What Your Body Is Trying to Do as You Age (Most People Fight This) | Dr. Mindy Pelz

In this conversation, Dr. Mindy Pelz explores the complex and often misunderstood journey of aging, particularly in women transitioning through menopause. The discussion intertwines neuroscience, anthropology, psychology, and personal experience to shed light on the physiological and emotional transformations women undergo between their late 30s and post-menopause years. It challenges cultural stigmas around aging, emphasizes self-discovery and authenticity, and offers practical lifestyle insights for navigating this life stage. The dialogue also touches on trauma healing, detoxification, hormonal shifts, and the crucial role of supportive relationships.

The Truth Behind Aging and Menopause

Dr. Pelz begins by revealing troubling statistics: women between 45 and 55 are at the highest risk for suicide, and after 40, women initiate 70% of divorces. Yet, biologically, women are designed to live a substantial portion of their lives post-reproductive years. This paradox signals an awakening, a profound transition that women are culturally unprepared for. The aging process, particularly menopause, is not a decline but an evolution requiring new language and reverence—a rite of passage that Western culture largely neglects. Dr. Pelz suggests that the resistance stems partly from patriarchal discomfort with post-menopausal women's inherent power and independence.

Neurobiology of Hormonal Transitions

Through a neuroscience lens, Dr. Pelz explains that hormonal shifts during key life stages actively rewire the female brain. During puberty, neurons pruning detaches offspring from dependence on caregivers. In postpartum, the brain shifts towards heightened intuition to meet newborns' needs. Menopause represents a third pruning phase, where the brain sheds neurons tied to people-pleasing and external validation, facilitating a move toward autonomy and internal worth. This neurological rewiring sets the stage for women's emergence as independent, truthful leaders in their communities and families.

The Grandmother Hypothesis and Evolutionary Purpose

Anthropologically, the "grandmother hypothesis" offers an evolutionary explanation for women's extended post-reproductive lifespan. In hunter-gatherer societies, post-menopausal women were vital contributors, providing food and social leadership while younger women focused on childbirth and rearing. These elder women, often gathering alone on long foraging trips, sustained tribes, facilitated language development, and ensured collective survival. This evolutionary role casts aging women not as invisible or diminished but as essential pillars of human continuity and wisdom.

Archetypal Shifts: The Crone and Wise Woman

Dr. Pelz references archetypal imagery, retracing the "dangerous crown" of the menopausal woman embodying a wise elder. While modern Western culture often marginalizes aging women, many indigenous and ancient societies celebrated them as oracles and keepers of knowledge. Wrinkles and gray hair were symbols of accumulated wisdom and earned authority. However, in today's cultural context, women often fear invisibility, ageism, and diminished social roles, which complicates the psychological transition from adult to elder status.

Psychological Challenges: Depression, Anxiety, and Identity

Pivoting to the emotional landscape, Dr. Pelz draws on Carol Gilligan's research that girls are culturally conditioned to prioritize others' needs, leading to underdeveloped internal self-awareness. Midlife hormonal changes force women to face an unfamiliar question: "What do I want?" For many, this reveals a void as lifelong patterns of self-sacrifice and codependency are dismantled. Anxiety, depression, and feelings of emptiness often emerge because women have never exercised this inner self-inquiry muscle. This internal dissonance, combined with external pressures, contributes to the heightened suicide and divorce rates seen during midlife.

The Importance of Self-Knowledge and Boundary Setting

As women awaken to their own needs, engaging in self-understanding becomes an essential but challenging process. Dr. Pelz acknowledges that this journey can be disorienting, especially for women accustomed to defining their worth by career success or caregiving. The process requires reclaiming permission to take up space, set boundaries, and say no—actions often unfamiliar and initially frightening. She shares her personal experience of disentangling from codependent patterns and learning to prioritize her own emotional well-being, emphasizing that this is a form of leadership and authentic living.

Solitude as a Healing Tool

In the wake of trauma, such as the devastating Malibu fires Dr. Pelz experienced, solitude emerged as a critical space for healing and reconnection. The menopausal nervous system becomes highly sensitive, necessitating periods of isolation to restore balance and integrate change. Rituals like daily "dates with grief" allow intentional processing of loss and transformation. Slowing down activities and minimizing external stimuli help recalibrate the nervous system, fostering a grounded and resilient internal state.

Minimalism and Release from Consumerism

The fires also catalyzed a radical simplification of material attachments for Dr. Pelz, illustrating a broader theme of decluttering life to focus on what truly matters. This intentional reduction aligns with ancient wisdom emphasizing the harmful accumulation of toxins—whether environmental, physical, or emotional. Recognizing the exhausting nature of "busy-ness" and consumer culture, she advocates for mindful consumption, prioritizing quality over quantity, and approaching possessions with questions about their true personal value.

Living with Uncertainty and the Liminal Space

The "liminal space," or in-between phase of uncertainty, features prominently in the menopausal journey and major life disruptions. Dr. Pelz describes embracing this space as a process of surrender and possibility rather than fear. The experience mirrors the butterfly's chrysalis stage, where the caterpillar dissolves before emerging transformed. Resisting change is part of this process, building resilience and rewiring the brain through neuroplasticity. Learning to live without complete control opens pathways to wisdom and authentic selfhood.

Power Dynamics: Power Over vs. Power With and Within

A critical insight is the shift from "power over" to "power with" or "power within." Dr. Pelz distinguishes between patriarchal power structures based on domination and the more collaborative, sovereign energy menopausal women embody. This transition is essential for authentic leadership and community building. Rather than seeking external approval, women cultivate inner authority and foster mutually supportive connections, creating a new cultural paradigm of shared empowerment.

Hormonal Neurochemistry and Lifestyle Adaptations

Dr. Pelz highlights the roller coaster of brain chemistry changes beginning in the late 30s and intensifying through the 40s and 50s. Progesterone decline increases anxiety; fluctuating estrogen disrupts mood, memory, and sleep through its influence on multiple neurotransmitters including dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. Understanding these shifts provides context for emotional experiences and underscores the importance of lifestyle interventions. Novelty stimulates dopamine, sunlight boosts serotonin, and community nourishes oxytocin production. These natural strategies offer women tools to support neurochemical balance alongside or instead of pharmacological approaches.

Metabolic Changes and Fasting

Recognizing that aging bodies become less efficient at using glucose, Dr. Pelz discusses the metabolic shift toward ketone utilization as a healthier brain fuel source post-40. Encouraging a clean diet free from ultra-processed foods and intermittent fasting mimicking ancestral patterns promotes clearer cognition, more stable energy, and less weight gain. These strategies counteract the metabolic confusion and "brain fog" that many experience during menopause, supporting brain vitality and overall longevity.

Detoxification and Environmental Toxins

Environmental toxins and heavy metals present significant obstacles during aging, intensified by hormonal changes that release stored toxins from bone and fat tissue into circulation and the brain. Dr. Pelz stresses the importance of supporting the body's innate detox pathways through movement, lymphatic health, sleep, fiber, and natural binders like chlorella. For more advanced detoxification, she shares her personal experience with therapeutic plasma exchange (TPE), a cutting-edge treatment that rapidly lowers toxic loads and enhances mental clarity. This underscores current challenges as well as innovative solutions in managing modern toxic burdens.

Healing Trauma with Alternative Therapies and Psychedelics

Dr. Pelz explores several trauma-healing modalities she has personally experienced, including holotropic breathwork, EMDR, MDMA-assisted therapy, and psilocybin. Each method offers unique doors into subconscious patterns and bodily-held trauma, facilitating profound transformation by rewiring beliefs and increasing neuroplasticity. Psychedelics, especially under professional guidance, can dismantle inherited narratives and activate serotonin receptor sites formerly stimulated by estrogen, offering hormonal and emotional relief. Integration and community support are vital components for these powerful interventions.

Supporting Women in Transition: A Message for Partners

Recognizing the challenges menopausal shifts present in partnerships, Dr. Pelz advises men to understand the neurobiological unpredictability and emotional intensity their partners experience. She urges patience, emotional presence without problem-solving, and active listening as ways to honor the woman's process. Couples who embrace transformation collectively, adopting a mindset of evolving versions of their relationship (e.g., marriage 3.0), foster resilience and intimacy. She provides an example of her own marriage where metamorphosis was embraced rather than resisted.

Navigating Unsupportive Relationships and Building Inner Circles

For women without supportive partners, Dr. Pelz suggests cultivating an "inner circle" of mentors and peers in three categories: butterflies (wise elders who have completed their journeys), anchors (steady listeners offering emotional safety), and potentialists (those who inspire growth and positive possibilities). She advises women to set boundaries in unsupportive or toxic relationships and, when necessary, to isolate purposefully for self-protection and healing. Asking for help is framed as an empowering act that revives the flow of energy in community and fosters mutual growth.

Embracing the Transformational Opportunity of Aging

Dr. Pelz closes with an empowering vision: the neurological rewiring accompanying menopause is an invitation to live authentically and claim one's voice. This process involves reclaiming the playful, curious "little girl" within and protecting her from cultural expectations. Without courageously stepping into this new identity, women risk becoming invisible, but with it, they can collectively shape culture through their unique truths. The transition is described as a gift and a sacred coming home to oneself, opening the door to vibrant leadership and fulfillment.

Where to Find More

Dr. Pelz encourages those interested to explore her accessible lifestyle videos on YouTube for practical how-tos and to support independent bookstores when purchasing her book. Through this work, she hopes to foster a movement of conscious, empowered women embracing their biological and spiritual transformations with clarity and joy.