You've Been Lied To About Masculinity - Scott Galloway

In this podcast episode, Scott Galloway discusses the complex challenges facing young men today, exploring issues like economic disparity, mental health, social isolation, masculinity, and the pervasive influence of technology and social media. The conversation delves into shifting political identities, societal expectations, and the need for a "man code" as well as practical advice on how young men can navigate the modern world.

The Crisis Facing Young Men

Scott opens with stark data revealing a deepening crisis among young men in the United States. Men are disproportionately affected by suicide, incarceration, and social disengagement. There are more single women-owned homes than men's, and young men are falling behind economically and educationally. He points out how many men aged 18 to 24 have never asked a woman out in person, indicating an emerging population of asocial, asexual males. This crisis is compounded by economic policies that have transferred wealth from younger generations to older, advantaged groups—especially white, heterosexual males. The absence of male role models, particularly in single-parent households, is identified as a pivotal factor contributing to poor outcomes for boys.

Changing Political and Social Landscapes

Scott and the host discuss shifting political identities and ideologies. Scott rejects strict conservative or liberal labels, instead operating from a principled, independent perspective focused on preserving Western civilization and freedom of expression. He notes how political axes shift over time and geography, quoting historical figures and highlighting that what was once considered conservative or liberal has evolved—with environmentalism once championed by conservatives like Teddy Roosevelt or Nixon. They also touch on the polarization of politics and how it alienates younger generations.

The Role of Technology and Social Media

A major theme is the impact of technology giants whose algorithms drive engagement through polarization and outrage, disproportionately affecting young men with less mature brains. Scott discusses how tech companies have inadvertently fostered isolation by encouraging synthetic relationships and online substitutes for real-world connections. This isolation exacerbates problems like depression, social anxiety, and lack of skill development necessary for economic and romantic success. He criticizes how social media and pornography present easier alternatives to the challenging realities of friendship, work, and romantic pursuits, worsening societal and mental health issues.

The Impact of Single-Parent Households and Male Role Models

Scott highlights the correlation between losing male role models and negative outcomes for boys. While girls in single-parent homes often maintain comparable success to their peers, boys are more vulnerable—they are more likely to be incarcerated than to graduate from college if they lack a strong male influence. He attributes this partly to neurological differences, with boys displaying weaker emotional regulation and executive function, undermining their educational and social progress. Schools often unconsciously favor girls' behaviors, putting boys at a disadvantage in disciplinary contexts.

Understanding Masculinity and Its Misconceptions

Scott stresses that masculinity is often misunderstood and demonized. He rejects the term "toxic masculinity," arguing that while cruelty and abuse exist, genuine masculinity is about protection, provision, and procreation. He advocates embracing and celebrating masculine traits rather than suppressing them. He also encourages recognizing natural differences between genders without diminishing non-binary individuals, and acknowledges that masculinity and femininity can coexist in everyone. Embracing a balanced understanding of gender traits benefits society and individuals alike.

Social and Romantic Challenges

The conversation explores how courtship and romantic interest have been pathologized in recent cultural narratives, discouraging young men from expressing interest or engaging socially. Scott points out the paradox where many women complain about not being approached, while men hesitate because of fears around rejection or accusations stemming from heightened awareness of harassment post-MeToo. He emphasizes that romantic desire is natural and should be framed as a positive force, with young men encouraged to develop social skills and resilience through repeated exposure to rejection.

Societal Double Standards and Generational Empathy

Scott discusses how societal narratives often lack empathy for young men, holding them accountable for the unearned privileges enjoyed by previous generations. He calls this the "Red Army effect," referencing historical resentments where young people bear the burden of past injustices they did not cause. Without this empathy and with systemic biases in education, relationships, and the economy, young men feel alienated and unsupported.

The Importance of a "Man Code"

Scott outlines his concept of masculinity as a three-legged stool: provider, protector, and procreator. Economic viability is critical for self-esteem and social standing in a capitalist society, though "provider" can mean supporting a partner's economic role as well. Protection includes ensuring safety and well-being for loved ones and community, which Scott links to fulfillment. Procreation embodies embracing natural sexual and romantic desires while cultivating discipline, kindness, and courage. He believes these pillars can provide young men with essential guidance to navigate modern life.

Practical Advice for Young Men

Scott encourages young men to embrace risk, reject fear of rejection, and develop storytelling and social skills. He explains the value of repeated exposure to failure as a path to success in both business and relationships. Physical health, discipline, and economic responsibility form a foundation for confidence. He emphasizes kindness, respectful romantic pursuit, and awareness of social cues, highlighting that most women want men to initiate romantic interest but expect it to be done appropriately.

Impact of Synthetic Relationships and Parenting

The discussion touches on synthetic relationships, where young people rely on digital interactions that lack genuine reciprocal support. Scott believes this trend undermines traditional socialization and healthy development. The episode also addresses parenting challenges, noting that many parents have struggled to shield children adequately from screens and technologies. The consensus is that restrictions on technology use for minors, especially social media and unsupervised phone access, are necessary for healthier development.

The Role of Religion, Atheism, and Mortality

Scott reflects on how his atheism and awareness of mortality foster greater courage, kindness, and authenticity. Unlike religious people who find meaning through faith, his recognition of life's finitude pushes him to live fully and be more emotionally expressive. Both religious and secular frameworks can provide useful life guidance; Scott suggests young men might benefit from engagement with religious institutions or other communities that offer codes of conduct and social support.

The Influence and Responsibility of Big Tech Companies

Scott offers a critical view of the unchecked power of major technology companies. He advocates for regulatory reforms such as removing Section 230 protections for algorithmically promoted harmful content, stricter age gating on social media and pornography, and greater accountability for platforms that amplify divisive or dangerous material. He stresses that while these companies are powerful economic engines, their current incentive structures have led to significant harm among youth, particularly young men.

AI and the Future Economy

Toward the end, Scott briefly discusses how the global economy has become heavily concentrated in a few companies reliant on artificial intelligence. He raises concerns about China's growing AI capabilities and the potential economic and security implications for the West. This broader technological context serves as a backdrop to the societal shifts and pressures experienced by young men.

Navigating Life as a Young Man Today

The episode concludes with the host framing the core question: how to be a young man today amid these challenges. Scott's "man code," emphasis on embracing discomfort over comfort, and courage-building through action encapsulate his advice. He stresses the importance of persistence, resilience, and a mindset focused on relationships and purpose. The episode encourages young men to find meaning through providing, protecting, reproducing, and embracing life fully despite the imperfect and rapidly changing world around them.