5 Powerful Habits To Build Unshakeable Confidence - Aliénor Hunter (Ultraspeaking)

Added: Dec 8, 2023

Hunter describes her debilitating social anxiety, to the point where she couldn't even go to the shops to speak to a cashier or make a phone call to book an appointment. She explains how she used to feel like a strange person sitting on an island looking at everyone else through a telescope, wishing that she could be like them. This feeling of isolation and longing to be like others is a common experience for people struggling with social anxiety and shyness.

She also discusses the difference between being shy and having social anxiety, explaining that shyness is a normal trait that many people can identify with, while social anxiety has a medical connotation and can be more debilitating. Hunter emphasizes that being shy is not necessarily a bad thing and can even be seen as a superpower, as it allows for greater observation and empathy.

Hunter's journey towards overcoming social anxiety involved seeking help from a therapist who specialized in social anxiety. She describes the process of questioning her beliefs and challenging the evidence for and against her negative thoughts. This process helped her to realize that her beliefs didn't align with the evidence she saw in her day-to-day life, leading to a shift in her perspective.

One of the techniques Hunter found particularly helpful was the use of distancing statements, where she would add phrases like "I am thinking that" and "I am noticing that" in front of her negative thoughts. This allowed her to create a sense of distance from her thoughts and recognize them as just thoughts, rather than absolute truths.

As Hunter continued to work with her therapist, she gradually made progress in breaking down her limiting beliefs and becoming more comfortable with speaking to others. She also noticed an increase in empathy and a less rigid mindset, which allowed her to be more open and curious in her interactions with others.

In the workplace, Hunter describes feeling like she was constantly on a knife's edge, torn between her fear of speaking to clients and the consequences of not doing so. However, as she worked through her social anxiety, she found herself feeling less exhausted and more capable of handling the challenges of her job.

Hunter continues by describing her struggles with social anxiety and the impact it had on her ability to communicate effectively. She recalls feeling exhausted and stressed, constantly battling with overthinking and self-doubt.

The conversation delves into Hunter's experiences with public speaking and the moments of anxiety she still encounters before speaking engagements. She candidly discusses her nervousness before big podcasts, talks, and keynotes, highlighting the different levels of confidence she feels when speaking to various audiences. She also reflects on peak moments of anxiety and stress, emphasizing the ongoing nature of her journey to overcome social anxiety.

The podcast episode also explores Hunter's decision to enroll in a speaking course after watching a video of Michael Inist engaging in speaking games. She shares how the course helped her to develop her speaking skills through engaging in fun and interactive speaking games. Hunter explains how the course provided a supportive environment for her to receive feedback and improve her confidence in speaking.

Throughout the episode, Hunter emphasizes the importance of mindset and strategy in building confidence. She shares her realization that confidence is a choice and that one can choose to be confident in any given moment. She also discusses the disconnect between internal feelings of nervousness and how others perceive one's confidence, highlighting the impact of mindset on communication.

Furthermore, Hunter reflects on her experiences with receiving feedback about her confidence and the impact it had on her self-perception. She acknowledges the unfairness of individuals being made to feel broken or inadequate due to feedback about their confidence levels. She emphasizes the need for a shift in mindset and the recognition that everyone has the potential to build confidence in speaking.

Hunter emphasizes the role of confidence and conviction in public speaking, noting that even faking confidence can make a speaker sound more knowledgeable and credible. She shares her experience of observing a friend who spoke with conviction and how it influenced her own speaking style. She also highlights the impact of conviction on the perception of intelligence, especially in professional settings.

The concept of the "one thing" is discussed as a key element in effective communication. Hunter explains that speakers should focus on one main message or takeaway that they want their audience to remember. This concept helps speakers to streamline their content and make their presentations more memorable.

The podcast also delves into the importance of silence in public speaking. Hunter explains that silence not only enhances the speaker's confidence but also allows them to gather their thoughts and redirect their message if needed. She encourages speakers to practice pausing for longer periods to become more comfortable with silence.

One takeaway from the podcast is the idea of tricking oneself into speaking up. Hunter shares a personal experience of raising her hand before knowing what she was going to say, forcing herself to speak in a public speaking class. This technique helped her overcome the fear of speaking and build confidence over time.

The conversation also delves into the concept of fun in public speaking. Hunter emphasizes the enjoyment and fulfillment that can come from speaking and connecting with others. She shares anecdotes about meeting interesting people and finding joy in unexpected moments, highlighting the positive aspects of improving speaking skills.

The podcast also features interactive speaking games, such as blindfolded slideshow and triple step survival mode. These games provide a fun and engaging way to practice speaking on the spot, emphasizing the importance of staying in the moment and completing sentences without overthinking.

Throughout the episode, Hunter stresses the idea that everyone struggles with self-esteem and confidence to some degree. She encourages listeners to focus on their strengths and seek feedback from friends and colleagues to build confidence in their speaking abilities.

The episode concludes with a call to action for listeners to take practical steps to improve their speaking skills. Hunter suggests joining a public speaking club or finding opportunities to speak in a comfortable environment. She also encourages listeners to challenge themselves and find joy in the process of improving their speaking skills.