If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed, You Need to Hear This

Stress Versus Overwhelm

Mel begins by sharing her personal realization after extensive research and conversations with her two expert friends: stress and overwhelm are not interchangeable terms. Stress is simply the pressure one feels in response to demands — a force that can sometimes serve as motivation or "good" stress. Examples include deadlines, busy days, or juggling multiple tasks that push you forward. It is the everyday "go, go, go" energy that encourages productivity and achievement.

In stark contrast, overwhelm is described as something far heavier and more debilitating. It's not merely having too much to do, but rather reaching a capacity limit where your brain and body feel flooded and shut down. Overwhelm frequently arises when much of what you face is outside your control, and the pressure doesn't ease but instead accumulates relentlessly over days, weeks, or even years. When overwhelmed, prioritization and clear thinking become impossible — you are no longer powering through but have hit a wall.

Dr. K echoes this distinction in his explanation, emphasizing that overwhelm is not about weakness or failure but about carrying too many uncontrollable challenges. He poignantly explains that overwhelm happens less because there are "too many things" and more because the ratio of passive challenges (those you do not choose, like illness or financial burdens) to active challenges (those you choose, like goals or hobbies) becomes skewed heavily toward passive stressors. This imbalance leads to a loss of control and a dampening of the things you actually want to do.

The Biological and Scientific Perspective

Dr. Aditi deepens the understanding by introducing the concept of healthy versus unhealthy stress. Healthy stress, also known as adaptive stress, propels life forward. It provides momentum in positive life events, such as promotions, jogging toward a goal, or planning a vacation. The brain, designed to handle such short, manageable bursts of stress, uses the prefrontal cortex to organize, plan, and strategize in these moments.

However, when stress becomes chronic and overwhelming, maladaptive stress sets in. This activates the amygdala—an almond-shaped part of the brain involved entirely in survival mode—and suppresses the prefrontal cortex. The result is psychological flooding: a biological response characterized by anxiety, impaired cognitive function, and emotional dysregulation. This state explains why people feeling overwhelmed experience numbness, forgetfulness, or emotional shutdown, not as a personal failing but as a natural biological reaction.

Mel highlights this critical insight: these feelings are not signs of laziness or inadequacy but signals of a brain and body pushed beyond capacity. The recognition that overwhelm is a biological, not a moral or character flaw, offers profound relief and reframes the path toward healing.

The Four Steps to Move Through Overwhelm

Mel and her experts offer an accessible, research-backed four-step process to respond effectively when life feels like too much. The first step is to label what you're experiencing accurately. Distinguishing whether you're facing pressure (stress) or true overwhelm changes how you respond. Naming the feeling anchors your awareness and sets the stage for the next steps.

The second step involves a simple but powerful biological reset: breathing. Thanks to Dr. Russell Kennedy, Mel explains a particular breathing technique known as cyclic or physiological sigh breathing, which involves taking two inhales through the nose followed by a long exhale through the mouth — a move she memorably sums up as "double in, then flush." This breath practice toggles the nervous system from the fight-or-flight sympathetic mode—dominated by the amygdala—to the calming parasympathetic "rest and digest" state. Because breath is unique in being both voluntary and involuntary, it provides an immediate handle on the stress response, restoring balance within minutes.

After resetting the body, the third step is a mental reset: a brain dump. Mel invites listeners to take ten uninterrupted minutes to unload everything weighing on their minds—every to-do, worry, unfinished task, emotional strain—onto paper or a digital document. This act of cognitive offloading eases mental strain by clearing the mind's "open loops," enabling better functioning and even improving sleep quality, as supported by Baylor University research. Far from being a trivial exercise, the brain dump formalizes the chaos in your mind, grants clarity about what you're carrying, and provides a tangible resource to prioritize or delegate.

The fourth and final step addresses the critical imbalance Dr. K describes between passive and active challenges. Overwhelm grows when your life becomes dominated by issues you did not choose. The solution isn't necessarily to make those stressors disappear but to reclaim control by deliberately choosing and adding in at least one active challenge you care about. This might sound counterintuitive, especially when you're drained, but embracing one manageable goal—whether it's committing to a daily walk, working on a hobby, or setting a boundary—creates a sense of ownership and meaning that counteracts feelings of helplessness. This step reestablishes balance, signaling your brain that you still have agency, which can help you better tolerate unavoidable challenges.