Secret Service Agent: REMOVE PEOPLE From Your Life if They Have THESE RED FLAGS! Evy Poumpouras

Added: Jul 2, 2024

Three Skills Everyone Should Develop

Poumpouras shares three key skills she learned that she believes everyone should develop. The first is understanding that your circle of people matters immensely. She likens it to being a bouncer at a door, deciding who to let in, how long they stay, and who needs to be thrown out. She emphasizes the importance of being selective about who you allow into your life, as the Secret Service is extremely thorough in their hiring process. They investigate candidates extensively, even sending agents overseas to interview professors of those who studied abroad. This selectivity creates a caliber of people that influences your own behavior and mindset.

The second skill is being instrumental rather than identity-focused. Poumpouras explains that there are two motivational mindsets: identity and instrumental. An identity mindset is self-focused, emotional, and often unproductive. An instrumental mindset is mission-focused, goal-oriented, and more effective. In the Secret Service, they prioritized being instrumental, focusing on solutions and progress rather than dwelling on problems or personal feelings. This approach allows for better problem-solving and teamwork.

The third skill is humility. The Secret Service teaches agents to put other things ahead of themselves and understand that they're not special. This mindset contrasts with the common message in society that everyone is special, which can lead to a sense of entitlement or superiority.

Personality Types and Behavior

Poumpouras discusses four personality types based on animal archetypes: lion, T-Rex, mouse, and monkey. Lions like to be in control and set the agenda. T-Rexes are fighters, frank, and sometimes blunt. Mice can be submissive, patient, and humble, but may also suppress themselves. Monkeys are social, warm, and engaging. She emphasizes that people move between these types depending on the situation and that there are both good and bad versions of each type.

Rather than labeling people, Poumpouras advises labeling behaviors. This approach allows for clearer assessment of situations, especially when emotional ties might cloud judgment. She suggests paying attention to behavior signals as red flags and focusing on what you see in the moment rather than preconceived notions about a person.

Dealing with Trauma and Therapy

Poumpouras shares her experience as a survivor of the 9/11 attacks, having been at the World Trade Center during the event. She emphasizes the importance of not constantly reliving traumatic experiences, as it can hinder healing and progress. While acknowledging that healing from such events may not be fully possible, she advocates for accepting the experience as part of life and finding ways to appreciate life more because of it.

She cautions against constantly analyzing and dissecting traumatic events, as it can lead to dwelling on negativity. Instead, she suggests finding meaning in the experience and using it to live life more fully. Poumpouras found that volunteering at Ground Zero after 9/11 was more therapeutic for her than traditional group therapy sessions.

The Importance of Service and Perspective

Poumpouras highlights the therapeutic value of being in service to others, especially after experiencing trauma. She found that helping people who had lost more than she had during 9/11 provided a sense of purpose and perspective. This approach can help shift focus away from one's own problems and foster appreciation for what one has.

Understanding Human Nature and Harm

Drawing from her experience as a criminal investigator, Poumpouras emphasizes the importance of understanding that some people will cause harm. She argues that it's naive to think otherwise and that being aware of this reality allows for better navigation through life. She notes that most people who cause harm don't believe they're doing anything wrong and will often justify their actions to themselves.

Poumpouras shares examples from her work, including a case of bank fraud where an employee justified stealing money by reasoning that if it was important, the bank would have locked it up. She emphasizes that people can sell anything to themselves to justify their actions, even when causing harm to others.

Parenting and Building Resilience

As a new mother, Poumpouras discusses her approach to parenting, which focuses on building resilience and independence in her child. She allows her daughter to struggle and work through challenges on her own, intervening only when necessary. This approach aims to teach problem-solving skills and emotional processing from an early age.

She also emphasizes the importance of exposing children to failure and teaching them how to fail well. She disagrees with the practice of giving trophies to everyone, as it doesn't teach children how to cope with disappointment or motivate them to improve.

Social Media and Empathy

Poumpouras observes a decline in empathy and connection, particularly among younger generations, which she attributes partly to social media use. As an adjunct professor, she notices students' reluctance to engage with each other during breaks, instead turning to their phones. This lack of connection can lead to decreased empathy and an increased likelihood of causing harm to others.

She also notes the negative impact of constantly consuming negative news and media, suggesting that it can be unhealthy for mental well-being. She recommends being mindful of what one feeds their mind and seeking balance in media consumption.

Approach to Therapy and Personal Growth

Poumpouras advocates for a forward-looking approach to therapy and personal growth. Rather than constantly revisiting past traumas, she suggests focusing on preparing for future challenges and learning from others' experiences. This approach aligns with her instrumental mindset, emphasizing progress and solutions rather than dwelling on problems.

She also highlights the importance of finding meaning in experiences, even traumatic ones, without necessarily understanding why they happened. Poumpouras argues that constantly seeking reasons for tragic events can keep one stuck in the past and prevent moving forward.

Recognizing Red Flags and Making Better Choices

Poumpouras emphasizes the importance of recognizing behavioral red flags in others. She advises paying attention to patterns of behavior rather than isolated incidents. By focusing on behavior rather than the person, it becomes easier to make rational assessments and better choices, especially in relationships or work environments.

She also discusses the challenges of recognizing these red flags in people we have emotional ties to, as our feelings can cloud our judgment. She suggests trying to view situations objectively, as if giving advice to someone else about a person you don't know.

The Impact of 9/11 and Personal Growth

Poumpouras shares her personal experience of surviving the 9/11 attacks and how it shaped her perspective on life. She describes the moment she thought she was going to die and how it made her realize she hadn't fully lived her life. This experience taught her to appreciate life more fully and put daily frustrations into perspective.

She emphasizes that while she can't fully heal from the trauma of 9/11, she has learned to accept it as part of her experience and use it to live a more meaningful life. She suggests that this approach of finding meaning in difficult experiences can be applied to various forms of trauma or tragedy that people face.

The Complexity of Human Behavior

Throughout the conversation, Poumpouras highlights the complexity of human behavior and the importance of understanding it. She draws on her experiences in law enforcement and psychology to provide insights into why people act the way they do, including those who commit crimes or cause harm to others.

She emphasizes that understanding human nature, including its darker aspects, is crucial for navigating life effectively. This understanding allows for better decision-making, improved relationships, and a more realistic view of the world.

Conclusion

Evy Poumpouras's insights from her career in the Secret Service and her personal experiences offer valuable lessons for personal growth, understanding human behavior, and navigating life's challenges. Her emphasis on being selective about one's social circle, maintaining an instrumental mindset, and cultivating humility provides a framework for personal and professional success. Her approach to dealing with trauma and fostering resilience offers a path forward for those who have experienced difficult events. By focusing on behavior rather than labels, and understanding the complexities of human nature, Poumpouras suggests we can make better choices and lead more fulfilling lives.