The Orgasm Expert: THIS Is How Often You Should Be Having Sex & Stop Inviting Pets Into The Bedroom!

Added: Feb 19, 2024

Importance of Sex in Relationships

Dr. Gurny highlights the significance of sex in relationships, stating that it is crucial for psychological and relationship well-being. Research shows that great sex leads to longer-lasting relationships and increased productivity. However, societal misconceptions about sex often lead to dissatisfaction in sex lives.

Misconceptions About Desire

One common misconception is that desire should be spontaneous and driven by lust and passion. Dr. Gurny challenges this notion, stating that desire can be triggered using what she calls sexual currency, which includes all the behaviors and actions that mark a couple as sexual partners. These behaviors, such as passionate kissing, flirtation, and physical touch, can trigger arousal and desire. She explains that maintaining high levels of sexual currency in a relationship can help trigger desire and satisfaction. She emphasizes the importance of paying attention to one's body and mind during sex, as distractions can hinder arousal and pleasure.

Challenges in Sex Lives

Dr. Gurny discusses common challenges in sex lives, such as the pressure and expectations placed on individuals. Pressure and expectations can be passion killers and hinder sexual satisfaction. Additionally, societal norms and depictions of sex in media, such as pornography, can create unrealistic expectations and impact sexual experiences.

Communication in Relationships

Effective communication is key to addressing sexual issues in relationships. Dr. Gurny suggests starting with open conversations about sex outside of the bedroom, discussing topics like desires, fantasies, and concerns. By creating a culture of open communication, couples can work together to improve their sex lives.

Managing Expectations

Dr. Gurny emphasizes the importance of managing expectations in relationships. Expectations and pressure can negatively impact sexual experiences, leading to dissatisfaction. By setting realistic expectations and focusing on what brings pleasure, couples can enhance their sexual connection.

Addressing Attraction Issues

When faced with attraction issues in a relationship, Dr. Gurny suggests exploring the underlying dynamics and addressing them openly. Attraction can be influenced by various factors, including relationship dynamics, stress, and communication. By addressing these factors, couples can work towards rekindling attraction and improving their sex lives.

Desire Management

Dr. Gurny discusses the concept of desire management, highlighting the importance of maintaining desire in long-term relationships. She explains that desire can fluctuate over time, especially as relationships evolve. Strategies for desire management include maintaining a balance of closeness and distance, as well as exploring new ways to keep the spark alive.

Impact of Parenthood on Sex Lives

Parenthood can significantly impact a couple's sex life, leading to decreased satisfaction and desire. The challenges of parenting, lack of time, and role changes can contribute to sexual dissatisfaction. Dr. Gurny's book, "How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life," addresses common issues faced by parents and offers strategies for maintaining a healthy sex life.

Occupying the Space Between Willingness and Desire:

Dr. Gurny talks about the discomfort that can arise when there is a gap between willingness and desire in sexual encounters. She encourages individuals to become comfortable in that space and communicate openly with their partners. By exploring different forms of sexual stimulation and focusing on mutual pleasure, couples can navigate through moments of uncertainty and arousal non-concordance.

Challenging Sexual Scripts and Expectations

The podcast challenges traditional sexual scripts and expectations, such as the emphasis on penetrative sex as the main course of sexual activity. Dr. Gurny discusses the importance of exploring diverse sexual acts and preferences to enhance sexual satisfaction. She encourages couples to communicate openly about their desires and experiment with new experiences to keep the spark alive in their relationship.

Timing of Sexual Encounters

Dr. Gurny addresses the debate on whether it is better to have sex before or after eating. She suggests that individuals should consider their comfort levels and energy levels when deciding the timing of sexual encounters. While some may prefer sex before eating for increased energy and arousal, others may find post-meal intimacy more enjoyable. The key is to prioritize mutual pleasure and communication in sexual encounters, regardless of the timing.

Sexual Scripts and Frequency of Sex

Dr. Gurny debunks the myth that having sex three times a week is necessary for a good sex life. She explains that there is no correlation between the frequency of sex and sexual satisfaction. Quality over quantity is emphasized, with the focus on having meaningful and pleasurable sexual experiences rather than a specific number of times per week.

Resentment in Relationships

Dr. Gurny emphasizes resentment as a significant factor that can hinder sexual satisfaction. Open and honest communication, along with addressing feelings of resentment, is crucial for maintaining a healthy sex life.

Impact of Menopause on Sexual Desire

The conversation touches on the impact of menopause on sexual desire and intimacy. Dr. Gurny explains how hormonal fluctuations during menopause can affect a person's interest in sex. She highlights the importance of understanding and addressing these changes to maintain a fulfilling sex life during this stage of life.

Exploring Non-Monogamous Relationships

Dr. Gurny challenges the idea of monogamy as the default relationship structure. She discusses the rise of open relationships and polyamory, emphasizing the need for open communication, boundaries, and mutual understanding in non-monogamous relationships. She encourages individuals to explore different relationship structures and consider what works best for them.

Personal Experience and Professional Journey

Dr. Gurny shares her personal experience of receiving negative advice early in her career about not being cut out to be a psychologist. She reflects on how she proved her supervisor wrong and pursued a successful career in clinical psychology specializing in sex and relationships.

Closing Thoughts and Hope for the Future:

Dr. Gurny expresses hope for the future of sex positivity and open conversations about sex. She believes that societal attitudes towards sex are evolving, and there is a growing awareness of the importance of communication, understanding, and effort in maintaining healthy and satisfying sexual relationships. She encourages individuals to challenge traditional norms and explore different relationship structures to find what works best for them.