How to Speak Clearly & With Confidence | Matt Abrahams

The Pitfalls of Memorizing Speeches

Matt Abrahams unequivocally advises against memorizing speeches, emphasizing that rote memorization imposes a heavy cognitive load on a speaker. When people memorize word-for-word, they often find themselves endlessly comparing their actual speech to the memorized content, which undermines natural delivery and increases anxiety. This continuous internal monitoring takes away precious mental resources that could otherwise be focused on connection with the audience and clear message delivery.

Instead, Abrahams advocates for knowing the structure and key points of your speech and having flexibility with the wording. Being familiar with how to start strongly is helpful, but trying to recite each word perfectly is counterproductive. If there are crucial data points or phrases, having them written on note cards and referring to them during the talk is preferable to memorizing everything. The emphasis is on having a reliable "road map" rather than a script, allowing speakers to stay present and authentic.

Managing Anxiety

Pre-talk nervousness and anxiety are natural, but Matt stresses that preparing to manage both the physical symptoms and the underlying sources of anxiety is essential. Among physical symptoms, elevated heart rate, perspiration, and voice pitch shifts are common. Techniques like controlled breathing—particularly emphasizing long exhales—can help calm the nervous system. Holding something cold before speaking can reduce blushing and sweating by dissipating excess body heat and calming physiological overactivation.

Equally important is managing cognitive sources of anxiety, which often stem from fear of negative evaluation or failure. Rationalizing the low probability and limited consequences of failure helps attenuate these fears. Physical movement, vocal warm-ups such as tongue twisters, and situational grounding exercises all contribute to calming the mind and body before public speaking. Matt encourages creating and practicing an individualized anxiety management plan, which builds confidence and resilience for any communication scenario.

The Power of Structure and Storytelling

A hallmark of clear communication is having a well-organized structure that guides the audience through the message naturally. Matt explains that humans innately process narratives better than unconnected lists of information. Underlying structures such as problem-solution-benefit or the three-question framework—"What? So what? Now what?"—create logical flow and aid retention.

When telling stories, being concise and "parachuting" directly into the core keeps engagement high. Avoiding overly long preludes or unrelated tangents ensures the message stays on track. Stories should serve the audience's needs, be relevant, and have clear takeaways. The goal is to craft stories that resonate emotionally and intellectually without turning into sermons. By focusing on purpose and audience relevance, storytellers can maximize the clarity and impact of their narratives.

Connecting to Your True Voice

Authenticity is more than just "being yourself"; it involves a deep understanding of what matters to you and communicating from that reflective place. Matt emphasizes introspection as a prerequisite for authentic communication. Speakers need to distill what they stand for and why the topic is meaningful to them in order to come across as genuine and connected.

At the same time, being overly self-conscious or monitoring how one is perceived inhibits authentic presence. The mental effort spent judging oneself detracts from the ability to engage fully with the audience. Techniques borrowed from improvisational theater help speakers break free from internal judgment and embrace spontaneity. Authenticity arises when the speaker is present, grounded in their values, and responsive to the moment rather than trapped in self-evaluation.

Improv and Spontaneous Speaking

While many think of speaking as a scripted delivery, much of effective communication is spontaneous and responsive. Matt highlights that "practice to be spontaneous" by engaging in improv exercises or speaking drills that build agility and comfort with the unknown. Improvisation is not about humor but about presence and adaptability in the moment.

Simple exercises, such as describing random objects or repeating phrases with incongruent labels, disrupt habitual thought patterns and reduce the internal critic's grip. These activities train the brain to think flexibly and respond authentically when called upon unexpectedly. Even seasoned speakers benefit from these drills to enhance real-time communication skills and manage the discomfort inherent in unpredictability.

The Role of Movement and Vocal Control

A speaker's physicality greatly affects how their message is received. Matt discusses how purposeful movement—such as pacing during transitions and standing still when emphasizing a key point—helps regulate audience attention and signals shifts in the presentation. This deliberate use of space and stillness mimics techniques used by comedians and performers to optimize audience engagement.

Similarly, vocal modulation is crucial. Nervousness often drives the voice unnaturally high and fast, which detracts from clarity and authority. Speakers are encouraged to slow down and lower their pitch slightly to sound more grounded and confident. Breath support plays a vital role, and controlled breathwork assists both in calming physiological responses and supporting vocal strength.

Communication with Diverse Audiences

Matt distinguishes communication in one-on-one settings from public speaking, noting that some skills overlap but certain aspects—such as presence and immediacy—manifest differently depending on the context. While one can be a master at personal conversations, commanding a large stage requires additional techniques.

Moreover, cultural and neurodiversity aspects demand adaptation. People have varying communication styles based on cultural backgrounds, neurodiversity, introversion, or other factors. Effective communicators learn to appreciate these differences, shifting their approach to meet diverse audience expectations. For non-native speakers, the goal is not to speak with a perfect native accent but to be clear and purposeful, repeating or exemplifying key points to ensure understanding.

Handling Interruptions

Interruptions and challenging conversational dynamics are inevitable in many communication scenarios. Matt recommends setting expectations upfront to manage interruptions, such as indicating designated times for questions or contributions. If interrupted, paraphrasing the interrupter's point can demonstrate engagement while gently regaining control of the dialogue.

When engaging with people who struggle to communicate well, leading with curiosity and open-ended questions invites participation without pressure. Giving space for others to "tell me more" fosters connection and draws out information that can be aligned with one's communication goals. Such strategies nurture dialogue even with reticent or less skilled communicators.

Leveraging Feedback, Reflection, and Repetition

Continuous improvement in communication depends heavily on practice, reflection, and feedback. Matt insists that simply thinking about becoming a better speaker is insufficient; repeated speaking engagements with deliberate reflection on what worked and what did not are essential. Analyzing recordings—both audio-only and video-only—provides critical insights into one's delivery style and habits.

He himself practices daily journaling about communication successes and challenges, with weekly reviews to set goals. Trusted colleagues or coaches can supply honest feedback, enabling speakers to fine-tune their presence, content, and style. This cycle of repetition, reflection, and response to feedback creates lasting growth.

Communication and Social Media

The podcast touches on how changing technologies and cultural shifts, particularly the rise of social media, influence communication expectations. Younger generations often demand faster, more transactional exchanges and are adept at managing presence across multiple platforms. While critics sometimes bemoan social media's impacts, Matt points out that these skills are valuable and worth studying, especially for older generations adapting to new norms.

However, traditional forms of communication such as long-form lectures or in-depth conversations require different engagement strategies. Speakers must be aware of audience expectations and the changing ways people consume information, adapting delivery accordingly without sacrificing depth or clarity.

Physical Training and Communication Presence

Beyond pure verbal skills, Matt reflects on how physical disciplines, especially martial arts, contribute to more effective communication by fostering bodily awareness and confidence. Martial arts training enhances presence, posture, and the ability to stay calm under pressure—qualities transferable to public speaking and interpersonal exchanges.

Learning to "read" an opponent's movement parallels the need to observe audience cues and adjust accordingly. Furthermore, the blend of spontaneous and prearranged patterns in martial arts translates well to communication contexts, which involve both prepared content and real-time responsiveness. Engaging in physical activity that connects mind and body offers a useful foundation for authentic and commanding communication.