Change Your Life This Year: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

In this podcast episode, Dr. Katy Milkman, an award-winning behavioral scientist and professor at the Wharton School of Business, unpacks the science behind behavioral change and offers evidence-based tools to overcome common internal barriers. She explains why most people fail to change despite strong desires to improve their lives, and stresses that changing is a skill requiring strategy rather than just willpower. The conversation reveals the seven hidden barriers that often hold people back from reaching their goals and explores practical ways to address each one. Throughout, Dr. Milkman emphasizes the importance of making change enjoyable, social, and strategically designed to increase success.

The Biggest Myth About Change

Dr. Milkman opens by debunking the widespread belief that change is solely about pushing harder or relying on willpower. She explains that this mindset leads many to blame themselves for failure, assuming a personal deficiency if they can't just "grit" through difficulties. Instead, she argues that failure typically results from lacking the right strategies and support systems. Change isn't about brute force; it's about engineering environments and habits that make challenging behaviors easier and more appealing to sustain in the long run.

Change as a Learnable Skill

A key insight from Dr. Milkman's research is that change is a skill, similar to mastering tools like Excel or riding a bike. Once learned, this skill not only fosters personal growth but also allows individuals to support others in their own journeys. She encourages listeners to approach behavioral change systematically, grounding their efforts in research-backed strategies that work across demographics and goals. The skill of change can be honed and applied universally, enhancing progress whether one wants to improve health, finances, relationships, or career outcomes.

The Seven Barriers to Change

Dr. Milkman highlights seven common internal barriers that obstruct progress: the difficulty of getting started, impulsivity, procrastination, forgetfulness, laziness (reflecting preference for the path of least resistance), lack of confidence, and conformity to social norms. She explains that identifying which barrier or combination thereof is most relevant to an individual's situation is crucial for selecting effective interventions. These barriers are universal and affect everyone regardless of age, gender, or culture, further underscoring the importance of tailored strategies over one-size-fits-all solutions.

Overcoming the Barrier to Getting Started: The Fresh Start Effect

The first hurdle is simply taking that initial step. Dr. Milkman introduces the "fresh start effect," a psychological phenomenon where certain temporal landmarks—like New Year's Day, birthdays, Mondays, or even the start of a new month—create mental breaks that encourage people to redefine their identities and goals. These "chapter breaks" in life separate past failures from opportunities for new beginnings, making people more motivated to initiate change. She stresses that fresh starts provide motivation to begin but don't guarantee persistence. To capitalize on fresh starts, one should plan ahead and peg commitments to meaningful temporal landmarks to get started with momentum.

Managing Impulsivity Through Instant Gratification

Impulsivity, or the desire for immediate rewards over long-term benefits, often undermines sustained behavior change. Dr. Milkman discusses how making the target behavior instantly gratifying can counteract this natural tendency. For example, choosing an enjoyable exercise class rather than the most efficient but torturous workout leads to longer-term adherence. She calls this the "Mary Poppins effect," where a "spoonful of sugar" helps the medicine go down. Temptation bundling—a strategy she developed—involves pairing a pleasurable activity (like listening to a favorite audiobook) with a less appealing but necessary one (like exercising), which improves motivation and habit formation significantly.

Tackling Procrastination with Carrots and Sticks

Procrastination extends from impulsivity and involves delaying necessary tasks in favor of immediate comfort. Dr. Milkman explains that procrastination can be addressed by either increasing the immediate rewards of the task (carrots) or by imposing penalties for failure to act (sticks). Examples of sticks include deadlines enforced by bosses or financial penalties that one commits to losing if they fail to meet goals. Self-imposed consequences, such as putting money at risk or entrusting accountability to a trusted referee, have been shown to enhance follow-through dramatically. Additionally, making undesired behaviors more inconvenient (like removing junk food from easy reach) leverages laziness to the changer's advantage.

Combating Forgetfulness with Q-Based Planning and Reminders

Forgetfulness often sabotages change even when motivation is present. Dr. Milkman describes the "empathy gap," where people overestimate their ability to remember intentions after the moment passes. To solve this, she recommends concrete, detailed plans that specify the exact when, where, and how of performing a behavior—so-called Q-based plans where "Q" stands for cues that trigger action. These plans create accountability and reduce reliance on faulty memory. Supplementing plans with reminders, calendars, or emails to one's future self further anchors the behavior. Social accountability can also reinforce remembering and adherence.

Leveraging Habit Formation to Overcome Laziness

Laziness, interpreted as a natural preference for the path of least resistance, can be harnessed by making good behaviors automatic. Dr. Milkman emphasizes the power of habit loops—contextual cues followed by behaviors that provide consistent rewards until the action becomes effortless and unconscious. She cites research showing habits form over weeks to months depending on complexity and stresses patience in habit-building. Adjusting environments so that positive defaults become easier and friction is added to negative behaviors (e.g., automatic savings transfers or healthy food availability) aligns with laziness and reduces reliance on willpower.

Building Confidence Through Mindset and Coaching Others

Low confidence acts as a major barrier, often fueled by societal narratives that certain goals aren't "for you." Dr. Milkman encourages adopting a growth mindset, viewing setbacks as learning opportunities rather than fixed flaws. Intriguingly, she discusses research revealing that engaging in coaching or mentoring others—even just offering advice remotely—can boost one's own confidence and motivation. This "saying is believing" effect forces introspection and accountability, shifting self-perception toward possibility and competence. Finding supportive social circles and coaches who instill belief also serve as placebo-like interventions to build confidence.

Challenging Conformity: Using Social Influence as a Tool

Conformity shapes behavior powerfully by signaling what is normal and achievable, often limiting individuals when their social environments don't support their aspirations. Dr. Milkman shares studies where random assignment to higher-achieving peers boosted performance, illustrating the potent role of social context. She advises intentionally surrounding oneself with people who model the success one seeks and deliberately adopting their strategies. Social engagement, especially pursuing goals with peers, adds accountability and enjoyment. Even when direct access to role models is limited, consuming their stories through podcasts or memoirs offers valuable guidance and inspiration.

Starting Strong: An Evidence-Based Approach

To launch positive change effectively, Dr. Milkman advocates setting concrete, measurable, and achievable stretch goals that balance challenge and attainability. Coupled with detailed Q-based planning specifying when, where, and how to act, these steps lay a strong foundation. She urges integrating fun elements like social participation or temptation bundling to enhance enjoyment and persistence. Additionally, layering in reminders, social accountability, and confidence-building strategies tailored to individual barriers can improve success rates. Ultimately, a thoughtful blend of these tools transforms motivation at the starting line into sustained progress.

The Power of Enjoyment in Achieving Goals

Dr. Milkman emphasizes that if pursuing a goal feels painful or miserable, quitting becomes inevitable due to human wiring. She insists on making change enjoyable, whether through selecting more pleasurable activities, combining necessary tasks with rewards, or partnering with caring companions. Finding ways to bring delight into the process—be it through social connection, entertainment, or altered routines—is the "number one most important thing" for lasting success. Without positive feelings linked to goals, even the best plans tend to falter.

Practicing Kindness and Flexibility Toward Yourself

Lastly, Dr. Milkman highlights the inevitability of setbacks and the importance of self-compassion. Change is difficult and unpredictable; even with strong strategies, failure is common and normal. She advises adopting a growth mindset to view missteps as part of learning, allowing for flexibility such as "emergency reserves" in goal-setting that reduce pressure. Maintaining grace during challenges and developing contingency plans empowers individuals to bounce back rather than give up. Recognizing one's humanity and providing room to err ultimately supports the long journey of transformation.