Relationship and Trauma Expert Sadia Khan Tells Her Story

Added: Sep 6, 2023

Upbringing and Cultural Influences

Sadia Khan shares her experience of growing up in London with a strict Pakistani Muslim upbringing. She explains that her upbringing was different from her peers, as she had to think differently due to the opposing values she was taught at home compared to those around her. This dissonance led her to form her own opinions and think critically about various aspects of life.

The Impact of Strict Parenting and Religion

Khan discusses the strictness of her parents, even as an adult, and how it has influenced her life. She explains that having a belief in God and trusting authority figures is a part of her upbringing, and she sees the rules and restrictions imposed by religion as beneficial for mental health and overall well-being.

The Importance of Psychological Intimacy before Physical Intimacy

Khan emphasizes the significance of establishing psychological intimacy before engaging in physical intimacy. She suggests that individuals should be comfortable discussing their terms, conditions, likes, and dislikes with their partners before becoming physically intimate. This approach ensures that both partners are on the same page and can create a stronger foundation for a healthy relationship.

The Damaging Effects of Pornography

Khan expresses her concern about the damaging effects of pornography, particularly on men. She highlights the increasing accessibility of pornography and its impact on relationships and sexual performance. She explains that pornography can create unrealistic expectations, lead to addiction, and hinder genuine intimacy and connection between partners.

The Challenges of Single Parenting

The discussion touches upon the challenges faced by single parents, particularly single mothers. Khan acknowledges that while some single mothers may deny the need for a father figure, it is essential for children to have both parents involved in their lives. She emphasizes the importance of co-parenting and creating a supportive environment for children to thrive.

Khan suggests that if a couple can coexist and maintain a healthy co-parenting relationship, it is beneficial for children to have both parents present. She acknowledges that there may be periods where the couple falls out of love, but with effort and communication, they can regroup and reestablish their connection. Staying together for the sake of the children can provide stability and a sense of family.

The Significance of Forming Meaningful Connections and Prioritizing Family

Khan believes that the key to a fulfilling life lies in forming meaningful connections with friends, family, and partners. She emphasizes the importance of shared meaning and purpose in relationships, whether it be through work, children, or other aspects of life. Khan also highlights the need to prioritize family and spend quality time with loved ones, as this brings her the most happiness.

Stationary values for life

Khan goes on to discuss the importance of having stationary values for life. She expresses her belief that certain things, such as wearing certain clothes or engaging in certain behaviors like random sex or homosexuality, are considered sins in her opinion. She states that she will never change her opinion on these matters, even though she recognizes that she herself is a sinner. Khan believes that having stationary values helps to prevent manipulation and allows individuals to stand firm in their beliefs.

Sadia Khan firmly believes in the concept of sin and differentiates between what she considers right and wrong. She acknowledges that she herself is a sinner but recognizes the distinction between right and wrong actions. She states that what is right is right and what is wrong is wrong, and she will never change her opinion on these matters. Khan's belief in sin and her adherence to her own set of values shape her perspective on various aspects of life.

Manipulation and societal influence

Sadia Khan discusses the topic of manipulation and how easily people can be influenced by societal norms and external forces. She expresses her concern about how quickly people can be controlled and manipulated, citing examples from the recent lockdowns and the impact of media programming. Khan believes that having a set of stationary values helps protect individuals from manipulation and allows them to think critically and independently.

Abusive relationships and trauma

The podcast touches on the topic of abusive relationships and the reasons why individuals may stay in such relationships. Khan suggests that people who stay in abusive relationships may have experienced trauma or come from broken homes, which can lead to a lack of self-love and a sense of safety. She emphasizes the importance of individuals recognizing their own worth and leaving abusive relationships, as well as seeking therapy or support to heal from the trauma.

Masculinity and femininity

Sadia Khan shares her thoughts on masculinity and femininity, stating that men should embrace their masculinity. She believes that men have become weaker due to the influence of pornography, which she sees as a contributing factor to the loss of masculinity in society. Khan emphasizes the importance of men being strong and not allowing themselves to be manipulated by the allure of sex and beauty. She also discusses the impact of societal expectations on women and the pressure to conform to certain standards.

Religion and Morality

Khan discusses her belief in religion and how it provides her with a moral compass. She believes that without religion, people would struggle to determine what is right and wrong. She argues that intuition can be subjective and influenced by past experiences, while religion provides universal values that have worked throughout society. She mentions the Ten Commandments as an example of guidelines that, if followed correctly, could work everywhere. She also expresses concern about the changing moral values in society and the potential negative consequences of relying solely on societal norms and media for moral guidance.

Depression and Mental Health

Khan shares her perspective on depression, stating that she believes it is caused by unlocked potential, poor connections, and seeking highs. She suggests that depression is a result of not fulfilling one's potential in life, lacking meaningful connections with others, and using substances or behaviors to numb pain. She emphasizes the importance of addressing the underlying causes of depression rather than relying on medication. Khan also discusses the higher suicide rates among men and attributes it to their inability to express their emotions and seek help due to societal expectations.

Transgender Movement

Khan expresses her disagreement with the transgender movement, stating that she believes it is celebrating a mental illness. She argues that if someone believes they are detached from reality and identifies as a different gender, the focus should be on understanding the underlying pain and helping them reconnect with their body and reality. She questions the need for physical changes if gender is considered a social construct and suggests that self-acceptance and authenticity should be prioritized instead.

Alcohol and Escapism

Khan discusses the glorification of alcohol in society and suggests that it serves as a form of escapism. She believes that as people's lives become more empty and vacuous, they turn to alcohol to escape and find enjoyment. She also suggests that alcohol provides a temporary release for individuals who are suppressing themselves due to societal pressures. Khan argues that valuing materialistic and superficial things leads to depression and that focusing on meaningful connections and fulfilling one's potential can help combat the need for escapism.

Power of Words

Khan acknowledges the power of words and the impact they can have on others. She admits to having a strong tongue and being able to say mean things when angry. She recognizes that words can destroy relationships and stay with people for a long time. Khan encourages using words positively and being mindful of their impact on others. She also discusses the sensitivity people have towards words and how some individuals can be deeply affected by negative comments.

Belief in Being Wrong

Khan discusses the importance of questioning oneself and being open to the possibility of being wrong. She emphasizes the need for research and understanding before forming opinions or beliefs. Khan believes that constantly thinking one is right can make a person fragile and hinder personal growth. She suggests that individuals should approach life with the mindset of "I could be wrong" and be open to questioning themselves. This mindset allows for continuous learning and development.

Preparing for the Worst

Khan shares her tendency to always prepare for the worst-case scenario. She admits that she is okay with the worst happening and believes it helps her detach from the joy and excitement of success. While some may view this as a form of self-sabotage or low self-esteem, Khan sees it as a way to avoid getting too caught up in the positive aspects of life. She acknowledges that it may prevent her from dreaming big or taking on new challenges, but she is content with her approach.

Advice for Those in Dark Spaces

When asked about advice for individuals in dark spaces, Khan suggests having a vision of where one sees themselves in the future. She encourages individuals to evaluate their current behaviors and determine if they are contributing to a positive or negative future. If engaging in destructive behaviors such as numbness, denial, or poor decision-making, Khan advises stopping those behaviors and focusing on problem-solving. She believes that changing poor decisions into constructive ones can lead to positive changes in life.

Anger and Perspective

Khan discusses anger as a lack of perspective. She explains that anger arises when individuals fail to understand the reasons behind someone's behavior. By taking a step back and gaining perspective, one can shift their emotional response from anger to compassion. Khan believes that anger can be avoided if individuals make an effort to understand others and not take things personally. She also mentions that anger is a result of poor decision-making and suggests taking accountability for one's actions to avoid unnecessary suffering.

People's Ability to Change

Khan expresses her belief that people can improve and get better, but she does not think that people fundamentally change. She argues that accepting oneself and working on personal growth is a part of good mental health. While individuals can improve certain aspects of themselves, Khan believes that embracing who they are is essential. She also mentions that cheating can be seen as a coping mechanism, and until individuals address the underlying issues that lead to cheating, they may continue to engage in such behavior.