Master Change: Evidence-Based Tools To EXCEL Through Transitions | Rich Roll Podcast

Added: Aug 30, 2023

Stulberg explains that in order to navigate change effectively, individuals need to define themselves and their pursuits in terms of ways of being rather than material possessions or external achievements. By focusing on their core values and principles, individuals become less fragile to change and can better navigate the ups and downs of life.

The conversation delves into the idea of having a diverse sense of self, which involves embracing different aspects of one's identity and pursuing multiple interests and passions. Stulberg uses the metaphor of a house with different rooms to illustrate this concept. He suggests that individuals should have various rooms in their identity, such as parent, partner, athlete, employee, etc., and should be able to move between these rooms as needed. This diversification of identity allows individuals to have a sense of stability and agency even when one aspect of their life undergoes significant change.

Evidence-Based Tools for Personal Growth: The Inescapability Trigger

Stulberg introduces the concept of the inescapability trigger, which is an event or change that forces individuals to confront the need for change in their lives. He explains that instead of resisting or avoiding change, individuals should accept the inescapability of the situation and use it as an opportunity for growth and transformation. Stulberg provides examples such as someone in a job they dislike or someone struggling with addiction, where reaching a point of acceptance and embracing change becomes a catalyst for personal growth.

The conversation also touches on the importance of self-complexity, which refers to the diversity and flexibility of one's identity. Stulberg explains that individuals with higher levels of self-complexity tend to be more resilient to change. By having multiple aspects to their identity, individuals are better equipped to navigate transitions and adapt to new circumstances.

Resilience Through Transitions: Terry Crews and Nils Vanderpool

Stulberg highlights the stories of Terry Crews and Nils Vanderpool as examples of individuals who have successfully navigated transitions and embraced change. Terry Crews, known for his career as a football player and actor, had parallel paths in art and sports throughout his life. He maintained his artistic pursuits alongside his football career and eventually transitioned into acting. Stulberg emphasizes the importance of holding onto different aspects of one's identity, as it provides resilience and a sense of self even in the face of significant change.

Nils Vanderpool, a speed skater and Olympic gold medalist, is another example of someone who diversified his sense of self. Vanderpool intentionally created space for other interests and activities outside of speed skating, which allowed him to skate without fear and ultimately led to his success. Stulberg argues that having a diverse sense of self not only provides stability but also enhances one's primary pursuits, as it allows for a more holistic and balanced approach to life.

Evolution and Resilience

The discussion continues on the subject of evolution and resilience in the face of unforeseen circumstances. Stulberg explains that in order for a species to survive for a long time, it needs to have core elements or components that make it what it is. These core elements provide stability and ruggedness. However, the species also needs to adapt and evolve in order to be flexible and resilient in the face of environmental changes.

Stulberg draws parallels between the principles of evolution and personal growth as individuals. He emphasizes the importance of having core values that define who we are, while also being open to change and adaptation. He explains that having a balance between stability and flexibility is crucial for long-term survival and growth.

Having vs. Being

Stulberg introduces the concept of "having vs. being" as described by Erich Fromm in his book "To Have or to Be." Having refers to owning something and having a relationship with it, while being is a verb that signifies being in conversation with something and having an essential relationship to it. Stulberg explains that when we have something, we are more likely to suffer because things inevitably change. On the other hand, when we are in a being relationship with something, we are more accepting of change and can adapt more easily.

Stulberg extends this concept beyond material possessions to include skills and attributes. He suggests that having a skill implies rigidity, as skills can change over time. However, being an athlete, for example, allows for a broader definition and integration of different aspects of being an athlete, such as mindset and attitude. Stulberg emphasizes the importance of being in relation with things and activities rather than simply possessing them.

Values and Authenticity

Stulberg shares a personal anecdote about his struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and depression while being seen as an expert in peak performance. He explains that during this challenging time, he had to confront a cognitive dissonance between his public image and his internal struggles. In order to align his actions with his values, he chose to write authentically about his experiences, even though it was scary and vulnerable.

Stulberg emphasizes the importance of authenticity and values in personal growth. He suggests that identifying values and looking up to people who embody those values can provide guidance and a sense of identity. He encourages individuals to act on their values, even if it is uncomfortable or challenging, as it can lead to personal growth and fulfillment.

Expectations and the Neuroscience of Prediction

Stulberg discusses the neuroscience of expectation and how our brains are prediction machines. He explains that our brains constantly forecast what will happen next and shape our reality based on those predictions. When our expectations are not met or the world changes around us, it can be disorienting and lead to cortisol release, causing stress and anxiety.

Stulberg provides an example from pain science to illustrate the impact of expectations on our experiences. He explains that a soldier who expects to be shot in a war zone will experience less pain and have a different hormonal reaction compared to someone who is unexpectedly shot in a grocery store. This demonstrates how our expectations can influence our perception of pain and our biological responses.

The Seeking Pathway vs. the Rage Pathway

Stulberg introduces the concept of the seeking pathway and the rage pathway in the brain. The rage pathway is activated when our expectations are not met, leading to anger, panic, and a fight-or-flight response. On the other hand, the seeking pathway is activated when we take action to improve the situation and work towards a solution.

Stulberg explains that the seeking pathway and the rage pathway cannot be activated simultaneously. By consciously choosing to activate the seeking pathway, we can diminish the rage pathway and make productive steps towards dealing with challenging situations. This requires self-awareness, self-efficacy, and the practice of responding rather than reacting.

Target Fixation and Crashing into What We Focus On

Stulberg introduces the concept of target fixation, explaining how when we become overly focused on a particular goal or outcome, we may end up crashing into it. He uses the example of Uber drivers who, while trying to avoid hitting an object, often end up colliding with it. Stulberg extends this phenomenon to life in general, emphasizing how we can become so fixated on certain goals or fears that we lose sight of everything else happening around us. This can lead to missing out on alternative paths or even crashing into our own demise.

Adaptability and Learning How to Respond versus React

Stulberg highlights the importance of adaptability in navigating change. He discusses the concept of learning how to respond rather than react to challenging situations. He draws parallels between this idea and stoicism, particularly the stoic principle of focusing on what we can control rather than worrying about what we cannot. However, Stulberg also notes that while stoicism provides valuable insights, it may lack the emphasis on holding onto two competing ideas simultaneously, which is crucial for navigating change effectively.

The Non-Dual Nature of Navigating Change

Stulberg explores the non-dual nature of navigating change, emphasizing the need to hold onto two competing ideas simultaneously. He explains that while stoicism and other philosophical traditions provide guidance on accepting change and focusing on what we can control, they often lack the flexibility to embrace the complexity of life. Stulberg suggests that the ability to hold multiple perspectives and adapt to changing circumstances is essential for growth and well-being.

Extracting Meaning from Disorder

Stulberg discusses the importance of extracting meaning from disorder and difficult experiences. He shares his personal experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and how he initially sought growth and meaning from it. However, he also acknowledges that there are times when it is necessary to focus on getting through difficult periods without trying to find immediate meaning or growth. Stulberg emphasizes the need to be patient with oneself and allow meaning to reveal itself over time.

The Role of Spirituality and Faith in Embracing Change

Stulberg explores the intersection of spirituality and embracing change. He suggests that spirituality can be found in the acceptance of our interconnectedness with the world and the recognition that our actions have ripple effects. Stulberg also acknowledges the limitations of science and psychology in providing satisfying answers to questions of spirituality and meaning. He encourages open-mindedness and curiosity in exploring these topics.

Shifting from Homeostatic to Allostatic Approach

Stulberg suggests shifting from a homeostatic approach to change to an allostatic approach. He explains that there is no going back to order, and instead, we should embrace the constant process of reordering ourselves. By adopting a rugged and flexible mindset, we can navigate change without sacrificing agency or resisting it.

He highlights the importance of having the right expectations and updating them accordingly. Our brains are prediction machines, and when reality doesn't align with our predictions, we can feel disoriented. Stulberg recommends using the four P's - pause, process, plan, and proceed - to create space for updating our expectations and aligning them with reality.

Embracing Multiple Rooms

Stulberg encourages conceiving of our identity as having multiple rooms. He suggests spending time in different rooms of our identity, pursuing mastery in one area while not neglecting the others. By doing so, we avoid becoming fragile when one room of our identity undergoes change. He also emphasizes that our identity can encompass both our immediate self and a more spiritual self that is connected to everything.

Activating the Seeking Pathway

To develop rugged flexibility, Stulberg advises activating our seeking pathway rather than our rage pathway. When faced with change, he suggests taking skillful and productive actions that align with our core values. By approaching change with curiosity and a growth mindset, we can navigate it more effectively.

Recognizing the Need for Support

Stulberg emphasizes the importance of seeking help when faced with challenging situations. He encourages individuals to reach out for assistance when they are unable to find meaning or gratitude in their experiences. Seeking help is a sign of recognizing the need for support and can provide valuable guidance during difficult times.

Releasing from the Idea of Needing to Do Anything Other than Survive

In situations where everything seems to be going wrong, Stulberg advises releasing the idea that we need to do anything other than survive. While it is essential to maintain hope and strive for growth, there are times when the focus should be on getting through the experience rather than finding immediate meaning. By accepting that some pain may be senseless, we can focus on surviving and eventually finding growth on the other side.