“Sleep Your Way To Empowerment” Has Failed Women - Bridget Phetasy
Added: Aug 5, 2024
In this podcast episode, Bridget Phetasy discusses her experience of writing pieces that unexpectedly go viral, particularly her recent articles about divorce and regretting being promiscuous. She notes that it's always surprising which pieces take off, as they tend to be more personal and introspective rather than analytical pieces about culture war topics. The divorce piece resonated deeply with many readers, touching on how divorce impacts children well into adulthood. Phetasy describes the waves of reactions, starting with an outpouring of people thanking her for articulating their experiences, followed by pushback and criticism. She emphasizes how powerful it can be to share vulnerable stories that allow others to feel less alone.
Insights on Divorce and Its Long-Term Effects
Phetasy argues that divorce has more far-reaching consequences than many realize, affecting children even as adults. She discusses logistical challenges like juggling multiple sets of grandparents and holiday arrangements. She notes that while the divorce rate is decreasing, this may be due to lower marriage rates overall. Phetasy suggests there's been a normalization of divorce without full consideration of its impacts. She advocates for couples to make more effort to work through marital issues when children are involved, while acknowledging abuse situations are different. The conversation touches on various divorce arrangements like "nesting" where kids stay in one home while parents rotate. Phetasy shares personal experiences of how her parents' divorce affected her, including leading to substance abuse issues.
Regret and Societal Attitudes
A significant portion of the discussion centers on Phetasy's article about regretting her promiscuous past. She explains that she couldn't fully recognize it as unhealthy coping behavior until she was in a loving relationship. Phetasy describes receiving many responses from women and gay men who related to her experience. She notes pushback from those who seemed offended by the concept of regret itself, which she finds interesting from a cultural perspective. The conversation explores why people might be averse to acknowledging regret, touching on themes of shame, YOLO culture, and psychological fragility. Phetasy reflects on how she undervalued herself in the past and wishes she had loved herself more.
Gender Dynamics and Cultural Shifts
The podcast delves into differences in how men and women tend to experience and express regret, particularly around sexual behavior. Phetasy observes that in recovery meetings, men's sexual regrets often focus on how they treated women, while women's regrets center more on what happened to them. They discuss changing gender dynamics, with Phetasy noting that younger generations of fathers seem much more involved in childcare and domestic tasks. She pushes back against what she sees as a growing "victim mentality" among some men in reaction to feminist cultural shifts. The conversation touches on the challenges of navigating equality between genders without trying to make men and women the same.
Personal Growth and Public Discourse
Phetasy reflects on how she has "grown up in public" through her writing and media appearances. She describes her journey from unquestioningly identifying as a Democrat to becoming more politically nuanced after engaging with diverse audiences. The discussion explores the challenges of admitting when one's views have changed and the importance of being willing to say "I was wrong." Phetasy shares her experience of writing about personal topics and navigating which details to disclose publicly. She emphasizes the cathartic and connective power of sharing vulnerable stories, while also acknowledging the need for boundaries.
Media Landscape and Online Discourse
The conversation touches on various aspects of the current media and online discourse landscape. They discuss the phenomenon of public figures seeming to change positions without acknowledging past stances, particularly around COVID-19 policies. Phetasy expresses frustration with people misrepresenting or willfully misinterpreting her writing, noting the lack of reading comprehension she often encounters online. They explore the dynamics of social media, including how quote tweets are often used for criticism while supportive responses tend to appear in regular comments. The discussion highlights the challenge of gauging what information is common knowledge versus niche understanding among "extremely online" individuals.
Recovery and Addiction
Throughout the conversation, Phetasy weaves in insights from her experiences with addiction and recovery. She notes how getting sober forces one to confront regrets and past behaviors, which can be extremely challenging. Phetasy describes how both she and her husband trace significant life changes back to their parents' divorces, which led to substance abuse issues. She reflects on the different dynamics in men's and women's recovery meetings, particularly around sexual topics. The conversation touches on how recovery principles like taking personal inventory and making amends can be valuable life skills beyond addiction contexts.
Writing Process and Career
Phetasy shares some details about her writing process, noting that her viral divorce piece "poured through her" unusually quickly. She discusses the experience of having her work read aloud by figures like Ben Shapiro and the surreal nature of such widespread attention. The conversation touches on potential book ideas that have arisen from her viral pieces, including one tentatively titled "I Don't Know If My Daughter Should Read This."
Personal Philosophy and Aspirations
Phetasy articulates her personal mission as helping people "laugh and get out of their own way." She emphasizes the importance of being able to look at painful parts of one's past and process them, ideally finding humor where possible. She expresses a commitment to honesty and self-reflection, even when it's uncomfortable. She discusses the value of therapy and recovery principles in personal growth.
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