The Art Of Mastering Your Emotions - Joe Hudson
Added: Jul 19, 2024
In this podcast episode, Joe Hudson discusses the concept of the "Golden Algorithm," which suggests that the emotions we try to avoid are often the ones we end up creating in our lives. He explains that when we attempt to avoid certain feelings, we inadvertently invite them in through our actions and behaviors. Hudson uses his personal experience of emotional abandonment as an example, describing how his efforts to avoid abandonment often led to situations that increased the likelihood of being abandoned.
Hudson emphasizes the importance of embracing all emotions, including those we typically try to avoid. He suggests that by welcoming and even looking forward to difficult emotions, we can break the pattern of recreating unwanted experiences. This approach applies to various aspects of life, including business and personal relationships.
The conversation touches on the seductive nature of hard work and the societal emphasis on effort. Hudson argues that while hard work can lead to improvements, it's not always the most efficient or effective approach. He introduces the concept of enjoyment as a measure of efficiency, suggesting that activities that leave us feeling energized and fulfilled are more efficient than those that drain us, regardless of the speed at which they're completed.
Spiritual Growth and Self-Improvement
Hudson critiques the common approach to spiritual growth and self-improvement, which often stems from a belief that we are not good enough. He shares his own experience with meditation, initially using it as a form of self-management to recreate a peak experience. He argues that this approach is fundamentally flawed, as it assumes there's something inherently wrong with us that needs fixing.
Instead, he proposes viewing personal growth as a natural evolution, similar to how an oak tree develops. He suggests that the concept of being "broken" or needing to be "fixed" actually hinders growth and transformation. The key, according to Hudson, is to love and welcome all parts of ourselves unconditionally.
The Interplay of Being and Becoming
The conversation explores the balance between "being" and "becoming," addressing the challenge of striving for improvement while also enjoying the present moment. Hudson argues that there isn't a real distinction between the two, suggesting that one cannot exist without the other. He emphasizes the importance of enjoying the process of growth and evolution, rather than fixating on an end goal that may never truly be reached.
Hudson introduces the idea of "cognitive superposition," holding seemingly contradictory ideas simultaneously. He applies this concept to the being/becoming dichotomy, suggesting that by holding both ideas at once, the perceived conflict between them dissolves.
Understanding and Managing the Inner Critical Voice
A significant portion of the conversation focuses on the inner critical voice that many people experience. Hudson explains that this voice often originates from childhood experiences and interactions with caregivers. He emphasizes that trying to stop or control this voice is generally ineffective. Instead, he suggests experimenting with different ways of reacting to the voice, such as responding with compassion or even humor.
He shares that through this work, many people experience a significant reduction in negative self-talk over time. He views this as a natural stage of development that occurs when obstacles to growth are removed.
The Importance of Emotional Fluidity
Hudson discusses the concept of emotional fluidity, explaining how repressed or unexpressed emotions can lead to stagnation and recurring patterns in our lives. He emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to fully experience and express all emotions, including those we typically try to avoid.
He introduces various techniques for improving emotional awareness and expression, such as "emotional inquiry" and physical expression of emotions. He stresses that expressing emotions doesn't necessarily mean directing them at others, but rather finding safe and appropriate ways to move the energy associated with each emotion.
The Role of Shame and Its Impact
The conversation touches on the topic of shame and its detrimental effects on personal growth and decision-making. Hudson distinguishes between guilt (feeling bad about an action) and shame (feeling bad about oneself as a person). He explains how shame can lead to emotional stagnation and hinder our ability to make clear decisions.
He describes shame's impact on different levels: mentally as negative self-talk, emotionally as stagnation, and physically as a feeling of being unsafe. He emphasizes the importance of addressing shame to facilitate personal growth and improve decision-making abilities.
The Art of Accomplishment
Hudson explains the philosophy behind his "Art of Accomplishment" approach, which aims to blend self-realization with practical, applied skills. He shares his personal journey of integrating self-discovery with business success, finding that self-awareness tools could enhance business performance when used effectively.
The conversation highlights the importance of connection over perfection in various aspects of life, including business relationships and personal growth. Hudson argues that by focusing on connection and self-discovery, we can achieve better results in our endeavors while also fostering personal growth.
Practical Exercises for Personal Growth
Throughout the conversation, Hudson offers several practical exercises and experiments for listeners to try
1. Changing how we respond to our inner critical voice, experimenting with different approaches each week.
2. Regularly asking ourselves "How can I enjoy this 10% more?" in various situations.
3. Practicing the question "Who's looking out behind these eyes?" during conversations and daily activities.
4. Engaging in a daily gratitude practice with a friend, focusing on feeling the gratitude rather than just listing items.
5. Labeling our emotions multiple times throughout the day to increase emotional awareness.
Hudson emphasizes the importance of actually trying these exercises rather than just intellectually understanding them. He argues that experiential learning is far more powerful and transformative than simply acquiring knowledge.
The Limitations of Traditional Self-Help Approaches
The conversation touches on the limitations of many traditional self-help and personal development approaches. Hudson critiques the tendency to rely on platitudes and generalized advice, arguing for a more experiential and personalized approach to growth.
He emphasizes the importance of providing people with experiments and exercises they can try for themselves, allowing them to discover insights that resonate with their own experiences. This approach, he argues, leads to more lasting and meaningful transformation than simply consuming information or adopting someone else's philosophy.
The Role of Pleasure and Enjoyment in Personal Growth
Hudson introduces the idea of pleasure as a key component of personal growth and nervous system regulation. He suggests that learning to find enjoyment in any situation can be a powerful tool for transformation and can help people settle into a state where other personal development work becomes more effective.
The conversation explores the idea that many high-achieving individuals often sacrifice enjoyment and pleasure in pursuit of their goals. He argues that this approach is ultimately counterproductive and that incorporating more enjoyment into our pursuits can lead to better outcomes and a more fulfilling life overall.
Integrating Emotional Work with Other Modalities
Hudson discusses how his approach to emotional work integrates with other personal development modalities such as meditation, therapy, and mindfulness practices. He emphasizes that while each approach has its strengths, emotional work is often an underappreciated and crucial component of personal growth.
The conversation touches on the importance of addressing all aspects of our being - mental, emotional, and physical - in our personal development efforts. Hudson suggests that focusing on the areas where we're least developed often yields the most significant results.
Conclusion
Throughout the conversation, Joe Hudson emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, emotional fluidity, and enjoyment in personal growth and accomplishment. He challenges common misconceptions about self-improvement and offers practical, experiential approaches to transformation. Hudson's philosophy blends insights from various fields, including business, psychology, and spirituality, to create a holistic approach to personal development that focuses on connection, self-discovery, and the art of living a fulfilling life.
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