Stop Spiraling: The 4-Step Check-In That Resets Your Mind | Gabby Bernstein

In this podcast episode, Gabrielle Bernstein shares her decades of experience in spiritual practice, therapy, and manifestation to guide listeners through overcoming fear, self-doubt, and subconscious blocks. The conversation explores how to break spiraling negative thoughts using a simple four-step check-in process, the importance of aligning goals with one's current capacity, and the role of self-compassion in personal growth. Gabrielle also discusses the powerful internal family systems (IFS) therapy model, setting healthy boundaries, the influence of energy contagion, and her approach to manifesting with faith and authenticity.

Putting Energy First

Gabrielle emphasizes the importance of putting your energy first instead of constantly striving and reaching for goals beyond your current alignment. Overreaching creates blocks and leads to frustration, like feeling trapped on a hamster wheel. Instead of pushing relentlessly, she encourages a practice of allowing—dropping the less essential hectic "Tupperware" plates and focusing on the precious "china" of your core priorities. Slowing down and investing in yourself is key to creating real success, as this shift realigns your frequency to attract opportunities naturally.

Breaking Spirals and Mind Loops

When faced with spiral-inducing moments — like doubt or anxiety during a difficult decision — Gabrielle recommends noticing and tending to the story trapped in your mind. She practices a visualization technique inspired by how she helps her son: placing troubling thoughts into a "ball" and sending it away, such as visualizing dissolving the ball in water or burning it in a fireplace. This act of consciously letting go creates space to reach for the "next best feeling thought," shifting attention to something comforting or uplifting. Writing down worries to empty the mind can also be effective. Gabrielle advocates time-binding your worries ("just for today") to emotionally detach, allowing the mind to rest and reducing overwhelm.

Confidence and Goal Setting

For those struggling with confidence in setting ambitious goals, Gabrielle advises adjusting goals to align with what feels achievable at the moment instead of forcing unreachable targets. The approach involves breaking down a large dream into smaller, confident steps that feel manageable, such as updating a resume today or connecting with a potential employer next month. Building momentum through these "mini wins" and consistently acting with grace and compassion helps gradually build self-trust and confidence without overwhelming the psyche. The practice affirms that it's not about giving up on dreams but reconfiguring goals to support one's current energetic and psychological capacity.

Manifesting the Right Way

Gabrielle demystifies the concept of manifestation, emphasizing that everyone is always manifesting, but not always what they want. Manifestation is less about wishful thinking and more about the energy and frequency you emit. Frantic or pushing energy attracts more frustration, while high-vibrational energy attracts positive experiences. She shares examples from her own life, like approaching stressful TV appearances with a joyful, loving mindset and spreading kindness to everyone she encounters, which in turn returns to uplift her. Manifesting correctly means embodying faith and being an expression of love — not pretending all is perfect but choosing consciously how to show up.

The Science of Energy Contagion

The podcast touches on scientific insights validating the idea that energy is contagious. Gabrielle discusses research showing how our microbiomes can transfer between people, underscoring how deeply interconnected we are beyond surface interactions. Quantum physics further supports that energetic frequencies can influence outcomes far beyond our immediate perception. These findings reinforce the principle that what you contribute energetically has a rippling effect not only on your life but on the collective environment around you.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy

IFS therapy plays a central role in Gabrielle's approach to healing. It involves recognizing and befriending the different "parts" or subpersonalities within us, especially those formed from early trauma—called "exiles." These wounded parts hold feelings like unworthiness and inadequacy and are often hidden away to protect the individual from pain. Alongside exiles are protective parts that develop survival mechanisms like control, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. Gabrielle explains how identifying these parts through curiosity and compassion leads to healing and integration rather than suppression or denial.

The Four-Step Check-In

To work with difficult parts and stop negative spirals, Gabrielle introduces a practical four-step check-in. First, choose to check in with the part instead of distracting or numbing out. Second, engage curiosity by asking where the part is felt in the body and what it needs. Third, offer compassion by meeting that part's needs, which might be rest, play, or relief from pressure. Fourth, check for "self energy," a calm, compassionate presence within yourself that can guide healing and clarity. This process helps interrupt reactive patterns, bringing awareness and kindness to inner conflicts.

Working on Relationships and Boundaries

Gabrielle stresses that healing and self-leadership begin within before influencing others. When you cultivate self-energy, you no longer get triggered by your partner's behavior, which changes the dynamic and invites them to grow or reveals when separation is necessary. She advises mastering self-help first rather than expecting partners to change. Healthy boundaries arise naturally from deep self-compassion and self-awareness; they are not about defensive posturing but about clearly communicating what energy and behavior you will no longer accept.

Managing Negative Self-Talk

In moments of negative self-talk or doubt, Gabrielle uses what she calls the "choose again" method, inspired partly by cognitive-behavioral therapy. It involves noticing a limiting thought, forgiving yourself for holding it, and then reaching for a more supportive or energizing thought. This is not about fake positivity but about leaning into what feels possible and true at the moment. Combining this with her four-step check-in supports a compassionate rewiring of mindset that empowers gradual confidence-building.

Navigating Hormonal and Emotional Challenges

Gabrielle also speaks candidly about hormonal shifts like perimenopause impacting emotional regulation and inner parts. She highlights the importance of awareness, medical support such as hormone replacement therapy, and compassion during these transitions. Recognizing how biology interacts with emotional patterns can prevent misunderstanding and support more effective self-care.

Authentic Therapy and Coaching

Gabrielle shares her experience with therapy, emphasizing the need to feel genuinely safe, seen, and connected with your therapist. She contrasts good therapeutic relationships grounded in compassion and self-energy with ones that feel unsafe or triggering. For those seeking therapists or coaches, she encourages self-ownership of the healing journey and warns against superficial "quick fixes" offered without personal work. She also encourages younger or emerging coaches to prioritize their own healing before guiding others.

Working with AI and Modern Tools

Discussing the rise of AI, Gabrielle shares how she has integrated an AI version of herself in her app, providing accessible guidance based on her 20 years of wisdom. While recognizing AI's limitations and the potential for overreliance, she embraces AI as a democratizing tool to make spiritual and self-help work more widely available. She acknowledges the blurred lines between real human connection and AI interaction, emphasizing responsibility and discernment in usage.

Channeling and Spiritual Connection

Gabrielle describes her abilities as a spiritual medium and channel, explaining that channeling is a form of accessing wisdom from higher realms or "guides." She differentiates her work from stereotypical psychic tropes, focusing instead on helping people connect to their highest purpose. In a new podcast series, she plans to explore conversations with other mediums, blending practical discussion with spiritual guidance, inviting listeners to expand their awareness of subtle energies.

Naming Intentions and Setting the Year's Energy

Gabrielle discusses her practice of naming the energy she wants to embody for the year, linking it to manifestation and flow. She contrasts earlier years characterized by pushing and hustle with more recent years focused on flow, receiving, and abundance. She encourages listeners to be mindful of their energetic state—balancing effort with receptivity—and observes that true growth is often supported by cultivating openness rather than force. This theme of receptivity echoes throughout her entire approach to success and wellbeing.