Chris Williamson’s Advice to Men: How to Survive a World of OnlyFans and AI Girlfriends

This sense of disorientation ties directly into the erosion of traditional male archetypes and well-trodden societal roles. Over the last half-century, structural changes have upended what it means to "be a man" and where young men fit. The traditional patterns and examples set by fathers and grandfathers are no longer as relevant or available, leaving many men struggling to balance ambition with self-acceptance. The tension between the "hustlebro" mentality—driven to conquer—and the need to appreciate the present moment without self-judgment runs deep among these men navigating new social realities.

Education, and Employment

Williamson critically reflects on his own academic journey, highlighting the disconnect between his degrees—a bachelor's in business and a master's in international marketing—and his real-world career as a nightclub promoter. While this unconventional path was fulfilling and taught him practical business skills, he candidly admits that university may not have been necessary for that job. However, he defends higher education as a crucial "Navy Seal hell week" for socialization, forcing young people into intense adulting within a compressed timeframe.

This broader societal shift reveals that men are increasingly falling behind in education. Women outperform men in academic settings due to various factors, including greater conscientiousness and willingness to conform to classroom demands. As educational achievement becomes more important for employment, the gap widens, with more women graduating and out-earning men in key age brackets. The "credentialized" economy values skills and behaviors in which women, on average, excel, placing many men at risk of feeling irrelevant or surplus in the socioeconomic order.

The Mating Market

A significant segment of the discussion tackles changes in the mating market, focusing on how shifting gender roles and expectations affect men's opportunities in relationships. Williamson describes how women's increasing educational attainment and earnings have altered traditional patterns of mate selection. Women tend to seek partners equal or superior to themselves in status, wealth, and height, yet these "high-performing" men are fewer, creating a mismatch that leaves many men unattached.

This dynamic fuels a cultural paradox of hypergamy and hypandry, with women becoming primary breadwinners in many households and men experiencing diminished roles as providers. The emotional and social impacts are enormous, leading to male invisibility and retreat. This imbalance also exacerbates tensions between the sexes, where men who feel rejected or undermined disengage from social and romantic spheres, further unsettling societal cohesion.

Male Sedation

Williamson introduces the "male sedation hypothesis" to explain why societies with large cohorts of displaced, unattached young men have not erupted into the expected waves of antisocial behavior. Historically, an abundance of single young men tends to correlate with increased violence and upheaval. Yet, despite high rates of "inceldom" and frustration, widespread radicals or revolutions have not materialized in Western societies.

He attributes this in part to the rise of screens, video games, and pornography, which provide a simulated sense of progress, conquest, and camaraderie. These virtual outlets offer just enough gratification and social interaction to diminish the drive for real-world risk-taking and status competition, effectively pacifying a potentially combustible population. While this sedation prevents chaos, it compromises the vital creative and social energies that men traditionally bring to community and civilization.

Fatherlessness

The conversation underscores fatherlessness as a critical yet often overlooked factor in male outcomes. Data reveals that boys raised without their biological fathers are significantly more likely to experience incarceration, depression, and failure to graduate compared to peers from intact families. Father absence represents the single most potent predictor of adverse trajectories, surpassing poverty or racial factors.

Drawing an analogy from wildlife management, Williamson highlights how the removal of "bull males" disrupts animal herds, leading juveniles to act out violently—a parallel to human fatherlessness causing social dysfunction. Father presence serves as a moderating force on youthful testosterone-driven risk-taking, social behavior, and emotional regulation. Without it, boys grow up fragile and directionless, contributing to broader social malaise.

Women's Intra-Gender Competition

Williamson explores the nature of female social behavior, particularly intra-gender competition, which he contrasts with men's more overt dominance contests. Women's social hierarchies revolve around subtle, often indirect signals—alliances, reputations, and perceptions shaped through gossip cloaked in concern. This "venting" and sharp social awareness are crucial for their reproductive and parenting coalitions, known as "allo-parenting," a rare but essential human evolutionary trait.

This intense, covert competition among women can be tough to navigate and has roots in the biological need for community support in child-rearing. The social pressures women put on each other—to appear successful, desirable, or liberated—often exceed what men impose. Understanding this dynamic clarifies much about female experiences in modern society, including the stress and dissatisfaction observed in some circles.

The Crisis of Masculinity

A sweeping critique addresses the cultural discourse surrounding masculinity, particularly the concept of "toxic masculinity." Williamson contends this notion has been overextended to pathologize natural male traits and behaviors, effectively alienating men from public and social life. He illustrates how everything from physical fitness to driving cars at times gets demonized under this label, creating a disempowering atmosphere for men.

The effect is men feeling demoralized and excluded, blamed for social problems they often do not control. Coupled with systemic policies that disadvantage men in education and employment, this cultural narrative fuels resentment and withdrawal. Men's suffering is dismissed as whining, contrasting starkly with the generous resources allocated to other social groups, contributing to a growing sense of injustice and invisibility.

Meaning, Connection, and Family

Central to Williamson's philosophy is the assertion that true fulfillment stems not from material success or social accolades but from meaningful relationships and family life. He laments the trade of "hidden metrics"—inner peace, deep relationships, emotional safety—for observable but hollow metrics like income or job titles. The pursuit of status, he suggests, often sacrifices genuine happiness.

He emphasizes that having children and nurturing family bonds provide transcendent meaning, far beyond any career achievement. This perspective views life's purpose in relational rather than material terms. For men, maturation involves shedding narcissistic self-focus and engaging deeply with others, an evolution most richly facilitated by committed partnerships and fatherhood.

AI Girlfriends

The discussion turns to emerging technology and its impact on male relationships, particularly the advent of AI girlfriends. Williamson warns of the potential for AI partners to deepen male sedation by offering companionship without the risks inherent in real-world intimacy. While these virtual relationships may provide some emotional resonance by "listening" to men, they lack validation, status, and the social complexity that real relationships demand.

Still, he acknowledges that virtual reality and AI could offer training grounds for men with social anxieties to practice interaction with women—though this "sandbox" may never fully replicate the stakes and dynamics of live encounters. The rise of AI intimacy, combined with existing digital distractions, raises profound questions about the future of human connection and the societal roles men will occupy.

Sexual Dynamics

Williamson explores the complex terrain of contemporary sexual relationships, including changes wrought by the MeToo movement and shifting gender expectations. While men have been cautioned against being "pushy," data reveals a paradox where most women still desire men to make the first move, but many men hesitate for fear of crossing lines. This liminal space breeds confusion and missed connections.

He also touches on female sexual fantasies and behaviors, noting that the popularity of themes like dominance and submission in women's erotica contradicts standard feminist narratives that sexual aggression is universally unwelcome. Rather, women's sexual preferences can be more varied and complex than stereotyped, revealing a dissonance between public discourse and private desires that complicates male-female interactions.

The Hard Lessons of Adult Life

Drawing from his own life experiences, Williamson stresses the importance of socialization in developing maturity, especially among young men. University culture, boarding schools, and other institutions serve not only educational but intense social training functions. Learning to navigate shared living, responsibility, friendship, and conflict forces young adults to "stop being about yourself" and embrace compromise and empathy—key markers of maturity.

He laments the rarity of this concentrated socialization today, as more people emerge into adult life unprepared for its relational demands. Maturity, he emphasizes, is not merely chronological but the gradual acceptance that personal desires must sometimes yield to the needs of others, a transition most powerfully enacted within marriage and family.