Are Relationships Supposed To Last For Life? - Mads Larsen

Added: Nov 10, 2023

Larsen explains that the study of mating ideologies is important because it provides insights into the historical and cultural foundations of society. He highlights the significance of understanding how men and women reproduce and the impact of mating ideologies on social structures. Larsen points out that mating ideologies have evolved over time, reflecting changes in societal demands and resource supply.

One of the key takeaways from Larsen's research is the concept of "heroic love," which characterized mating ideologies in early human history. During this period, promiscuous mating was prevalent, and individuals lived in multi-male, multi-female groups. The focus was on distributing successful genes within the population, leading to a system where reproductive opportunities were channeled to high-status males.

As human societies transitioned to pair bonding and monogamous relationships, the concept of "courtly love" emerged. This ideology emphasized emotional love, fidelity, and the importance of emotional connections between partners. It also introduced the idea of female consent in marriage, marking the beginning of female emancipation in the Western world.

Following the era of courtly love, the concept of "companionate love" became prevalent. This pragmatic ideology focused on the practical aspects of marriage, emphasizing lifelong commitment and arranged marriages. It reflected the realities of European peasants and the need for stability and continuity within society.

Larsen's research also sheds light on the role of the church in shaping mating ideologies. The church played a significant role in imposing lifelong monogamy and regulating sexual behavior, leading to a shift in societal norms and values. This intervention by the church had far-reaching implications for social stability, growth, and individual psychology.

Larsen then discusses the agricultural revolution, which brought about significant changes in human mating practices. The dissolution of kin groups and the rise of individual choice marked a shift towards companionate love and arranged marriages. This pragmatic and unromantic ideology was driven by the need to ensure the survival of offspring and maintain social stability.

The period from the end of the first sexual revolution to the West's second sexual revolution in 1750 was characterized by companionate love, arranged marriages, and pragmatism. The primary focus was on submitting to the needs of the family and community, while avoiding emotional or erotic impulses. This period also saw the demonization of female sexuality as a means of controlling population growth and preventing malthusian crisis.

The rise of puritanism in the post-1500 period aimed to restrict extramarital and premarital sex, placing the burden of sexual control on women. This approach was driven by the need to prevent overpopulation and maintain social order. The church's doctrine of sanctity of life and the criminalization of infanticide further shaped the cultural and moral landscape of the time.

The Romantic Century from 1750 to 1850 brought about a shift towards liberty in love, leading to an increase in illegitimate births and abandoned children. This period saw a celebration of female sexuality and a focus on individual choice and pleasure. However, the social ramifications of this ideology led to a counter-reaction in the form of romantic love, emphasizing emotional connection and lifelong monogamy.

The introduction of confluent love, characterized by gender equality, convenience, and self-realization, marked a significant shift in modern mating ideologies. This ideology prioritizes individual agency and convenience, leading to a decline in fertility rates and an increase in singledom. The impact of urbanization, economic incentives, and mate preferences further contributes to the challenges of modern dating dysfunction and demographic collapse.

The modern era presents a complex interplay of cultural, economic, and social factors that shape mating ideologies. The evolution of individual choice, gender equality, and socioeconomic access has led to a redefinition of traditional mating practices. The challenges of modern society, including declining fertility rates and increased singledom, highlight the need for a deeper understanding of the evolutionary mismatch and its impact on human relationships.

Larsen continues by highlighting the complexities of modern dating, particularly on platforms like Tinder. He explains that the rapid evolution of technology has created a new mating regime of individual choice, which humans have not evolved for. This has led to a struggle for many individuals as they navigate the complexities of modern mating psychology.

The conversation delves into the impact of dating apps, the incentives that drive them, and the influence of social order and technology on mate preferences. Larsen emphasizes the importance of understanding the different mate preferences of men and women and how they are influenced by the current dating economy. He also discusses the potential implications of technological advancements, such as artificial wombs and AI companions, on the future of mating and society.

The discussion then shifts to the broader issue of human well-being, particularly the rising levels of unhappiness and despair among young people. Larsen points out that happiness is a reward for solving adaptively relevant problems, and the current challenges in mating and dating can lead to feelings of hopelessness and depression. He also highlights the impact of social media and the pressure to compare oneself to unrealistic standards, which can contribute to feelings of inadequacy.

Larsen shares insights from a study on generational happiness in Norway, where young people are experiencing a sharp decline in well-being, while older generations are feeling more satisfied with their lives. He explains that happiness is inherently relative and influenced by comparison groups, and that working for others and finding meaning in life can have a significant impact on overall well-being.

The conversation concludes with a discussion on the potential strategies for achieving well-being, including the importance of gradual progress, the accumulation of meaning over a lifetime, and the benefits of working for the good of others.