The Biggest Lies You’ve Been Told About Money | Tom Bilyeu on Wealth, Love, and Poverty

Added: Oct 16, 2023

Tom Bilyeu begins by reflecting on the significance of ego and how it can affect a person's perception of themselves and their relationships. He mentions that one of the worst moments in a man's life is when he realizes that women find him harmless, as it signifies a lack of ambition and potential for growth. Bilyeu emphasizes the importance of constantly pushing oneself and taking risks in order to avoid being eaten alive by those who are willing to go the extra mile. He also notes that the key to keeping one's ego in check is to fail repeatedly, as this humbles a person and makes them aware of their limitations.

The conversation then shifts to the balance between confidence and caution, particularly in the context of entrepreneurship. Bilyeu advises that while confidence is necessary for success, caution is equally important, especially when it comes to taking risks and making decisions in business. He suggests that the balance between the two is subjective and dependent on the specific situation at hand.

The podcast delves into the importance of understanding business, with Bilyeu highlighting the value of broad knowledge to navigate various aspects of life, including interpersonal relationships and economics. He encourages individuals to read and learn from the experiences of others to develop a comprehensive understanding of the world, as this provides a broader perspective and allows for better decision-making.

The discussion also touches on the distinction between beliefs and objective truth. Bilyeu points out that the brain's interpretation of reality is limited, emphasizing that the brain's purpose is to keep a person alive rather than provide an accurate representation of the world. He explains that emotions are often based on subjective beliefs and values, rather than objective truth. Bilyeu suggests that to discern what is true, one must establish a North Star or a personal goal and evaluate how well their beliefs align with that goal. By testing their assumptions and adjusting their beliefs accordingly, individuals can come closer to objective truth.

The podcast addresses the relationship between fear and intuition. Bilyeu notes that while intuition can be valuable, it must be based on experience and past successes. He explains that intuition is the brain's prediction mechanism, and if it has a strong track record, it can be a reliable guide. However, if intuition is poorly trained or relies on past experiences that are no longer relevant, it can lead to poor decision-making.

The conversation moves on to anxiety and how it is not solely a result of overthinking, but also a bodily response. Bilyeu highlights the connection between gut health and anxiety, stating that disruptions in the microbiome can intensify anxious feelings. He suggests that addressing bodily concerns and adopting a pattern interrupt technique can help break cycle of negative thoughts and anxiety.

Bilyeu goes on to discuss the fear of loss and the feeling of peaking in life. He acknowledges the potential for experiencing a sense of loss after achieving success, but emphasizes that success and accomplishments cannot fulfill a person's ultimate desire for self-esteem. He advises individuals to focus on becoming the kind of person they admire, rather than tying their sense of worth to external achievements.

The next topic discussed is the pursuit of success and the idea of living a fulfilling life. Bilyeu believes that true fulfillment comes from doing what you love, even if you're failing, and being willing to sacrifice for it. He encourages listeners to focus on finding their purpose and to be aware of the demands and sacrifices that success may require.

The conversation then delves into hustle culture, with Bilyeu expressing his support for it. He believes that in order to succeed, one must work long hours, work hard, and work smart. He explains that success requires pouring an inhuman amount of energy into your pursuits and competing against others who are equally dedicated. However, Bilyeu also emphasizes the importance of understanding one's own values and goals and not equating success solely with money and accolades.

The discussion then turns to the decision of whether or not to have children. Bilyeu acknowledges that having a family can be fulfilling and that it aligns with nature's purpose of continuing the human species. However, he also explains that not everyone is suited for parenthood and that some individuals may find fulfillment in other aspects of life, such as building a business. He advises people to carefully consider their values and goals and to make a decision that is right for them.

The concept of hustle culture is further explored, with Bilyeu addressing the assumption that working hard and making sacrifices will automatically lead to happiness and fulfillment. He argues that money and status alone do not guarantee happiness and that individuals should pursue paths that align with their true values and bring them fulfillment. Bilyeu suggests that having a clear understanding of what one wants in life is essential for finding true fulfillment.

Another important theme touched upon in the conversation is the complexity of relationships. Bilyeu shares his insights on what makes a successful marriage, emphasizing the significance of effective communication and understanding one another's definitions of important terms. He advises couples to speak openly about their insecurities and to avoid weaponizing them against each other. Bilyeu also highlights the importance of maintaining a healthy sex life in a marriage and emphasizes the need to prioritize intimacy.

The podcast continues with a discussion on recognizing and addressing insecurities. Bilyeu asserts that everyone has insecurities, but the key is to identify them and name them. He encourages individuals to be honest with themselves and to be willing to work on their insecurities. He also advises against comparing oneself to others and seeks validation from external sources.

One of the key points Bilyeu makes is that many people have a negative and limiting mindset when it comes to money. He believes that people should stop viewing money as evil or materialistic but rather as a tool that can be used to create opportunities and make a positive impact in the world. Bilyeu emphasizes the importance of developing a growth mindset and constantly striving for success and personal growth.

He also challenges the idea that money can't buy happiness. While he acknowledges that money alone cannot bring happiness, he believes that having financial security and the ability to pursue one's passions can greatly contribute to a sense of fulfillment and well-being.

Bilyeu advises against seeking quick and easy ways to make money, as he believes that true wealth and success require hard work, perseverance, and a willingness to take risks. He encourages individuals to focus on building skills, developing their knowledge, and investing in themselves in order to create long-term financial stability.

Another topic Bilyeu addresses is the importance of understanding and managing one's personal finances. He suggests that individuals take the time to educate themselves about money and financial management, as this can lead to more informed and empowered decision-making. Bilyeu also emphasizes the value of budgeting, saving, and investing in order to secure a strong financial future.

In terms of relationships, Bilyeu discusses the importance of effective communication and journaling. He suggests that individuals write down their thoughts and feelings in order to gain a better understanding of themselves and their emotions. Bilyeu believes that journaling can help individuals uncover and unravel complicated ideas or beliefs.

He also provides insight on navigating arguments and conflicts within relationships. Bilyeu highlights the importance of active listening and understanding the other person's perspective. He advises couples to establish rules of engagement and to give each other the space and freedom to express their thoughts and emotions. Bilyeu also emphasizes the importance of working towards solutions and compromises in order to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

When it comes to trust, Bilyeu suggests that individuals should trust others in increments and based on their judgment of character. He encourages individuals to spend time with others in order to better understand who they are and to determine if they share similar values and beliefs. Bilyeu acknowledges that there may be instances where trust is broken, such as infidelity or abuse, which can greatly impact a relationship. However, he also recognizes the importance of forgiveness, understanding, and open communication in the process of rebuilding trust.

Bilyeu shares his biggest insecurity, which is a fear of not being smart enough to accomplish his goals. He discusses the importance of acknowledging insecurities and facing them head-on in order to grow and overcome self-limiting beliefs. Bilyeu believes that while insecurities can be challenging, they can also serve as a motivation to work harder and strive for personal growth.

He also addresses the question of why we exist and the meaning of life. Bilyeu suggests that there is no inherent meaning to life other than the meaning we ascribe to it. He believes that individuals have the power to create their own purpose and find fulfillment by pursuing their passions and making a positive impact in the world.

In terms of book recommendations, Bilyeu suggests "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, "Extreme Ownership" by Jaco Willink, and "Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. These books provide valuable insights on personal growth, leadership, and overcoming obstacles.