How to Design Your Life (A Full Step-by-Step Process)

What It Means to Design Your Life

Millman frames designing your life as an act of intention—about making deliberate decisions concerning how you want your life to look, feel, and embody over time. Design, at its core, involves conscious choices in any facet of existence, whether that's a product, artwork, or one's personal lifestyle. This process of life design enables individuals to wake up those dreams and hopes that fear or hesitation may have suppressed. Millman emphasizes that it's not about calculating probabilities or adhering to practical constraints but about exploring the realm of possibility and creatively manifesting what you envision.

Robbins and Millman also tackle a common misconception: the notion that confidence is a necessary prerequisite for success and change. Both acknowledge how people often determine impossibility without even trying, defaulting to fear of failure and rejection. Millman encourages embracing the uncertainty of outcomes since the choice is always between trying and potentially failing or never trying and carrying lifelong regret. Designing your life, therefore, is an exercise in possibility rather than probability.

The Origin and Power of the Exercise

The life-design exercise Millman teaches originates from a class she took in 2005 with Milton Glaser, the legendary graphic designer behind iconic imagery like the "I ❤ NY" logo. Glaser's exercise called for an earnest, detailed essay imagining one's life five years in the future—waking up, experiencing daily moments, surroundings, relationships, work, health, and fulfillment as if everything desired was realized. Although Glaser stopped teaching, Millman adopted and expanded the exercise for her students, shifting the timeframe from five to ten years to allow a broader and less pressurized vision of the future.

The remarkable aspect of this exercise, Millman shares, is how many former students credited it with life-changing impact, reporting how what they imagined manifested over time—even when forgotten. The act of writing and especially declaring these hopes aloud to others became a powerful integration of intention, reinforcing belief and fostering accountability.

Starting the Design Process

Millman stresses the most important first step is simply to start. She encourages listeners to find a peaceful, safe space for reflection, whether writing on paper, digitally, or in a journal, wherever feels most comfortable. The exercise begins by "time traveling" ten years into the future and opening your eyes to a day unfolding exactly as you wish it to, free of fear or restrictions. The process invites you to envision everything from where you live, what your home looks like, who you're with, how you take care of your physical and spiritual well-being, to your professional endeavors and relationship with money.

This visualization isn't about practicality or how things will happen; it's about letting imagination run free, embracing grand possibilities without immediately dismissing what seems unrealistic. Millman explains many people struggle because they prematurely impose limits of process and realism, cutting themselves off from the very possibilities that could inspire change.

Breaking Through Fear and Self-Doubt

A pervasive theme throughout the conversation is how fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, and self-imposed limitations inhibit people from wanting or pursuing what they truly desire. Students as young as 21 often tell Millman they believe things are impossible for their lives simply because they don't feel entitled or capable. This fear leads to avoidance and regret, but Millman insists that when you confront these fears by asking yourself what you would do if you knew you couldn't fail, you open new doors. Even if you do eventually "fail," the experience brings invaluable growth, and choosing not to try guarantees long-term suffering through unvoiced regret.

Millman also urges listeners to recognize the importance of owning space—physically and figuratively—without shrinking to make others comfortable. This ties to the exercise questions about how you take care of yourself, what mastery looks like in your life, and how your happiness is defined.

The Role of Mastery and Continuous Creation

Millman addresses the misconception that mastery or success is immediate or requires unwavering focus on one path. Through her own life experience juggling multiple creative pursuits, she highlights that mastery often takes decades and that exploring various interests enriches creativity and satisfaction. She encourages embracing this long-term process of learning and making, rather than expecting instant expertise. For those uncertain of what they want, the exercise becomes a way to experiment with several interests, knowing it may take time to find your direction.

Daily deliberate actions and ongoing creation—"making it until you make it"—replace the notion of "faking it till you make it." In this process, authenticity and intentionality matter more than appearances, and every small step builds toward the vision you have set.

The Importance of Sharing and Community

Millman describes the powerful experience of students reading their essays aloud in class, which creates an atmosphere of mutual encouragement and expanded possibility. Hearing others declare their dreams allows individuals to feel permission to expect more for themselves. This communal sharing flips the usual social media pressure to compare into a generous space for hope and aspiration. After the initial declaration, students are encouraged to revisit and expand their vision, evolving it over time.

Millman offers her own "Remarkable Life Deck," a tool filled with question prompts to facilitate this process, available as a free downloadable companion exercise through Mel Robbins' website. Whether someone prefers structured questions or more abstract prompts, the exercise adapts and encourages engagement with possibility.

Real-World Constraints and Privilege

A thoughtful part of the conversation explores the notion of privilege and practical constraints. Millman acknowledges that imagining freedom can feel like a luxury for some but reframes the exercise as granting permission—a mental freedom that can energize people regardless of current circumstances. Hope and envisioning a brighter future provide resilience to endure present challenges. Millman also expressed an intention to adapt this process to help incarcerated individuals, highlighting how imagining possibility transcends many boundaries.

Regarding societal expectations, family pressures, and cultural norms, Millman shares how students grapple with loyalty and personal truth, finding balance through the exercise. Designing a life is about defining what you want, not conforming to external expectations or social comparison.

Embracing Imagination Over Realism

Millman insists that realism, probability, and the "how" of achieving dreams must be set aside during the visualization phase. The exercise is not about logistics but about bringing your subconscious hopes into conscious focus, which can then guide future decisions in ways aligned with your vision. Dreams don't have to be extravagant but should be honest reflections of what brings contentment, purpose, and meaning.

She also underscores the difference between waiting for opportunities to come versus proactively creating opportunities. Designing your life activates agency and self-determination rather than passivity.

Defining Happiness and Contentment

A profound insight Millman offers concerns how happiness is often misunderstood. Through her own experience and referencing Seth Godin, she articulates happiness as contentment—being present and satisfied with what you have and who you are in the moment. Making, creating, and meaningful relationships are core sources of this happiness. Designing the life you want ultimately fuels lasting contentment rather than chasing fleeting achievements.

The Transformative Impact and Encouragement to Begin Today

Many former students have reached out years later to share how writing their life-design essays set in motion real change, whether by manifesting desires or clarifying what to avoid. Millman emphasizes that once the vision is created, you "put it away" and revisit it infrequently, avoiding fixation on immediate results or public declarations. The process nurtures a quiet, private manifestation of your dreams.

In closing, Millman asks the simple yet profound question, "If not now, when?" encouraging listeners to dive into the work of imagining and intentionally designing their lives without delay.