Mel Robbins on Finding Happiness: Letting Go of Excuses and Embracing Contentment
Added: Jan 15, 2024
In this podcast, Mel Robbins discusses the topic of happiness and shares her personal journey towards becoming a happier person. She begins by acknowledging that the single biggest barrier to her happiness was herself. She emphasizes that many people are actively blocking their own happiness without even realizing it. She challenges the common belief that external factors such as weight loss, finding love, or paying off debt will lead to happiness, and instead, she focuses on the importance of internal contentment and presence.Key takeaways
True happiness is an inside job, requiring internal contentment and presence.
Picking up a sword, or approaching life with a defensive mindset, blocks happiness and creates unnecessary tension.
Focusing on what's wrong rather than what's working prevents individuals from allowing happiness to flow in.
Identifying sources of friction in one's life and taking action to make positive changes is essential for allowing happiness to thrive.
By letting go of excuses, dropping the defensive mindset, and focusing on what's working, individuals can create a more open and positive space for happiness.
Happiness as an Inside Job
Robbins defines happiness as a feeling of being content, present, and okay with oneself and one's life. She shares her realization that she was constantly in a state of agitation and frustration, even though she appeared positive and happy on the outside. She describes her internal experience as a "hurricane of chaos" and compares the stillness in the eye of a storm to the ability to access a positive and supportive baseline within oneself. She acknowledges that she was constantly seeking external sources of happiness, such as financial stability, but realized that true happiness is an inside job.
Campaign of Misery
Robbins reflects on her personal journey and the realization that she was actively fighting against her own happiness. She describes her daily existence as a relentless grind, filled with frustration and disappointment. She admits to using external sources, such as alcohol and weekend escapes, to temporarily alleviate her internal turmoil. She acknowledges that she was constantly seeking external validation and solutions to her unhappiness, but ultimately discovered that the root of her discontent was within herself.
Blocking Happiness
Robbins identifies three significant ways in which she was actively blocking her own happiness. The first way was being trapped in her own mind, preventing her from being present in her life. She shares an example of a recent family vacation where she struggled to be fully present and engaged with her loved ones, highlighting the ongoing challenge of being trapped in her own thoughts.
The second way Robbins was blocking her happiness was by engaging in a personal campaign of misery. She acknowledges that she was fighting to stay miserable and describes the difficulty of allowing happiness to flow into her life. She emphasizes the importance of ending this personal campaign of misery and learning to let happiness in.
The third way Robbins was blocking her happiness was by having a closed-off mindset, akin to a massive steel door on a bank vault. She contrasts this with the idea of swinging galley doors, symbolizing the need for openness and the ability to let happiness flow in and out. She reflects on her experiences growing up and how they may have influenced her ability to allow happiness into her life.
The Journey to Happiness
Robbins shares her ongoing journey towards becoming a happier person and emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and confronting one's own behavior. She encourages listeners to take on a project to become happier and to stop fighting against their own happiness. She acknowledges that allowing happiness in can be challenging, but it is essential for personal growth and fulfillment.
Blocking Happiness by Picking Up a Sword
Robbins introduces the concept of "picking up a sword," which refers to the tendency to approach life with a defensive and combative mindset. She explains that this mindset leads to constantly bracing for a fight and feeling hypervigilant, which ultimately blocks happiness. Robbins shares her own experience of realizing that she was always on edge and ready for a battle, even in situations where it was unnecessary. She encourages listeners to drop the metaphorical sword and adopt a more peaceful and open approach to life.
Blocking Happiness by Focusing on What's Wrong
Robbins discusses the tendency to focus on what's wrong rather than what's working in life. She explains that this negative mindset prevents individuals from allowing the good to flow in and creates a cycle of frustration and discontent. She encourages listeners to shift their focus towards what's working and to acknowledge and appreciate the positive aspects of their lives. She emphasizes the importance of being open to receiving compliments, accepting help from others, and expressing love and gratitude in order to let happiness in.
Removing Friction
Robbins introduces an exercise where listeners are encouraged to list out all the things that cause friction in their lives and examine why these areas create a sense of unease or frustration. By identifying these sources of friction, individuals can begin to take steps towards making positive changes and allowing happiness to flow in.
The Importance of Taking Action
Throughout the podcast, Robbins emphasizes the importance of taking action to change one's mindset and actively work towards allowing happiness into their lives. She encourages listeners to recognize their own participation in their unhappiness and to make a conscious choice to change their mindset and approach to life. By letting go of excuses, dropping the defensive mindset, and focusing on what's working, individuals can create a more open and positive space for happiness to thrive.
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