17 Ugly Psychology Truths No One Wants To Admit - Adam Lane Smith | Modern Wisdom 674

Added: Sep 2, 2023

Misconceptions about Bonding Through Sex

Smith discusses some misconceptions about bonding through sex. He explains that women often believe that having sex with a man on the first date will bond him to her. However, this only works with insecure men who crave approval, not with secure or avoidant men. Smith points out that women experience a hormone release, particularly oxytocin, during sex that can lead to bonding. On the other hand, men experience more dopamine and do not bond in the same way. Smith emphasizes that casual sex can be difficult for women because it goes against their natural inclination to bond with their sexual partner. This can also make it challenging for women to maintain friendships or engage in casual or platonic relationships. Smith refers to this phenomenon as "situationships," where women start off agreeing to one thing but end up doing the opposite. He explains that men do not bond through sex unless there is already a connection or bond present. Therefore, the idea of sleeping with someone on the first date to make them stay is a misconception.

Compensatory Nature of Political Obsession

Smith also discusses the compensatory nature of political obsession. He explains that people who obsess over politics often do so because they feel powerless in their own lives. They compensate for this lack of control by focusing on politics, which gives them a sense of power and importance. Smith points out that this is particularly true for individuals who are not financially invested in the political sphere. He argues that instead of looking for someone to save them, individuals should focus on taking control of their own lives and making changes. Smith suggests that political obsession is often a way to externalize the locus of control and blame external factors for personal problems. He emphasizes the importance of addressing personal relationships and challenges rather than relying on politics as a means of compensation.

Avoidance of Uncomfortable Conversations

Smith highlights the tendency for people to avoid uncomfortable conversations, even if they know they need to have them. He explains that this avoidance is rooted in childhood experiences and attachment theory. As children, individuals learn that expressing their needs and emotions may lead to rejection or abandonment. This fear of rejection carries into adulthood, making it difficult for people to have vulnerable conversations. Smith emphasizes the importance of having these conversations, as they can lead to personal growth and stronger relationships. He suggests that individuals should focus on the outcome they desire in their relationships and communicate their needs and desires openly. By approaching difficult conversations with a solution-focused mindset, individuals can build stronger connections and overcome their fear of vulnerability.

Impact of Broken Relationships in Modern Society

Smith argues that broken relationships have a significant impact on modern society. He explains that in the past, individuals had multiple safety nets in the form of family, extended family, friends, and religious communities. These networks provided support and connection, ensuring that individuals had a sense of worth, purpose, and meaning. However, in today's society, these networks have been eroded, leading to a lack of connection and support. Smith points out that individuals often rely on their immediate nuclear family, but even these relationships can be fractured. He highlights the importance of maintaining strong relationships and building connections within communities. Smith suggests that the breakdown of these networks contributes to issues such as depression, anxiety, and a lack of fulfillment.

Challenges of Dating for Men and Women

Smith addresses the challenges of dating for both men and women. He argues that while men often complain about the dating scene, women also face difficulties. He explains that men often perceive women as having a great time in the dating scene, particularly due to the misconception that women can easily find casual sex partners. However, Smith points out that many women are miserable in the dating scene. He highlights the pressure women face to engage in hookup culture and the emotional toll it can take. Smith emphasizes that both men and women desire committed, monogamous relationships, but there is a lack of trust and belief in the possibility of finding such relationships. He argues that men often feel that women do not want commitment, while women feel that men are not honest or stable. Smith suggests that open communication and vulnerability are key to building strong relationships and dispelling these misconceptions.

The dynamics of couples therapy and the role of women in initiating counseling

Smith continues by discussing the dynamics of couples therapy and the common trend of women being the ones to initiate counseling. He explains that in most cases, it is the woman who brings the couple to therapy, unless it is a last-ditch effort by the man to salvage the relationship. Smith shares his experience of working with couples and the importance of not taking sides or invalidating either partner's feelings. He highlights the significance of creating a safe and unbiased environment for both individuals to express their grievances and work towards resolution.

The difference in communication styles between men and women

Smith delves into the differences in communication styles between men and women. He explains that women often seek validation and emotional support when sharing their experiences, while men tend to provide solutions and focus on problem-solving. Smith emphasizes the importance of understanding these differences and adjusting communication accordingly. He advises men to ask their partners whether they want validation or a solution when discussing their problems, rather than assuming what they need. By providing the desired form of support, men can strengthen their bond with their partners and avoid misunderstandings.

The impact of daycare on child development

Smith discusses the impact of daycare on child development, particularly in the early years. He highlights research conducted by the Canadian government, which shows that daycare, especially when started at a young age and for extended periods, can have negative effects on children's mental health outcomes later in life. Smith explains that daycare can hinder the ability to bond and feel secure, leading to increased anxiety, addiction, and relationship problems in adulthood. He suggests that even placing children with relatives, such as grandparents or aunts, is preferable to daycare with strangers. Smith emphasizes the importance of considering the age range and risks associated with daycare, as well as the need for emotional bonding and connection during the early years of a child's life.

The importance of respect in relationships

Smith emphasizes the significance of respect in relationships, particularly for men. He explains that most men would rather hear that they are respected than loved because respect acknowledges their power and the honorable way they wield it. Smith highlights the need for men to have power, not to hurt others, but to protect and build positive aspects of masculinity. He encourages women to express respect towards their partners, as it strengthens the bond and releases hormones like vasopressin and oxytocin, which contribute to emotional intimacy.

The fear and misunderstanding surrounding male power

Smith addresses the fear and misunderstanding surrounding male power in the modern world. He explains that many people are terrified of men having power due to the association with abuse. Smith argues that men need power to fulfill their responsibilities, such as providing for their families and achieving their goals. He emphasizes that power should not be equated with abuse but rather with the ability to protect, build, and create positive outcomes. Smith highlights the importance of embracing responsibility and power in a respectful and honorable manner.

Nice guys finish last

In the podcast, the host and guest, Adam Lane Smith, discuss the concept of "nice guys" finishing last in relationships. According to Smith, nice guys often struggle because they have difficulty expressing their desires and needs. They fear coming off as jerks and, as a result, fail to assert themselves in relationships. This lack of assertiveness can lead to frustration and resentment, ultimately causing them to finish last in the dating game.

The social economics of simping and the trade of resources and chastity

Smith introduces the concept of simping, which refers to men who are overly pliable and willing to give up resources without receiving sex in return. He compares this behavior to women who give up sex without commitment. Both actions are seen as devaluing the respective commodities (resources and sex) in the dating market.

Smith argues that the trade of resources and chastity is a fundamental aspect of relationships. Men traditionally offer resources, while women offer chastity. When men give up resources without receiving sex in return, they are seen as overly pliable and lacking self-respect. This behavior undermines the traditional trade and creates skepticism and distaste from both men and women.

Criticism towards men who give up resources without sex

The podcast highlights the social stigma surrounding men who subscribe to platforms like OnlyFans or engage in gift-giving without receiving sexual favors in return. Smith suggests that these men are seen as "giving a free ride" to women and capitalizing on their own pliability. This behavior is criticized because it disrupts the traditional trade of resources for sex and undermines the value of resources in the dating market.

Smith argues that men who are overly pliable and willing to give up resources without receiving sex in return are not respected by either men or women. Men perceive these individuals as competition, as they are unable to offer the same level of resources. Women, on the other hand, view them as lacking self-respect and the ability to assert themselves. This overplayability undermines the traditional trade and ultimately leads to dissatisfaction in relationships.

Women who give up sex without commitment drive down the market value of sex

Smith explains that when women give up sex without commitment, it drives down the market value of sex. This occurs because men who are willing to engage in casual sex without commitment create a lower standard for sexual encounters. As a result, other women may feel pressured to lower their own standards to meet this new norm. This intra-sexual competition can lead to a devaluation of sex as a commodity.