The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck | The Secret of Life, Sex and Money

Added: Oct 2, 2023

Mark Manson begins by talking about his journey to becoming an author. He explains that he didn't initially consider himself a good writer and received poor grades in writing classes. However, after starting his online businesses and blogging, he received positive feedback on his writing skills. This led him to consider writing a book, which eventually became "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck."

The conversation then shifts to Mark's experience in the dating advice industry. He explains that he started blogging about dating and promoting David D'Angelo's "Double Your Dating" ebook as an affiliate marketer. Eventually, people started seeking his advice directly, and he began charging for one-on-one coaching sessions. Mark emphasizes the importance of developing social skills, confidence, and the ability to handle rejection in the dating world.

The discussion then delves into the different approaches to dating, particularly the concepts of "canned game" and "natural game." Mark explains that canned game involves memorizing lines and stories to use on every woman, while natural game focuses on developing social skills and confidence. He shares that he aligned more with the natural game approach, as he found it more authentic and effective.

Mark also addresses the fear of rejection in dating and how he overcame it. He emphasizes the importance of desensitization and developing a mindset that rejection is simply part of the process of finding compatible partners. He encourages individuals to focus on finding the small percentage of people who are highly compatible with their values and lifestyle.

The conversation then touches on the impact of social media on dating and social competence. Mark acknowledges that social media can increase exposure to social expression and awareness but may hinder emotional development and depth in relationships. He suggests that face-to-face interactions and real-life experiences are crucial for emotional growth.

The podcast also explores the concept of choice overload and its impact on decision-making. Mark discusses the paradox of choice, where having too many options can lead to dissatisfaction with the choices made. He advises individuals to consider their natural talents, interests, and compatibility with their desired lifestyle when making decisions.

Mark reflects on the importance of recognizing one's natural competitive advantage and pursuing what comes naturally to them. He shares his personal experience of realizing his talent for writing through online forums and arguing about music. He encourages individuals to identify their unique strengths and leverage them to their advantage.

In terms of Mark's financial success in the dating industry, he mentions that he made a full-time income of around $50,000 per year by 2009. However, he notes that the industry was shrinking by the time he left in 2012. He also mentions writing his dating book in 2011 as a way to provide a healthier version of men's dating advice.

Mark continues by talking about his journey in the self-help industry and how he transitioned from writing about dating to more general self-help topics. He explains that his blog gained popularity, and his dating book became a bestseller on Amazon. He also discusses the viral success of his article titled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck," which eventually became the title of his book.

The conversation then shifts to the value of self-help books and the criticism surrounding them. Mark explains that while classic self-help books may have some nuggets of truth, they often fail to provide a complete picture. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the complexities of life and the need to confront both positive and negative emotions.

Mark also discusses the concept of reframing the mind and the dangers of ignoring certain truths. He explains that while it may be tempting to focus only on positive aspects or to deny negative experiences, it is essential to acknowledge and address both. He emphasizes the importance of developing the skills to handle negative emotions and events, as they are inevitable in life.

The conversation then delves into the topic of mortality and the significance of contemplating one's own existence. Mark shares his fascination with standing at the edge of steep cliffs, which reminds him of the fragility of life. He explains that confronting mortality can bring clarity and help prioritize what truly matters in life.

Mark also addresses the question of why people often fail to take action on things they know they should do. He suggests that fear and avoidance play a significant role in this behavior. He emphasizes the importance of developing the ability to handle discomfort and confront difficult emotions, as this is crucial for personal growth.

The discussion then touches on the concept of optimistic nihilism, which suggests that while life may be ultimately meaningless, individuals have the opportunity to create their own purpose and find fulfillment. Mark explains that this perspective encourages people to make the most of their limited time and strive for happiness, love, and well-being.

Mark reflects on his own experience of achieving great success with his book but still feeling depressed. He discusses the challenges of dealing with such success and the realization that external achievements do not necessarily bring lasting happiness. He emphasizes the importance of continually striving for improvement and finding meaning in life.

The conversation continues with Mark discussing the process of writing his book and the importance of accepting feedback and making necessary revisions. He highlights the skill of knowing which ideas are valuable and being open to outside opinions.

Manson continues by sharing his approach to editing and refining his work. He emphasizes the importance of reading his own writing from different perspectives, including his own, that of an average reader, and even that of a critic or hater. By doing so, he can identify any sections that may be confusing or uninteresting and make necessary cuts. Additionally, he seeks feedback from a small group of trusted individuals to gauge their reactions and make further adjustments if needed.

The conversation then shifts to the impact of money on one's perspective. Manson acknowledges that having money has changed certain aspects of his life that he didn't expect. He has gained a greater appreciation for the importance of perceived status to many people and has noticed how it can affect both professional and social interactions. Furthermore, he mentions that his perspective on politics has shifted as he has had to navigate the complexities of dealing with the government and understanding taxes and regulations.

When discussing the concept of "enough," Manson reflects on how having a significant amount of money has allowed him to realize that he doesn't need to constantly pursue more. He has come to appreciate the value of simplicity and has found contentment in his day-to-day life, which has remained largely unchanged despite his financial success. He also highlights the importance of finding internal metrics and values to guide one's decisions, rather than solely focusing on external achievements or validation.

The conversation then turns to the topic of marriage and the keys to a happy and fulfilling relationship. Manson emphasizes the significance of trust and respect in a partnership. Without trust, nothing else in the relationship can function effectively, and without respect, the relationship can become toxic. He also emphasizes the importance of fighting productively, focusing on resolving conflicts and reaching shared objectives rather than trying to win arguments.

Manson also shares his thoughts on personal development and self-help content. He acknowledges that some self-help material can be more like entertainment, providing temporary satisfaction without leading to real change. He suggests taking a break from consuming self-help content and focusing on living one's life for a period of time to see how happy and fulfilled one truly is. He also distinguishes between self-help for those in a bad place, which can be transformative, and self-help for those who are already okay, which can sometimes lead to unnecessary dissatisfaction.

Manson then poses the question of what pain individuals are willing to endure in their lives and what struggles they are willing to face. He suggests that people should identify the pain they welcome and the discomfort they are comfortable with. For him, being the underdog and striving to change things for the better is a source of enjoyment and fulfillment. He also mentions that physical exhaustion is a discomfort he is willing to embrace and believes he can improve upon.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of death and the insignificance of human existence in the grand scheme of things. Manson quotes a passage from his own writing, highlighting the uncomfortable truth that one day everyone will die and that most of what people say or do will not matter in the long run. He suggests that people often create their own purpose and importance in life, but ultimately, they are inconsequential cosmic dust on a tiny blue speck in the universe.

Towards the end of the podcast, Manson expresses his enjoyment of being back in the creator space, where he has control over the content he creates and the ability to build a team and scale his work. He acknowledges that it is a lot of work and can be stressful, but he finds it incredibly fulfilling and impactful.