How To Become Braver Using Mindfulness - Cory Allen

Added: Jul 14, 2024

Why People Feel Like They're Drifting Through Life

Allen explains that many people feel like life is happening to them rather than the other way around because as we grow up, we're constantly reacting to everything around us - parents, school, society, etc. We're not making intentional choices but rather operating on autopilot. Over time, these reactive patterns become ingrained and we mistake them for who we are and what's possible. We get stuck because we confuse our past experiences and reactions with the full range of what's actually possible in life.

Increasing self-awareness through practices like meditation allows us to see ourselves from the outside and realize we actually have agency in our lives. It creates space between stimulus and response where we can make intentional choices rather than just reacting. This shift in perspective is key to feeling like we're happening to life rather than it happening to us.

Expanding Our Definition of What's Possible

To expand our sense of what's possible beyond our past experiences, Allen says we need to change our limiting thought patterns and the stories we tell ourselves. Often we want to achieve things precisely because we see others doing them, which proves they are possible. What holds us back is our mindset and negative self-talk.

When we're on the edge of making a change, negative thoughts often arise telling us we can't do it. Allen likens this to the instinctive fear response we feel near a cliff edge - our amygdala is trying to protect us from vulnerability. With personal growth, the vulnerability is emotional rather than physical, but our body still tries to keep us "safe" in familiar territory.

The key is recognizing this as just our body's protective response, not reality. By understanding this process, we can set those thoughts aside and take action anyway. Each time we do this, we build evidence that we're capable of more than we thought.

Strategies for Overcoming Fear and Taking Action

Allen outlines some practical strategies for pushing past fear and taking action:

1. Zoom out and look at the situation objectively. Recognize there's no real proof you can't do the thing you want to do.

2. Relax your body, take deep breaths, and look at reality rather than the "festering story" in your mind.

3. Recognize the low stakes - e.g. talking to someone new is just exchanging a few words, not a big deal.

4. After doing the thing once, use that as evidence you're capable for next time.

5. Remember that most people are focused on themselves, not judging you.

The key is catching yourself in those moments of fear or hesitation, zooming out to see the bigger picture, and recognizing your negative thoughts as just stories, not facts. With practice, this becomes easier over time.

Self-Consciousness and Main Character Syndrome

Allen discusses how we tend to feel like we're the center of attention, but in reality, everyone is focused on themselves. Even if others are thinking about you, they're thinking about how you relate to them. Recognizing this can be freeing - it means you have space to be yourself without constant scrutiny.

This ties into "main character syndrome" where we feel like we're the protagonist and everyone else is a background character. In reality, we're all background characters in each other's lives. Internalizing this can help reduce anxiety about how others perceive us.

Balancing Intellect and Intuition

Williamson notes that many podcast listeners are thoughtful, reasonable people who may actually need to loosen up and trust their intuition more. Allen agrees, saying the intellect is a great processing tool but can lack whimsy and magic. He advocates for balance - using intellectual power for understanding and strategy, but also being able to feel yourself and your life.

People who are very logic-focused and low on emotion tend to be closed off to their feelings. This can isolate them and make it harder to connect with others. Allen emphasizes the importance of allowing vulnerability and connection as part of the human experience.

Impostor Syndrome and Goal Setting

On impostor syndrome, Allen says simply: if you're in a situation, you likely belong there. People don't invite you by accident. For situations you haven't entered yet, recognize impostor syndrome as just a narrative in your mind lacking proof.

Regarding goal setting, Allen advocates for setting attainable goals to build momentum and self-trust. Many people set overly ambitious goals, fail to reach them, and then give up entirely. Instead, start with small, consistent goals over time to build the habit of following through. This creates self-belief that can then be applied to bigger goals.

For major aspirations, Allen suggests dreaming as big as possible, then dreaming even bigger. This shifts your mindset to approach steps more ambitiously. You may not reach that ultimate goal, but you'll go much further than with a smaller target.

The Rise of Anxiety in Modern Life

Allen attributes the prevalence of anxiety in modern life to several factors:

1. Overstimulation from technology and constant notifications frazzling our nervous systems.

2. Information overload about global events creating existential overwhelm.

3. Rapid social changes making it hard to understand our place in the world.

4. Short-term predictability (e.g. knowing tomorrow's weather) coupled with long-term unpredictability (e.g. economic uncertainty) creating an unsettling dynamic.

This gives us an illusion of control in the short-term while facing long-term turmoil, leading to anxiety when our expectations don't match reality.

Designing Routines for Relaxation and Rejuvenation

Allen cautions against getting too precious or complicated with relaxation routines. Many people get overwhelmed trying to follow every tip from influencers and give up entirely. Instead, he advises experimenting to find what works for you personally, then building your own routine from those elements. This creates intrinsic motivation and a sense of ownership.

He advocates for "model eclecticism" - exploring different schools of thought, trying things out, and cherry-picking what resonates to create your own path. This applies to health, spirituality, and other areas of life.

Portals: Opportunities for Growth and Change

One of Allen's favorite concepts from his book is the idea of "portals" - moments where opportunities for major growth or change arise. These often involve combining two seemingly unrelated skills or aspects of yourself in a novel way. Like Zen koans that provoke new insights by juxtaposing conflicting ideas, these portals create something new by merging different parts of your experience.

Allen gives examples from his own life, like combining his love of experimental music with production skills to launch an audio engineering career, or realizing he could turn his natural conversational style into a podcast. He encourages people to watch for these "cosmic winks" in their own lives - moments where disparate elements of your experience could combine in unexpected ways to create new opportunities.

Conclusion

Throughout the conversation, Allen emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, intentional choice-making, and trusting one's intuition alongside intellectual understanding. He advocates for breaking free of limiting beliefs and reactive patterns to expand our sense of what's possible in life. By recognizing fear responses for what they are, setting attainable goals, and watching for unexpected opportunities to combine our skills and experiences in new ways, we can take more control of our lives and unlock greater potential for growth and fulfillment.

Allen's approach blends practical strategies with deeper philosophical insights, encouraging listeners to examine their thought patterns, challenge their assumptions, and take brave action towards their goals. His work, including his new book, guided meditations, and podcast, aims to help people navigate the challenges of modern life with greater ease and intentionality.