Russ ON: Toxic Masculinity and Seeking External Validation: "I Was Chasing The Wrong Things”

Added: Aug 21, 2023

Despite achieving success and material wealth, Russ still felt empty and realized that external accomplishments were not fulfilling him. He describes this feeling as a remarkable and amazing story in hip-hop because it challenges the common belief that material success will bring happiness. Russ acknowledges that while most people may never attain the level of success he has, they still believe that achieving certain goals will make them happy. However, he emphasizes that true fulfillment comes from within and requires self-reflection and growth. Russ attributes his awakening to therapy, which helped him confront his internal struggles and understand the root causes of his dissatisfaction. He shares that therapy has been instrumental in his journey of self-discovery and has allowed him to be vulnerable and honest with himself. Through therapy, he has learned to give himself permission to feel and to seek help when needed. The conversation then shifts to the challenges men face in today's society. Russ believes that many men struggle with being in tune with their emotions and feeling safe to express them. He suggests that societal expectations often pressure men to be strong, independent, and emotionless. This pressure to conform to traditional masculine norms can prevent men from seeking help and expressing their vulnerabilities. Russ acknowledges that his journey towards self-discovery and vulnerability has been met with mixed reactions. While his immediate circle of friends and family has been supportive, he recognizes that not everyone is open to the idea of men needing help. He highlights the societal expectation for men to be tough and not show weakness, which can create barriers to seeking support. The conversation continues with a discussion about the intersection of mental health and music. Russ explains that he has always been drawn to music with substance and meaning, and he wanted to incorporate that into his own music. He views his music as a way to explore his own emotions and experiences, and he hopes that it resonates with others who may be going through similar struggles. Russ goes on to discuss the impact of hate and criticism on his self-esteem. He admits that he struggled with the idea of not being liked by everyone and questioned his own worth when faced with negative feedback. He realized that his identity was tied to the roles he played and the validation he received from others. When those roles were threatened or taken away, he felt lost and unsure of who he truly was. He emphasizes the importance of values as a starting point for self-discovery. Russ believes that one's values are something they can control, unlike the opinions and judgments of others. He acknowledges that valuing oneself solely based on external roles and validation is not healthy and can lead to a devastating blow when those roles are no longer present. Russ introduces the concept of "growing down" instead of "growing up". He explains that he used to focus on external growth, such as gaining more followers and money, but now he realizes the importance of delving deeper into his core values and true self. He aims to operate from a place of authenticity and truth, which is challenging when one is plagued by shame and insecurity. Russ shares that he struggled with self-acceptance and often felt ashamed of how he handled his career and personal life. He was critical of his younger self and felt like a fraud, especially as someone who had written a self-help book. He questioned his ability to give advice and guidance to others when he himself felt lost and insecure. The rapper discusses the challenges of being a white man in the rap industry. He admits that he initially felt insecure and lacked a sense of belonging. He tried to compensate for this by adopting an attitude of self-sufficiency and independence. He reflects on the importance of receiving help and validation from others, even though he resisted it at times. Russ acknowledges that he has met many great people in the industry who have given him validation and support. However, he has never had someone take him under their wing and guide him. He recognizes the need to be proud of his younger self and the accomplishments he achieved despite the challenges he faced. The conversation shifts to the topic of insecurity and the pressure to appear confident and put together. Russ shares his experience of feeling insecure at events and parties, even though he may seem comfortable on the surface. He emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and embracing insecurity, as it allows for genuine connections and breaks down barriers. The rapper and the host discuss the tendency to judge oneself and others based on one event or interaction. They highlight the importance of recognizing that people are complex and that change is possible. They encourage giving oneself and others the permission to change and grow. Russ reflects on the need to remove oneself from the pressures of social media and the internet. He emphasizes the importance of reconciling with oneself and allowing for personal growth and change. He acknowledges that he has changed his mind on many things over the years and that it is a natural part of personal development. In conclusion, Russ's journey of self-discovery has led him to embrace authenticity, self-compassion, and the acceptance of change. He has learned to value his own worth and to be open to learning and growth. Through his experiences, he encourages others to embrace their insecurities, show themselves compassion, and allow for personal growth and change.