Doctor Gabor Mate: The Shocking Link Between Kindness & Illness!

Added: Oct 12, 2023

Dr. Mate emphasizes the importance of authenticity and the need for individuals to be seen, heard, and held. He uses the example of Prince Harry's childhood trauma and how he was not properly supported or comforted after his mother's death. This lack of emotional connection can be just as damaging as more overt forms of trauma.

The conversation then shifts to Dr. Mate's personal experiences and struggles with anxiety and self-doubt. He shares how he recently gave a talk that he felt was not his best, leading to feelings of anxiety and self-criticism. He discusses the symptoms he experienced, such as constant self-criticism and a roiling feeling in his belly.

To remedy these feelings, Dr. Mate took a two-week sabbatical from the internet and disconnected from external validation. He focused on observing his body states and mental loops without identifying with them. He also sought help from a psychiatrist, recognizing the importance of asking for support.

The conversation delves into the concept of self-repression and its impact on the immune system. Dr. Mate explains that repressing healthy anger can disturb the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness. He highlights the connection between emotional repression and the development of autoimmune diseases and cancer.

Dr. Mate discusses the societal pressure for women to be people pleasers and the impact this has on their health. He explains that women are more likely to develop autoimmune diseases due to their tendency to suppress healthy anger and prioritize the emotional needs of others over their own.

The conversation then turns to the personal experiences of the podcast host, who shares his struggles with repressing emotions and the toll it took on his mental health. He discusses experiencing anxiety and feeling a constant state of angst. He also reflects on the impact this had on his relationship, as he inadvertently took out his frustrations on his partner.

Dr. Mate explains that the cost of self-repression is significant, both emotionally and physiologically. He emphasizes the importance of authenticity and the need to be connected to oneself. He discusses the physiological mechanisms behind emotional repression and its impact on the immune system.

The podcast continues with a discussion on the societal pressure for individuals to be nice and the potential risks to one's health. Dr. Mate explains that being nice can stem from a genuine compassion for others, but it can also be a result of a fear of not being liked or loved. He highlights the need for individuals to prioritize their own needs and not sacrifice their authenticity for the sake of others.

Dr. Mate emphasizes that niceness can come from genuine concern for others, but it becomes problematic when it stems from self-repression and a lack of self-care. He suggests that the repression of healthy anger plays a role in the onset of certain diseases. He cites studies that have found ALS patients to be extraordinarily nice and explains that this niceness is a repression of healthy anger.

He goes on to discuss the importance of authenticity and the need for individuals to learn how to say no and set boundaries. He explains that when people don't know how to say no, their body will say no for them in the form of illness. He encourages individuals to ask themselves where in their lives they are not saying no and why. By becoming aware of these patterns and beliefs, individuals can start to change their behavior and prioritize their own well-being.

Dr. Mate also highlights the societal impact of trauma and the resistance to acknowledging it. He suggests that recognizing trauma would require the ruling elites to confront the fact that their wealth is based on the traumatization of others. He emphasizes that trauma is not just a personal issue but also a social and collective one.

When it comes to addressing trauma and stress, Dr. Mate suggests several approaches. He emphasizes the need to educate caregivers, such as doctors and teachers, about the emotional contribution to physical and mental health. He also advocates for supporting young families and creating a society that promotes mutual acceptance and social support.

On an individual level, Dr. Mate recommends reading books on trauma and self-help, as well as watching talks and interviews available online. He also suggests practicing meditation and becoming aware of one's breath. He advises individuals to remove their attachment to social media and other stimuli that contribute to chronic stress. He emphasizes the importance of learning to be comfortable with oneself and being alone, as this is essential for forming healthy relationships.

Dr. Mate discusses the role of trauma in relationships and the need for emotional intimacy and authenticity. He explains that relationships can only thrive when both parties are committed to truth and personal growth. He highlights the importance of not relying on a partner to fill one's emotional needs and the need to be comfortable with oneself before entering into a relationship.

He also addresses the issue of sexless relationships and suggests that emotional intimacy is often lacking. He explains that jumping into sexuality too early without emotional intimacy can lead to mechanical and unfulfilling sex. He also discusses the parenting dynamic between genders and how it can impact sexual desire.

Dr. Mate expresses his concern about the growing manifestations of distress and believes that the world is becoming more difficult for many people. He quotes Noam Chomsky, stating that he is strategically optimistic about the long-term potential of humanity, but tactically pessimistic about the current state of affairs.

When asked about solutions, Dr. Mate suggests defining one's goals and aligning actions with those goals. He emphasizes the importance of inner peace as a goal and how it can support other aspects of life, such as work, relationships, and parenting. He encourages individuals to examine their intentions and how they live their lives to ensure alignment between the two.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of vulnerability. Dr. Mate explains that vulnerability is a natural part of being human and is necessary for growth. He highlights how vulnerability is often denied or shut down in our culture, leading to immaturity and a loss of self. He also discusses how vulnerability can be a great connector and how embracing vulnerability can lead to more meaningful connections with others.

The podcast concludes with a discussion about the impact Dr. Mate has made on the world. He humbly expresses his gratitude for the messages he receives from people around the world who have been transformed by his work. He believes that his work helps people connect with themselves and see their capacity for wholeness, despite any struggles or trauma they may have experienced.