The Harsh Truths Young Men Need To Hear - Hamza Ahmed

Added: May 5, 2024

In this podcast episode, Hamza Ahmed discusses the dangers of Monk mode, an intensive period of self-improvement that many young men have been engaging in recently. During Monk mode, individuals cut off social interactions and focus on self-improvement activities such as going to the gym, meditating, eating clean, and journaling. While this can lead to personal growth, there are risks involved, such as becoming detached from social skills and developing awkward interactions with others.

Key takeaways


Monk mode, while beneficial for self-improvement, can lead to social detachment and awkward interactions if not balanced with social activities.


Embracing emotions and vulnerability is crucial for personal development and forming deeper connections with others.


The red pill community's evolving perspectives highlight a shift towards valuing monogamy and long-term relationships over casual encounters.


Open communication and vulnerability in relationships are key to fostering understanding and growth.


Balancing self-improvement with maintaining authenticity in relationships and social interactions is essential for holistic personal growth.

Ahmed's Experience with Monk Mode

Ahmed shares his own experience with Monk mode, noting that he had already gone through years of social experiences before engaging in intensive self-improvement periods. He realized that many young men who have not had similar social experiences may struggle to navigate relationships with others if they solely focus on self-improvement in isolation. As a result, he no longer recommends Monk mode to most young men and instead suggests a modified approach called the Adonis Protocol, which includes at least one social event per week and potentially a date with a woman.

The Dangers of Becoming a "Self-Improvement Artist"

Ahmed highlights the danger of becoming a "self-improvement artist," where individuals excel in self-improvement activities but struggle with social skills and interactions. This can lead to a lack of charm, awkward body language, and difficulty connecting with others. He emphasizes the importance of balancing self-improvement with social skills and the ability to navigate relationships effectively.

The Role of Emotions in Personal Development

The conversation shifts to the role of emotions in personal development, particularly for young men. Ahmed and his guest discuss the importance of honoring and integrating emotions, rather than suppressing or expressing them in unhealthy ways. They emphasize the value of being authentic and vulnerable in relationships, as it can lead to deeper connections and personal growth.

Evolving Perspectives in Red Pill Community

They also touch on the evolving perspectives within the red pill community, noting that some former proponents of casual relationships and pickup strategies are now advocating for monogamy and long-term relationships. Ahmed mentions examples of individuals like Dan Bilzerian and Tucker Max, who have transitioned from their previous lifestyles to embrace monogamy and family life. He reflects on the changing attitudes towards relationships and personal growth within these communities.

The Power of Vulnerability in Relationships

The conversation delves into the dynamics of relationships and the importance of open communication and vulnerability. Ahmed shares personal experiences of conveying anxieties and vulnerabilities in relationships, leading to significant growth and understanding. He emphasizes the value of honest and direct communication in fostering healthy and fulfilling relationships.

Exploring the Red Pill Ideology

The conversation delves into the concept of the "red pill" ideology and how it offers accurate diagnoses but flawed prescriptions for addressing men's issues. Ahmed suggests that individuals should focus on self-exploration and experimentation to discover what truly resonates with them, rather than conforming to societal expectations or seeking validation from external sources.

Embracing Imperfection and Growth

Ahmed highlights the importance of not becoming overly obsessed with optimizing every aspect of life, as it can lead to a sense of fragility and being controlled by external factors. He encourages individuals to embrace experiences and learn from them, rather than striving for perfection in every area of life.

Challenges Faced by Young Men

The discussion then shifts to the challenges faced by young men in Ahmed's community, particularly the difficulty in finding like-minded individuals who prioritize self-improvement and healthy habits. He notes that many young men struggle with issues such as watching porn, playing video games excessively, and feeling insecure about their appearance.

Maximizing Physical Appearance for Attraction

Ahmed explains the concept of "looks maxing," where young men focus on enhancing their physical appearance to attract women. He outlines steps for achieving this, including building muscle mass, maintaining a low body fat percentage, styling hair in a trendy manner, and cultivating a social media presence. He also differentiates between the preferences of younger girls, who may be drawn to a "cute" aesthetic, and older women, who are more attracted to traditional masculine traits.

Rising trend of male body dysmorphia

The conversation touches on the rising trend of male body dysmorphia and the pressure on men to conform to societal standards of beauty and attractiveness. Ahmed reflects on the changing dynamics of masculinity and femininity, noting that societal shifts may influence young men to adopt more feminine traits in their appearance and behavior.

The Impact of Audience Feedback

He shares his realization that the positive comments from his audience can be just as damaging as the negative ones, as they can shape his behavior and identity in ways that may not align with his true values. Ahmed acknowledges the difficulty of navigating fame at a young age and the constant pressure to live up to the expectations of his audience.

Acknowledging Uncertainties with Confidence

Ahmed also delves into the concept of certainty and the importance of being open and honest about his uncertainties. He grapples with the idea of presenting a confident persona to his audience while also acknowledging his own doubts and insecurities. He recognizes the need to tread carefully with his convictions and to approach his content with a sense of experimentation and humility.

Ahmed's Reflection on Fame

The conversation takes a deeper turn as Ahmed explores the impact of fame on his personal growth and self-discovery. He reflects on the challenges of separating his public persona from his true self and the struggle to find authenticity in a world driven by external validation. He contemplates the importance of connecting with his own identity and values, rather than seeking validation from others.

Embracing Vulnerability in Content Creation

As the podcast progresses, the host encourages Ahmed to embrace vulnerability and uncertainty in his content. The host emphasizes the importance of being true to oneself and not getting lost in the pursuit of external validation. Ahmed is challenged to consider the long-term implications of prioritizing popularity over authenticity and to reevaluate his approach to content creation.

Ahmed's Struggle with Authenticity in Relationships

Ahmed opens up about his struggle with maintaining authenticity in his relationship, admitting to leaning too heavily towards the "natural" side of himself and neglecting the effort and charm that initially attracted his partner. He realizes the importance of finding the right balance between being genuine and making an effort to keep the spark alive in a relationship. The host emphasizes the significance of investing in oneself and deriving self-worth from internal qualities rather than external appearances.

Ahmed's Fear of Losing Loved Ones

The conversation takes a deeper turn as Ahmed expresses his fear of losing loved ones, particularly his mother, as they age. He grapples with the idea of unspoken words and unresolved emotions, highlighting the pain of imagining a future without the opportunity to express his true feelings. The host offers insights on coping with the inevitability of aging and mortality, encouraging Ahmed to focus on the present moment and cherish the time he has with his loved ones.

Embracing Aging with Grace

The discussion touches on the concept of aging gracefully and accepting the changes that come with growing older. Ahmed reflects on the physical and emotional shifts he has experienced as he approaches his mid-thirties, acknowledging the need to redefine his self-worth beyond superficial attributes.

Ahmed's Struggle for Family Reconciliation

As the conversation delves into the complexities of family dynamics and unresolved emotions, Ahmed shares his struggles with unspoken words and unaddressed issues within his family. He expresses a deep desire to mend past wounds and foster deeper connections with his loved ones before it's too late.

Ahmed's Reflection on Success

Ahmed also delves into the concept of success and how it is defined differently for each individual. He reflects on his own pursuit of business success and questions whether he is simply following in his father's footsteps or if there is a deeper meaning to his endeavors. He contemplates the idea of coping mechanisms and whether his focus on business is a way to avoid addressing other aspects of his life.

Embracing Conflicting Emotions for Growth

The conversation shifts to the topic of emotional maturity and holding contradicting emotions. Ahmed acknowledges the guilt he feels for resenting his father despite all the sacrifices he made for the family. He highlights the importance of acknowledging and processing these conflicting emotions in order to move forward and grow.

Finding Joy and Fulfillment

The discussion then turns to the balance between dopamine-driven activities and serotonin-inducing experiences. Ahmed and the host explore activities that bring them joy and fulfillment, such as engaging in deep conversations, working out, and playing sports. They emphasize the importance of finding moments of connection and laughter in their lives.

Ahmed's Journey to Effective Communication

Ahmed shares his journey towards improving his communication skills and articulating his thoughts effectively. He credits his dedication to practicing and refining his speech over time, listening to other skilled communicators, and taking improv classes. He emphasizes the importance of precision in speech, active listening, and immersing oneself in content that showcases effective communication.


Full episode

Episode summary