Former No.1 Pick-Up Artist: “We’re Wired to Cheat After 7 Years”! Neil Strauss

Added: Nov 13, 2023

One of the key takeaways from the podcast is the idea that we are wired to cheat after about 7 years. According to Neil Strauss, an evolutionary biologist, Helen Fisher, believes that humans are wired for serial monogamy with clandestine adultery. This means that while individuals may be in a monogamous relationship, they may still engage in secret infidelity. Fisher's research suggests that this pattern of behavior is rooted in evolutionary impulses and may be linked to the desire to vary one's genes after a certain period of time.

However, Strauss also emphasizes that while evolutionary arguments may provide some insight into human behavior, it is important to recognize that evolution is not destiny. He acknowledges that individuals have the capacity to make conscious choices and decisions about their relationships, regardless of evolutionary impulses.

Another significant point raised in the podcast is the impact of childhood experiences on adult relationships. Strauss shares a personal anecdote about his own upbringing and how it influenced his approach to relationships. He discusses the concept of emotional incest, where a parent's emotional needs take precedence over the child's, leading to a sense of entrapment and a desire to escape in adult relationships.

Furthermore, Strauss delves into the concept of reprogramming one's emotional responses and behaviors. He emphasizes the importance of humility and seeking help from experts or therapists to address deep-seated emotional issues. He also advocates for ongoing maintenance through group therapy or talk therapy, as well as the use of tools to intervene when old behaviors resurface.

The podcast also touches on the topic of non-monogamous relationships, such as ethical non-monogamy or consensual non-monogamy. Strauss discusses the challenges and complexities of open relationships, highlighting the need for clear intentions and effective communication between partners. He also shares insights from individuals who have found fulfillment in non-traditional relationship structures, as well as the potential pitfalls and risks associated with such arrangements.

In addition, the podcast addresses the impact of modern technology and social dynamics on relationships. Strauss reflects on the paradox of increased connectivity leading to heightened feelings of disconnection and loneliness. He also discusses the changing landscape of dating and relationships, particularly with the rise of online dating apps and the shift away from traditional meeting spaces like the workplace.

The podcast offers advice for individuals struggling with relationships and love. Strauss acknowledges the unique challenges faced by men and women in the modern dating world, particularly in terms of societal expectations and gender dynamics. He emphasizes the importance of addressing emotional and psychological issues, seeking support from peers or professionals, and redefining traditional notions of masculinity and femininity.

Another key takeaways from the podcast is the idea that men are reporting increased feelings of loneliness, a decrease in sexual activity at a younger age, and a later age for their first kiss. These statistics point to a larger issue of mental health and the need for a shift in how society views and addresses these issues. Strauss emphasizes the importance of taking mental health as seriously as physical health, as stress and other mental health issues can lead to a range of negative outcomes.

Another significant point raised in the podcast is the impact of uncertainty on individuals. Strauss shares his personal experience of feeling uncertain after events like 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, which led to a sense of existential uncertainty and a need to take steps to feel safe and secure. This highlights the importance of addressing uncertainty and finding constructive ways to navigate through challenging times.

The conversation also touches on the concept of self-esteem and the journey towards feeling secure in oneself. Strauss discusses the idea of seeking validation from within rather than relying on external sources, and the importance of working on psychological health and self-esteem to build a strong foundation for healthy relationships.

Additionally, the podcast explores the concept of authenticity and the importance of being true to oneself in relationships. Strauss emphasizes the need to be honest and open in relationships, and the importance of building trust and honesty as the foundation for a strong and healthy connection with a partner.

The interview also delves into the idea of labels and identity, and the potential pitfalls of being labeled as a certain type of person or expert. Strauss shares his perspective on the dangers of being pigeonholed into a specific identity and the importance of allowing oneself to evolve and grow beyond predefined labels.