of managing stress and overthinking. Dr. Smith defines overthinking as excessive worry and explains that it can lead to rumination or anxiety. She suggests using mindfulness techniques to stay present and observe thoughts without getting caught up in them. By recognizing that thoughts are not facts and using distancing language, such as "I'm having thoughts that," we can create space between ourselves and our thoughts.

Dr. Smith also discusses the importance of journaling and writing down our thoughts. This process can help us gain perspective and realize that our thoughts may not be as true or significant as we initially believed. She mentions the work of Byron Katie, who uses a four-question method to challenge and reframe limiting beliefs.

Dr. Smith emphasizes the importance of labeling thoughts and recognizing them for what they are. By identifying thoughts as judgments, self-criticisms, opinions, memories, stories, or predictions, we can separate ourselves from them and reduce their impact on our emotions. This allows us to hold the thoughts at arm's length and not buy into them completely.

She also discusses the concept of personalizing, which is when we make an event or situation about ourselves in a negative way. For example, if someone doesn't wave back at us, we might immediately think that they hate us or that we did something wrong. Dr. Smith encourages us to consider other explanations for the situation and not automatically assume that it is a reflection of our worth or likability.

Another thought pattern she mentions is mental filtering, which is when we focus only on the negative aspects of a situation and disregard the positive. This can lead to feelings of stress and anxiety. Dr. Smith suggests being mindful of this tendency and consciously choosing to focus on the positive aspects instead.

The podcast also explores the difference between stress and anxiety. While they are often used interchangeably, Dr. Smith explains that stress is a response to demands placed on us, while anxiety is a more threat-based response. Understanding the difference can help us better manage these emotions and respond appropriately.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of burnout, particularly in the context of content creators. Dr. Smith acknowledges the pressure to constantly produce more content and the fear of missing out on opportunities. She shares her own experience of learning to balance work and self-care, noting that it is a constant learning process. She advises against basing self-worth on external factors such as views or followers and emphasizes the importance of finding fulfillment in the process of creating rather than the outcome.

Dr. Smith also addresses the concept of positive thinking, cautioning against the idea that we should never have negative thoughts. She explains that our brains are wired to generate negative thoughts as a survival mechanism, and trying to suppress them completely can be counterproductive. Instead, she suggests accepting that negative thoughts are a normal part of being human and choosing which thoughts to engage with and which to let go of.

The podcast continues with a discussion on the importance of self-care and setting boundaries. Dr. Smith emphasizes the need to prioritize one's well-being and not overextend oneself. She encourages listeners to be curious about their emotions and thoughts, rather than judgmental, and to make choices that align with their values and what is truly important to them.

The episode continues with a discussion about the effects of stress on mental health. Dr. Smith explains that stress is a normal part of life, but when it becomes chronic and overwhelming, it can lead to anxiety and other mental health issues. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing stress early on to prevent it from escalating.

Dr. Smith then discusses the concept of self-care and its role in managing stress and anxiety. She explains that self-care involves prioritizing activities that promote well-being, such as exercise, socializing, and getting enough sleep. She also emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and taking breaks to avoid burnout.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of supporting others who may be struggling with stress and anxiety. Dr. Smith advises against avoiding or distancing oneself from someone who is struggling, as this can exacerbate feelings of isolation. Instead, she suggests offering support and being present for the person, even if it means simply listening or engaging in activities that provide a distraction from their stress.

Dr. Smith also discusses the importance of aligning one's actions with their values. She explains that when individuals feel a sense of misalignment between their actions and their values, it can contribute to feelings of burnout and dissatisfaction. She suggests conducting regular values check-ins to assess whether one's actions are in line with their values and making adjustments as necessary.

The conversation then delves into strategies for taking care of one's mental health while studying or working for long periods of time. Dr. Smith emphasizes the importance of taking breaks and prioritizing self-care activities, such as socializing, exercising, and getting enough sleep. She also suggests setting clear rules and boundaries to ensure a healthy work-life balance.

The episode concludes with a discussion on how to approach someone who may be struggling with their mental health. Dr. Smith advises against avoiding the person or trying to solve their problems for them. Instead, she suggests offering support and asking the person how they can be best supported. By acknowledging one's own insecurities and fears about saying the wrong thing, it creates an open and supportive environment for the person to express their needs.