Buddhist Monk: Take Back Control Of Your Life From Alcohol, Porn & Social Media | Gelong Thubten

Added: Sep 27, 2023

Thubten shares his personal experience of being a monk for 30 years and how he noticed the addictive nature of technology and the constant barrage of information and advertising. He emphasizes that we are drowning in addictions based on distraction and highlights the need to understand what we are trying to distract ourselves from.

The monk suggests that the constant pursuit of pleasure and the avoidance of hardship only perpetuate our sense of dissatisfaction. He explains that the more we chase after something, the more elusive it becomes, and even if we attain it, we soon find ourselves wanting something else. This constant wanting creates a habit of always seeking more, leading to a never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction.

Thubten argues that the root cause of these addictions is our inability to face our own feelings. He encourages individuals to work with their minds and understand the habits and reactions that contribute to their suffering. By changing our programming and working with our reactions, we can transform ourselves and find peace.

The conversation then shifts to Thubten's personal journey and his experience of burnout in his early twenties. He describes how he used distractions such as parties and socializing to run away from his own feelings of depression and anxiety. However, this lifestyle eventually led to a complete breakdown, and he became extremely ill.

Thubten explains that his recovery involved becoming a monk and going on a retreat. He found that the healthy living and meditation practices of being a monk supported his healing process. While he acknowledges that he has recovered from his burnout, he believes that we are all in a constant state of recovery from the suffering of life.

The discussion then delves into the concept of happiness and how it relates to distraction and avoidance of discomfort. Thubten explains that true happiness can only be found when we learn to face and work with our unhappiness. He suggests that hard times can be seen as opportunities for growth and the cultivation of inner strength, resilience, and compassion.

Thubten emphasizes the importance of working with the sensations in our bodies rather than getting caught up in our thoughts. He suggests that during difficult times, we should focus on the physical sensations of discomfort and use meditation to transform them. By doing so, we can develop strength and find solutions from a place of calm and resilience.

The conversation then explores the idea of extremes in Thubten's life, from being a party animal in New York to becoming a monk in Scotland. Thubten acknowledges that he has had a tendency towards extremes but explains that his motivation for becoming a monk shifted over time. Initially, he sought refuge from his burnout, but as he delved deeper into Buddhism and the philosophy of compassion, his decision to continue as a monk came from a place of resonance and a desire to help others.

Thubten addresses the misconception that being a monk is extreme and restrictive. He explains that being a monk has given him a sense of relaxation, freedom, and the opportunity to share his message with others. He emphasizes that anyone can practice meditation and work with their minds, regardless of their lifestyle or circumstances.

The conversation continues with a discussion on the misconceptions about meditation and the obstacles people face when starting a meditation practice. Thubten highlights the misconception that meditation is about clearing the mind and explains that it is about changing the relationship with our thoughts rather than getting rid of them. He encourages individuals to approach meditation with a sense of curiosity and openness.

During his first retreat, Thubten felt a sense of self-disgust and constantly heard a negative voice inside him. He had misconceptions about meditation, thinking that he needed to silence his thoughts and focus intensely. He became tense and tried to push everything away, but the more he tried, the worse it got. However, this retreat was also a creative and productive time for him as he discovered how to meditate and how not to meditate. He also questioned his life choices and whether he should stay a monk.

Thubten emphasizes that many people struggle with making big decisions in life because they are addicted to distraction. Instead of sitting with uncomfortable questions and thoughts, people often turn to apps, entertainment, or substances to avoid facing them. He believes that meditation can help people learn to sit with their thoughts and feelings and find inner happiness and strength.

Thubten explains that meditation helps us realize that we don't have to be controlled by negative thoughts and feelings. It allows us to cultivate positive thoughts and feelings and tap into a deep sense of peace and contentment. He encourages everyone to meditate, even if it's just for a few minutes a day, as it can change our relationship with ourselves and others.

The conversation then shifts to the practice of meditation and how it differs from other activities that people may consider meditative, such as running or yoga. Thubten explains that while these activities may give a taste of what meditation feels like, they are not as portable as meditation. Meditation is something that can be practiced anywhere, anytime, without the need for specific equipment or circumstances.

Thubten shares a practical exercise called breath counting, where one focuses on their breath and counts the cycles of breath. He explains that distraction is actually good in meditation because it helps build mental strength. Each time one notices their mind wandering and brings it back to the breath, they are gaining power over their thoughts. Thubten emphasizes that meditation is not about clearing the mind, but about changing our relationship with our thoughts.

The conversation then delves into the concept of acceptance. Thubten explains that acceptance is not about resignation or putting up with things, but about embracing situations with compassion and openness. It is an active state of mind that allows us to change our relationship with stress and discomfort. Thubten believes that stress is resistance, and by learning to dismantle that resistance, we can suffer less and make conscious, healthy choices in life.

Thubten also clarifies the Buddhist perspective on suffering, stating that it is not about believing that everything is suffering, but about recognizing that there is always a sense of incompleteness or dissatisfaction in our lives. He explains that suffering can manifest in different levels, from physical and emotional pain to a subtle sense of discontentment. The goal of Buddhism is to transcend suffering by discovering the beauty and strength within ourselves.

The conversation continues with a discussion on emotions. Thubten explains that emotions are thoughts with more energy and power, and they often stem from fear, desire, or anger. He clarifies that Buddhism does not aim to get rid of emotions but to be less negatively influenced by them. Through meditation, one can go beyond emotions and discover peace and happiness within themselves. Thubten emphasizes the importance of working directly with painful emotions and transforming them through mindfulness and self-compassion.

Thubten continues by explaining that meditation is not just for monks or those seeking a spiritual path, but it can benefit anyone struggling with their life or dealing with low-grade addictions. He emphasizes that even just 10 minutes of meditation a day can make a difference and that neuroscientists have found visible changes in the brain after just a few days of regular meditation.

He compares meditation to exercise, stating that just as going to the gym or eating the right food may not immediately show physical changes, meditation works in a similar way. It may take time to feel the effects, but the science behind it supports its benefits.

Thubten shares his own experience of spending two years in a retreat where he was unable to meditate and suffered greatly. However, when he learned to move into the emotions rather than push them away, things started to change. He emphasizes that meditation is a deep and long journey, but even small amounts of daily practice can lead to feeling more calm, less stressed, and happier.

The guest also discusses the role of anger in our lives. He explains that anger is a habit that proliferates and feeds into more anger. He suggests that instead of focusing on the person or thing that triggers our anger, we should look at the anger itself. By meditating on the feeling of anger without trying to push it away or tell stories about it, we can start to transform and find freedom within the anger.

Thubten also addresses the concept of unconditional love and how it relates to anger. He distinguishes between conditional love, which is based on expectations and can easily turn to hate, and unconditional love, which is not dependent on receiving something in return. He suggests that we can expand the love we feel for our close relatives to include all beings, practicing compassion and understanding for everyone.

The guest emphasizes that the hard times we go through are opportunities for growth and self-discovery. He encourages gratitude for life's difficulties, as they can teach us valuable lessons and help us develop compassion for ourselves and others. He uses the metaphor of compost, explaining that the things we normally discard can be used as fertilizer for personal growth.

Thubten acknowledges that everyone's journey is different and that his own experience may be more extreme. He highlights that meditation is not a one-size-fits-all approach and that individuals can find their own ways to incorporate meditation into their lives, even with busy schedules and responsibilities.

He also discusses the importance of being stable and secure within ourselves before we can contribute to our tribe or community. By becoming less reliant on external factors for our happiness, we can better support and rely on others.

In conclusion, Thubten encourages individuals to learn how to be with themselves through meditation, describing it as a courageous and compassionate act. He emphasizes that meditation is not about doing something to become a better person, but rather about undoing the things we do to run away from ourselves. By simply sitting with our minds and letting them be, we can discover our true essence and find happiness.