“This Keeps 99% Single!” Dating Expert Exposes The Truth on Divorce, Love, and Cheating
Added: Jun 30, 2024
In this podcast episodes, the hosts interview Sadia Khan, a psychologist who specializes in relationships and dating advice. She explains that her expertise comes from years of studying psychology, teaching it in colleges, and providing therapy to high-earning clients. Khan's unique perspective stems from her ability to understand both male and female thought processes, having grown up with an equal number of male and female friends. She notes that her viral content often caters to successful men and attractive women, which can make her advice seem niche or generalized.
Differences Between Men and Women in Relationships
Khan discusses the psychological differences between men and women in relationships. She explains that women prioritize protection, while men seek appreciation and access. Women unconsciously want a partner who is more intelligent than them, capable of recognizing inconsistencies in their behavior. Men, on the other hand, appreciate naïve belief in what they say. Khan emphasizes the importance of women submitting to men they respect, clarifying that this submission is not blind but based on the man's traits and ability to make good decisions.
High Value Men and Women
According to Khan, a high-value man possesses a high level of self-esteem and self-respect, demonstrated by the ability to suppress current desires for long-term goals. She notes that some men are naturally advantaged due to physical attributes or wealth, but psychological traits are crucial. For high-value women, beauty is essential, but not the only factor. They should have the ability to reject attention and verbal compliments from men, looking for something more valuable in a partner. Khan stresses the importance of nurturing qualities and family orientation in high-value women.
Dating Dynamics and Challenges
Khan discusses various aspects of modern dating, including the challenges faced by good men and women. She explains that corruption in dating is highly rewarded, making it difficult for those with good intentions to find suitable partners. She advises against compromising too much or too little in relationships, emphasizing the importance of maintaining deal-breakers while being open to negotiation on other aspects.
Breakups and Rejection
When it comes to breakups, Khan suggests focusing on one's vision for the future and being happy for the ex-partner. She believes men generally take breakups worse than women in the long run. Regarding rejection, Khan advises men to be apathetic to rejection but not to the woman herself, showing interest but not being overly affected if it's not reciprocated.
Marriage and Divorce
Khan provides insights on when to get married, suggesting that the right time is when one is naturally inclined towards a monogamous lifestyle and not easily distracted by alternatives. She recommends asking potential partners how they cope with relationship difficulties before getting married. Divorce, according to Khan, becomes a good option when staying in the relationship causes more damage than leaving.
Red Flags and Deal Breakers
The podcast discusses the differences between red flags, deal breakers, and "ick" factors in relationships. Khan explains that "ick" is usually attraction-based and early in the relationship, red flags are potential issues that could lead to relationship-ending behaviors, and deal breakers are when those behaviors actually occur. She advises making treatment and respect deal breakers in relationships.
Transparency and Trust in Relationships
Khan emphasizes the importance of transparency in relationships, particularly when it comes to going out or interacting with the opposite sex. She suggests that in a healthy relationship, partners should be able to trust each other even in potentially compromising situations. However, she acknowledges that wearing provocative outfits or seeking attention from others while in a committed relationship can be problematic and may indicate a desire to keep options open.
Body Count and Its Significance
Regarding the topic of "body count" or number of sexual partners, Khan argues that the raw number is less important than a person's relationship with sex. She suggests looking at the context and reasons behind a person's sexual history rather than focusing on an arbitrary number.
Approaching Potential Partners
Khan provides advice on approaching potential partners, emphasizing the importance of confidence and not placing one's self-esteem on the other person's reaction. She suggests showing interest while remaining apathetic to potential rejection. Khan also discusses the misconception that it's inappropriate to approach someone at the gym, stating that it can be acceptable if done respectfully and without interrupting the person's workout.
ADHD and Relationships
Khan, who has ADHD herself, discusses how it can affect relationships. She notes that in her experience, it allows her to move on from arguments quickly, but acknowledges that it can have more significant implications for others.
Traditional Values and Modern Dating
The podcast touches on Khan's traditional values and how they fit into modern dating culture. She explains that her background, being born and raised in London but with parents from Pakistan, influenced her views. Khan suggests that Eastern cultures often base self-worth on duty and contribution to society rather than external validation, which she believes can be better for mental health.
Social Media and Its Impact on Relationships
Khan discusses the impact of social media on relationships and self-perception. She notes that social media can skew people's perceptions of what's normal in relationships and dating, and can lead to unrealistic expectations. She advises against over-consuming content, including relationship advice, and encourages people to focus on real-life experiences and observations.
Advice for Successful Relationships
Khan provides several pieces of advice for successful relationships. She emphasizes the importance of responding to each other's "bids" for connection, which are small gestures made to create connection in daily life. She also suggests balancing compliments and criticism, turning criticisms into instructions when possible. Khan stresses the importance of choosing a partner whose lifestyle is compatible with monogamy and who has a similar level of emotional regulation.
Narcissism and Difficult Personalities
While acknowledging the existence of narcissists and sociopaths, Khan cautions against overusing these labels. She suggests that people who are very difficult to date often have significant trauma or self-esteem issues. Khan advises carefully considering whether one is willing to take on the challenge of dating someone with these issues.
The Role of Humor in Relationships
Khan confirms that making a woman laugh can indeed help in making her fall in love. However, she notes that each woman is different, and what's most important is being similar to what she's used to while treating her better than her past experiences.
Changing Perspectives with Success
The podcast discusses how perspectives on relationships and life can change as one becomes more successful. Khan, along with the hosts, share their experiences of becoming more private and valuing personal relationships more as their public presence grew. They also note a decreased interest in material possessions and a greater appreciation for experiences and meaningful connections.
Conclusion
Throughout the podcast, Khan provides insights on various aspects of modern dating and relationships, drawing from her professional experience and personal background. She emphasizes the importance of self-respect, emotional regulation, and choosing compatible partners. While some of her views may be seen as traditional or controversial, Khan maintains that her advice is based on observations of what leads to successful, long-lasting relationships. The podcast concludes with Khan encouraging listeners to focus on real-life experiences and observations rather than over-consuming relationship advice content.
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